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Help - 4 yo ds1 turned into nightmare following arrival of ds2

3 replies

Claire236 · 08/12/2009 20:36

We're having real problems with ds1 which I assume are linked to ds2 being born 10 days ago. ds1 started school in Sept & a day after he started school I was admitted to hospital for a week due to contractions. Following that I was signed off work & things have been pretty tense due to the worry over every little twinge. ds1 seemed to be coping fine but last week his teacher spoke to my husband as the last few weeks he has been uncooperative at school. For 2 weeks before ds2 arrived I was having contractions meaning I was up a lot in the night & short tempered during the day. Since ds2 arrived we've all been getting disturbed nights (obviously) although ds1 has only got up once when ds2 was crying. At least part of his problem is tiredness & I've got a horrible feeling the rest of it is because his mum has turned into a short tempered, impatient crappy parent. ds1 is being difficult at both school & home - cheeky & disobedient at home & refusing to participate at school. He has also become a nightmare to get to bed. He keeps getting up with constant excuses meaning on a good night it's 2100 before he stays in bed which is obviously not helping. I feel like I'm going round in circles & don't know what to do. Please help.

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MrsMattie · 08/12/2009 20:46

It will settle down, I promise you, although it may take a while. It's very early days, too, so don't put pressure on yourself or your DS - nobody magically adapts to a new addition to the family without some stress and upheaval.

My DS was 3 yrs 9 mths when our DD was born and he was a nightmare for a good few months. Stroppy, disobedient, extra clingy/needy, extremely jealous of his DD and would physically attack her etc. It was very hard on us all.

Get the school on side. Go and talk to his teacher and explain that he is finding it hard to adjust and ask for any suggestions of ways you can all support him through this transition in his life. he is only little and it's important the school understand whats going on and help him through it.

Evenings - can you and your DH split duties? One of you puts DS to bed and makes it a really nice, 'special' time with stories and hugs etc, while the other deals with the baby. Then swap around another night?

No matter how hard it is, make some 'special time' for him each day. Even if it's just 15 mins. Build it up and make a big deal of it. I say to my DS all day 'We're going to read stories / do drawings / make cookies tonight, just you and me'. Really hype it! . Do it at weekends, too. I starts leaving my DD with DH for an hour on Sat mornings and taking DS for a hot choclate at the local cafe or to the library or for a walk in the park, just us. It was a break for me, too.

Don't be hard on yourself, either. It's a massive adjustment for you, too. You need time to recover and get your strength up, physically and mentally, and you need time to get used to the changes in your life.

MrsMattie · 08/12/2009 20:47

excuse typos

Claire236 · 08/12/2009 21:36

Thanks MrsMattie. I'm feeling a bit down at the moment which makes everything seem so much worse. I've spoken to ds1s teacher but she's not exactly the supportive type. She made me feel pretty useless actually.

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