18mth old doesn't like mother

[Monkey74]

Has anyone ever heard of a child not liking/loving it's mother?

Meme's 18mths old, has never been affectionate with me yet she showers her Daddy and little sister with kisses and attention.

I've heard of mothers not loving their children however there is nothing on the web about this.

It's heartbreaking to say the least and I just hope that her little sister isn't like it too else I may as well not be here.

I have heard of this being because the child is so comfortable and relaxed with her mother she doesn't feel she needs to make the effort to win her over with hugs and kisses.

Yeah, sounds to me like you are being taken for granted - she knows you are always there, so you are not a treat, IYSWIM. I would try to relax about it, if she sees that you are tense about it, it could become a self fulfilling prophesy. Could you try to spend a bit more time apart, get your DP to do some more of the work, and let you get some quality time for yourself? That way, she will learn that you are not on tap, and might well show more affection.

Thank you.

You're replies have been a comfort and am feeling a little more positive now.

It's hard when your first born you've been longing for, for so many years is finally here & the little one holds you in no regard at all. She's 100% a Daddy's girl, no interest in me whatsoever.

I just hope she grows out of it, I think you both hit the nail on the head though.

I am here all the time for her, although I am the disciplinarian out of us both but maybe it'll change in time.

I can understand it is not very nice for you. Some of the normal mother-baby bonding recommendations might help anyway even if they are normally presented as being for mums, e.g. taking a bath with her, doing baby massage, and just lots of cuddles looking into her eyes?

If you feel you are disciplinarian then it might also be worth a chat with your DP/DH so he can agree to follow up on the house rules and you don't always have to be the one to deal with any issues.

how old is her little sister? I've heard of older children who kind of transfer all their kisses/cuddles to the baby and freeze out the mum when a new baby is on the scene. she's only little - you're the centre of her world whether she shows it or not. how about swopping roles a bit so your partner looks after the younger one some mornings and you have some 'quality time' with the elder one?

i agree with what everyone has said. i've had friends who expreienced similar lack of attention and would complain she wasn't getting her fair share of love. it seemed the more time she spent with her dd the less love she got it was because she was so secure with her mum that she showered all her love and affection on daddy, and baby.
must make you feel glum though. sorry about that- have a jammy dodger

Def. agree with swapping roles!!

if your house is anything like mine, you get to do all the 'chores' (AKA stuff child doesn't want to do) and Daddy gets to have all the fun (AKA stuff child loves to do!)

I would have a real problem with this if my DH was home full time, but as he's away so much, I let it go at the moment, as I think they need that extra bonding time...

but, (and this is my situation obviously!) the trigger points for us are:

1. Daddy doesn't enforce nap / bed times
2. Daddy lets him watch TV / DVD while eating his lunch / dinner
3. Daddy lets him eat crisps while in the supermarket trolley
4. Daddy often lets him get out of the trolley and dash around the shop like a lunatic (Even if it upsets other shoppers)
5. Daddy only ever feeds him what he wants - pasta stars / crisps and fruitshoots

Now, I am very about all of the above, but actually worried that Daddy lets him dash around shops!! But, beyond that, there are the mundane things:

1. Mummy makes me lie still to change my nanny
2. Mummy makes me eat vegetables and fruit
3. Mummy makes me go to bed
4. Mummy makes me brush my teeth
5. Mummy makes me go to nursery

I also have a 4MO DD (sounds like you have a little one too?) and, of course, that has made Daddy extra special (DS has HAD to get used to sharing me but still hasn't had to share Daddy's affections yet)

Does that sound familiar?

Ask yourself one question, though... When your 18MO is ill... who does he go to???... my DH can be the best thing since sliced bread, but when DS is ill / up in the night, only mummy cuddles will do!!!

Bless you, though... it must be tough working all day, only to see someone else reap the rewards... DH isn't here 5 days a week, so on those days, i get all the cuddles and kisses!!!

(DS also likes to cuddle and kiss his little sister.. so sweet!!)

HM x

Hello you lovely people, thank you for all your messages in my absence!

Oh and thank you 'dingdong05' for the jammy dodger.

Yes, when Meme has hurt herself or is poorly then she will resort to me, so that maybe answers some of the question.

And yes she is very affectionate to my little 3 month old Jess, she thinks the world of her and is very protective of her, actually she's extremely maternal in a baby kind of way. She'll get her muslin and dab her mouth, or Jess won't finish her bottle and she tries to coax her to finish it. And loves making her smile and giggle, so yes maybe she is only able to focus on the baby.

Daddy does take more responsibility for Meme on weekends when he's home so I can have a bit of a break, but as I'm mixing BF with bottle DP can't take Jess for day.

Actually thinking about it, I've noticed that DP doesn't do as much for Jess as he did for Meme, like bath her of change her, when he did with first one.

That's the answer possibly for all of us, Daddy does more with Jess and I do more with Meme! Yep x