Thuggish behaviour of 2.5 yr old DS

[Beautifullettuce]

I'm at a loss how to deal with the behaviour of my 2.5 DS. For the last year we don't seem to be able to come into contact with another child without him hitting, pushing (or worst of all) biting them. I always remove him for the situation, tell him off very clearly, give him one more chance to behave but usually end up leaving wherever we are because he does it again. He's very good at saying sorry but has no concept that he's hurt the other child. I'm a FT mum and he's been at home all the time (we do attens play groups etc) but he starts pre-school in Jan and I'm terrified of how he'll interact with other children. Any advice pls - I fear expulsion!?

Having had a similar Ds i can confidently say that actually allot of kids do this at this age.
Dont worry about pre school, this is the ideal environment for him to learn about social settings, and the staff will all have seen this a thousand times before and know how to deal with it.
Its one of the horrid phases that they go though.

It is a phase and is normal, though hard for you (DS2 used to do all of the above - biting is the worst ...) Am linking to another thread ......

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/871636-Advice-please-my-DS-is-28-months-and-a-bully

IMO, saying sorry is neither here nor there at this age, as it is pretty meaningless coming from them It's reallyl important that you tell him that another child is hurt or sad, and that he sees you say sorry on his behalf.

Any pre-school worth it's salt will have seen this a million times and will be able to deal with it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/853888-At-wit-39-s-end-with-ds-he-has-a?pg=2

Another thread about biting

Thanks for this feedback - so reassuring. It's hard not to feel like your the only parent going though it when you're leaving your umteenth play group fighting back tears! Do you think it's a good idea to raise my concerns with his keyworker before he begins pre-school? I don't want to create an issue before it's arisen, but I wonder if might pre-empt future problems...

I had the same dilemma Beautiful - some people said not to mention it because they then might "label" my son ahead of time.

However, if a pre-school is inclined to do that, it's not somewhere I'd want mine to go. So I'd say - yes mention that he can be like this, and any ideas you have about when it's likely to happen. You could also ask them how they deal with hitting or biting incidents so you are reassured about their approach, and maybe get some ideas of how to cope.

I think it will help them to see that it's something you are concerned about and take seriously.

FWIW, it became less of an issue with my son at playgroup. I work in a playgroup now (2 and 3 year olds), and we do have a couple of littlies who are inclined to push and shove, but it is amazingly much easier to deal with other peoples children when they do it. Be calm !

Mucho sympathy - I had some terrible experiences at soft play/playground/one o'clock club where I felt mine was the only one like this and everyone was judging. Most of them weren't, I'm sure, and the ones that were - well all I can say is - their next child might be a biter (my DS1 was not and I was, if I'm honest, a bit smug - total shock when DS2 came along). Good luck

Hi there
I came on here about to post a similar post about my 2.5 yr old ds - who is pushing kids over and get s really overstimulated at playgroups. He also when playing will upend all the toys on the table onto the floor - esp if other children are playing with them. HE often will just throw everything from the shelves on the playroom onto the floor. When i t difficult to manage and I do know it s a phase but I getting so frustrated.
I usually explain it s not nice to spoil games and throw toys on the floor. make hi pick them up (well he usually needs help with this) or if he s a bit wound up i ll remove hi from the situation. However this happens when over at playdates too. i t really disheartening because he s a great little chap otherwise and very lovng and affectionate and loves other children. I really hope this phase passes soon.

Hi,
I joined Mumsnet 2 or 3 years ago in order to post something very similar to the OP! So I just wanted to say - this is quite common, especially with boys, and they DO grow out of it. I found that, as my son approached 3, he calmed down a lot. He is now a wonderfully kind, caring, sweet 5-and-a-half-year-old. (He can still be boisterous / full-on sometimes, but that's boys for you)!

And I agree with the other posters re. the pre-school. They will deal with it. And you may find that your DS behaves perfectly at pre-school when you're not there - he might be behaving like this in order to get your attention. My DS used to almost throttle other kids - it started off as affectionate hugging but he wouldn't let go! - from when I was about 7 months' pregnant until the new baby was about 4 months old - I'm sure the timing wasn't a coincidence.