End of my tether with meal times - i dread supper time

[Cosywinter]

I'm sure this has been covered heaps of time but I really am at the end of my tether, tonight I was almost in tears over the battle that has become meal times. DS is 2.5 and used to be a great eater, eating pretty much anything. Over the last 6 months it has been getting worse and worse and his eating now is a total nightmare. I know I shouldn't let it develop into a battle and that won't make him eat but i just can't help it. He is getting really skinny so i can't just walk away from mealtimes and let him not eat or just let him eat what he wants as he would happily go all day eating nothing at all. He really is thin so he needs to eat. I've tried everything, it's now got to the point where I let him watch TV and then I feed him some food until he notices or the programme finishes that he is back to pushing it away shouting 'no' at me. I just can't stand one more nightmare meal like this... Please can anyone give me any suggestions about what to try next.

He will eat if he is hungry. No western child has ever died of malnutrition if food is available to them. Both of those statements I heard from a paed on tv once when my DS was about 3 months old. I held on to them!

He is now 8 and a fussy eater but getting better.

Sometimes when he was younger he would hardly eat any dinner. I would not give him something immediately but would give him something a while later. Something like cereal or toast.

I did the feeding in front of the tv too. DS would sort of go into a trance watching Barney and eat not realising.

Look at what he is eating through the day not just at one sitting. If he is having little and often and healthy snacks then he should be fine. You could try the old-fashioned 'tonic' to stimulate the appetite. My mum still swears by that and I know a friend finds that her DS eats better if he is having a multivit tonic. Can't remember the one she uses.

My nephew used to be a nightmare and on days my Mum was looking after him she would make up a plate of cubed cheese and fruit and leave it near him. He would usually eat some.

Try not to stress. He will be fine I am sure.

I once met a Health visitor who stopped me worrying bout my DD1, by telling me that her son once only ate 2 digestives a day for a period of around 3 months..(and survived to tell the tale!).....my DD1 was a nightmare, now aged 7 she is the least fussy eater and the first to try new things. It will pass.

the one thing that a dc has absolute control over is what goes in their mouth..... so turning it into any kind of battle/peruasion is an absolutley pointless exercise. The more you make of it the more he will make of it. I know you're very worried about him being so skinny, but if you want to see him less skinny asking/persuading/forcing him to eat is not the way forward- he will resist even more. As other posters have mentioned he will not starve himself (honest) go and speak to your GP if you don't believe us... (tis only an internet forum after all ). So best to ignore, offer a healthy option (only one option) of somehting you know is ok then leave well alone...., remove if not eaten..... you'll probably have to do this for weeks whilst as he's locked into this pattern but I rpomise it will pass....

cosywinter - I know just how you feel we are going through the same thing and it is so so stressful. When they go the whole day without eating at all you think "surely you must be hungry"??!! And when they start getting thin it is so distressing you just feel you have to do something! We got to the point where DD would even refuse ice cream! Argh.
Please know that you are not alone, I have spoken to so many people who have the same problem with their toddlers.
The other night we had a minor breakthrough I placed her tea in front of her and just decided to not intervene at all. I carried on doing what I was doing. I was washing up at the sink and saw her reflection in the window in front of me. While she thought I wasn't looking I caught her actually eat a piece of omlette!! Hurrah! Since then I have not intervened at all at feeding times, and she seems to have got a little better.
Tough times, try your hardest not to turn it into a battle of wills, because he will win. Just take the food away with no comment if he won't eat it, but keep offering him stuff so he has the chance to choose if he wants something

We found that DS (nearly 4) loved the attention that he got when he didn't eat. He also hated not getting to choose what he ate. Someone on here suggested putting the food in serving bowls in the middle of the table and letting them help themselves to what they wanted - it worked brilliantly for us - DS actually tried a new thing last week . It only works however if you give NO attention at all to the not eating. I'll try and find the thread.
hereHTH

I've been through this with DD2 and now age three she is eating an almost normal diet.

Trying to force him to eat won't work. He will always 'win' if you turn it into a battle.

We looked at her best meal - breakfast - and aimed to get as much good food as possible into her then - cornflakes with full fat milk, egg and soldiers (she would only eat the yolk spread on toast) more buttered toast and jam, apple or banana.

Doing this gave me confidence that at least she was getting fat and protein and vits once a day.

Mid-morning I gave her anything that would build her appetite - and that included cheese pies from Greggs/Waitrose good quality sausage rolls, frubes, cheese and crackers, croissants, bananas,houmous etc

Lunch in front of telly and then a good run in the park in the afternoon to sharpen her appetite for dinner (which invariably was a disaster)

After getting angry a few times DP and I agreed that we would put her dinner out and make her sit down but would not make a fuss if she didn't eat.

If hungry later, I would offer the same meal again, calmly. There was a vitamin sweetie next to her plate to bribe her into having a few mouthfuls.

She is much better now and has built up an appetite so is much less inclined to leave her dinner.

She is also eating peas, carrots, tomatoes and loads of fruit.

So - don't get angry, give him some fattening/protein rich snacks earlier in the day so that you don't feel too concerned about his weight and make sure he gets plenty of exercise.

good luck

We had a stage with DS1 where he refused to eat at the table and wanted to take food through to eat in front of the TV.

That wasnt going to happen and so mealtimes became a battle ground. He still has days but as everyone says, ignoring the behaviour is the best action. Also, my HV said to look at dietary intake over a 7day period rather than daily.

I pretty much leave him to his food by placing a bowl of weetabix & plate of chopped fruit down at breakfast whilst I potter round the kitchen tidying up. Lunch is the same and then at the evening meal, I sit next to him and sometimes, we swap plates so he is choosing what he wants to eat. generally he will choose veg over meat & potatoes. We have also introduced a rule that if he hasnt eaten at least half of the main course (about 10mouthfuls)there is no pudding - only an apple. I have applied to rule to both my 2.6yr old and my 14month old (who would eat the plate if he could )

in general he eats ok now.

good luck & dont stress too much

in