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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

13 month old won't let me dress him - just me!

18 replies

StarExpat · 04/12/2009 10:57

DS is 13 months and whenever I try to change his nappy or put clothes ON him he goes ballistic. Even just a coat to go outside. He gives DH a bit of a hard time, but not nearly as much as me. He lets our regular, beloved babysitter change nappies, put clothes on, shoes, coats... anything, with no fuss at all.

I've tried changing him laying down, standing up, sitting on my lap... you name it. Playing peek a boo with something while I change him, singing to him, dancing around, nothing works. He just screams, arches his back, kicks.

My friend suggested to me yesterday to put on this music he really likes The theme tune from chugging ton on cbeebies . It did distract him and he let me dress him last night but we had to keep replaying it on the laptop (youtube) or he'd tantrum again. This morning it distracted him again but it was a bit like gymnastics trying to get the clothes on as he wriggled about. He needs to SEE it to be fully distracted iyswim.

Any ideas or am I a hopeless failure of a mother? Be honest and any tips greatly appreciated!

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Original poster

StarExpat · 04/12/2009 10:58

FFS I am a failure of a mother!! He's 14 months as of 2 days ago . And I have no excuse. He's our only child! Sorry

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Original poster

StarExpat · 04/12/2009 11:57

bump - anyone? Thinking about throwing in the towel and letting him go naked everywhere

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barbareebaahumbug · 04/12/2009 12:09

Hi!
In same boat - although ds 12 months won't let anyone else dress him either!
I have no tips - we are just muddling through this stage as best we can. Have bought pull-ups for nappy changes ( that's definitely improved things!) Erm.. putting coat on is a struggle - no tips there! Getting dressed - whenever possible ds sits on dh in front of telly and I dress him as quick as poss!! Same for bedtime - I bath him and then dh comes in to help with the dressing bit. Sometimes I sit on loo (seat!) and bf ds whilst dh does poppers up etc (this depends upon the level of ds resistance!

Oh! I did have some tips! Well kind of

barbareebaahumbug · 04/12/2009 12:11

Gah! You are not failure as mother either (or at least if you are I am too! )

Original poster

StarExpat · 04/12/2009 12:15

Thanks barbaree Good to know I'm not alone! I hope it's a stage that will pass. I just keep thinking I'm creating a bad association with getting dressed and making it worse for the future. I hope not. Will try doing it in front of the TV.

Pull ups - how do you get them off when there's a poo? That;s the hard bit for me- keeping him still enough to clean him up so it doesn't get everywhere. I just hold him down now...

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barbareebaahumbug · 04/12/2009 12:41

Well it's a bit tricky but I rip the sides and pull nappy away. Then chase ds round the bathroom with a handful of wipes!!! Do the best clean up job I can and make sure he has a good wash at night.
I think you can only do your best at the end of the day and I think we both found it more stressful him lying down. I can't be as thorough him standing up- I do my best -and have invested in a nailbrush (sorry!)
Have you tried letting him have a much coveted object whilst lying down? This worked for us for a while until he became bored of those. I let him choose something he wasn't allowed from the bathroom shelf - a tin of deoderant/ shaving gel/ toothpaste tube. That worked for a good few weeks!

Original poster

StarExpat · 04/12/2009 12:53

yes, did that... my blackberry is what he wants! But now he just throws that to the side, too. I might try the pull ups, but I am a bit type-A and willing to admit I have to have things unreasonably clean. This is probably the problem he has to stay in one spot for too long while I wipe away every last speck of evidence from a dirty nappy. I can't deal with any possibility of poo in the bath.. I even wipe him down with a towel before putting him in so no bits of dinner...etc end up in his bath water.
I know how crazy I sound. I'm working on it.
You're probably thinking psyyyyyyychoooooo no wonder her baby hates to be changed by her^

He stopped bf a little after he turned 12 months, but we used to do that with PJ's too

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barbareebaahumbug · 04/12/2009 13:02

No not a psycho! Am just possibly a bit slack ha ha! Hum ho!
How do you get on with teeth? Any tips? I do worry about that. We have one of those toothbrushes from waitrose that are like rubbery teethers with bristles all the way round and a more traditional brush to finish off with (if I get a chance...)

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 04/12/2009 13:05

At this age I just had to pin DS down and get on with it, just to get it over with as soon as possible really. Once he was dressed he was fine.

Is there a toy he really really likes that he could only be allowed at nappy/clothes changes?

Original poster

StarExpat · 04/12/2009 13:11

imovethestars - that's what I'm doing now. And he doesn't fall for the toy thing anymore.
Did it pass for your DS? How old is he now and does he get dressed without a fuss?

barbaree- I hold his arms down and brush as thoroughly and quickly as I can, then I let him have the toothbrush himself and he chews on it and brushes his own teeth - especially if we are doing it, too. He'd probably do the job himself tbh I just feel the need to be in control of it to make sure it's done properly... but that's just me

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barbareebaahumbug · 04/12/2009 13:13

barbareebaahumbug · 04/12/2009 13:14

oops!

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 04/12/2009 13:26

StarExpat - he's just 2 now, and he still tries it on with his Dad, but just not with me.

When he got to the point where I can offer a choice of two tops/pairs of socks/trousers though (about 18mo +) this helped a lot.

ha, you've reminded me - sometimes I'd have to resort to pinning his arms down with my legs while changing a nappy, otherwise he'd roll over and be off pooing in the corner or something (would sit with my legs straight out in front of me, him inbetween, and my legs over his arms.. not as cruel as it sounds though, I hasten to add!

I also pin him down for teeth brushing - he doesn't give in easily though! this might help

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 04/12/2009 13:27

could offer, not can offer. oops

Original poster

StarExpat · 04/12/2009 14:08

Those tooth brushes look very cool. They would help for me brushing his teeth. He then wants one that looks just like ours for his own teeth. he often carries toothbrushes (his own, not ours) around during the day

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navyeyelasH · 04/12/2009 20:01

Sorry if this sounds like I'm being a twunt but have you tried saying no in a low voice? I'm a childminder previously was a nanny and this works most of the time. TBH it sounds like you're trying to much, sorry not helpful I know.

Stick with giving the same toy every time/singing/ grinning and bearing it / saying no. But just pick one option.

With the teeth let them brush your teeth first then you brush their teeth then you both brush your own. Normally works. But different though when you're not the mum they always behave better for others

Original poster

StarExpat · 05/12/2009 07:21

Oh yes... tried "no". It works for other things. he listens quite well. But when I say no for clothes changing or nappies he doesn;t care. And never ever gives the babysitter a hard time for changing.

OP posts:

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 05/12/2009 07:31

Something that has worked for my dd is a to that she only has when getting changed so keeps her intersted

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