Does my 11 month old's development sound ok. People keep worrying me.

[Bambinoloveseggbirds]

I'm trying not to worry or compare but I keep being asked what DS can do like he's a performing seal, and it's now set my mind racing which means I've been goggling and that's never good for a first time mum. DS is 11 months old today. If anyone could put my mind at rest that the following sounds within "normal", I'd be so grateful.

He can't wave bye bye yet (which I put down to us not really being a wavy type family), but does get up on his knees and flaps his hands plenty of times per day whilst shouting. He doesn't point, despite me pointing at stuff - but will look to what I've pointed at and back again which I understand is good. He will bring his hands together but doesn't clap, although he has done it by accident once or twice. He also babbles in his own little way (his alien language we call it) but doesn't make consonant sounds yet (although plenty of aarghs and ga gas when he is playing or has quiet time such as in his cot in the mornings. He yells, screeches, makes throaty noises and is a champion raspberry blower.

I just went back to work last week and now have all the mums in the office asking what he's doing and not doing and I get the "Oh, my DC did that at XYZ [usually months before DS]it's driving me crazy with worry and of course, guilt, at not being home with him. Can someone please put my mind at rest.

Thank you

Hi Bambino,

Not much help here I'm afraid - mine are only 12 weeks - but do you still see your HV? I'm sure she can give you some advice.

There's a wide range of 'normal'.

Hi Zippy. I'm due to see the HV in a month for DS' 1 year check. DH thinks I'm mad and that our DS is streets ahead in everything, but I know he isn't - just not sure if it's peer pressure niggling at me or something else. DH is complete opposite to me and doesn't worry about anything.

Sounds fine to me. DD is 11.5 months, does wave but we practice this a lot . Can't clap, has recently started pointing, but i'm not convinced she's actually pointing at anything specific. She does babble with consonants, but has always been more vocal than other babies and less mobile.

Doesn't sound too different to your DS and i'm not in the least bit worried about her.

About going back to work - i work nights so am with DD all the time more or less, and it seems to me like the babies who are in childcare seem to be more advanced than those at home with mummy all day. I suppose they are around other babies more, so get more chance to copy what the others are doing. So try not to worry, they all get there in the end.

Your DS sounds perfectly normal to me. And the competitive mums sound par for the course too - ignore them and go with your own instinct. If you only went back to work last week, I'm guessing it's a fairly mixed up crazy time? Focus on your DS's wonderful qualities (I'm sure he has many ) and, if you want to, boast about those to your colleagues.

Thanks greensnail. DS is very mobile, loves crawling, pulling up and starting to cruise. My mum said not to worry as girls are usually more "sociable" than boys. I guess I'm back at work thinking that if I'd done this more and that more during my mat leave that he'd be waving, pointing, saying ma or da. I had PND and PNA so much of my mat leave was a struggle if I'm honest, but I did do my best to interact with DS, but perhaps I didn't enough.

He starts nursery in January which will be good for him I think.

Lastyearsmodel, yes, the mums are driving me mad and it is the weirdest time. Didn't start off too well when my boss actually said "I can't believe you accrue [sp] all your leave for being sat on your arse for a year". He said it in a jokey way but I know he meant it. Have also been dumped with extra work because "I wasn't there to say no".

Hello bambino - I'm a HV and although I haven't seen your DS can I say he sounds perfectly normal to me. Pointing often comes later - I only tend to begin having concerns if they are not doing so by 18-20 months.

I listen for two syllable sounds at the one year check and from what you say your DS is already doing this.

Other Mums can be a nightmare - my favourite was the "mine slept through at 8 weeks brigade" when my son at 8 months was still waking regularly. Don't let them do this one upmanship with you.... and don't google. Your DS will get there in his own sweet time and he sounds perfectly normal to me.

Hi Bambino

I wouldn't worry - sounds very much like my DD at 11 months old. She's now 21 months and never stops chattering away. Don't let other people worry you - I've found most of the time they have rose tinted specs on when remembering when their kids were younger

Thank you Jollypirate. There is so much focus on the typical babbling - the ma da bas isn't there, I didn't realise you looked for syllables. He talks a nice load of gibberish at times so I feel much better now.

He was just flapping his arms about to his reflection in the fridge . I need to start focussing on those things and smiling sweetly - whilst thinking bugger off - at all these perfect mums don't I.

Yes, 'bugger off perfect mums' is a sentiment I endorse. I only realised how much babies' achievements are talked up when I had my second, because I wasn't bothered and knew most of it was rubbish so I could let it all wash over me. You have to ask yourself, yes, but what are they struggling with?

I've no experience of returning to work, so can't be much help there, I'm afraid, but I'm familiar with the opinion that mothering is not real work and just something to do in between going for coffee and manicures.

Off to sit on my arse now... Hope things look up for you.

just lie everybody else does. being an early walker, talker, waver does not matter and no indicator of intelligence

Your DS sounds completely fine to me.

Take what other Mums say with a HUGE pinch of salt. They more than often exaggerate and have very different benchmarks for things. I remember one Mum who classed 'sleeping through the night' as midnight to 5am!

All children do things at different rates. I always think to myself that they don't ever ask you the age you uttered your first word on uni or job applications!

Mums often exaggerate when talking to other mums to try and beat them at the "my baby is better than yours"

My own mum is an example of this, she once told a friend that my son whose 9yrs old now was crawling at 5 months , when infact he started out by shuffling round on his bum at 6 and a half months, until about 9 months when he started crawling.

I'd ignore all other mums and believe that they'll do all this stuff when they are ready

My dgs is 9and a half months-he claps and waves bye bye but cant point though he will look if we point.He can crawl and tries to pull up,he babbles some consonant sounds bababab dadada cacacaca but mostly blows rapberries,giggles and screeches.I think your ds sounds absolutely normal to me.