Has anyone else had this...?

[ChickandDuck]

My 3(4 in March)yo DS1 hoards stuff. He gets distressed if we throw away packaging or junk mail. He's also started to keep bits of fluff . He gets really distressed if bits of cotton go down the plughole when he's had a bath, because he wants to keep them. Usually I can get rid of any rubbish he's collected throughout the day when he's gone to bed, and he never remembers in the morning.

Last night after he had gone to bed he started crying uncontrolably, took us ages to get out of him what was wrong, in the end it turned out that he had found a hair in his mouth, wanted to keep it but had lost it, he was only calmed by us finding 'the hair' on the floor and replacing it on his bedside table.

Has anyone had this with their own DC, or heard of it? I thought it would pass, but he just seems to be getting worse. When I picked him up from nursery the other day he had the plastic cellophane from a straw that he gave to me to keep.

I have no advice/personal experience but bumping for you as I do not want it to go unanswered.

Not quote as extreme, but my 5yo is also a major hoarder. I clear out junk when she's out or else she won't let me touch a single "important" scrap of paper.

On the other hand, at his age (3/4), isn't that when they start to understand loss in a more concrete way? I seem to recall my eldest getting very upset at a certain point if we threw broken things away in front of him, and it was very obviously NOT about the object, but about loss (but we had a couple of deaths in the family and he was dealing with the issue on all levels...)

Thank you gorionine

Santacentric - I couldn't even contemplate throwing a broken toy away, everything has to be celotaped! We haven't had any deaths, in fact I can't pin point anything that would've started this.

I just don't know how to deal with it, am I doing the right thing by throwing stuff out when he is asleep (he has completly forgotton in the morning) or do I talk to him about why it should be thrown away? We do use alot of stuff to make things (we've just made a turtle out of yogurt pots and egg boxes!). Or do I just let him carry on? I'm worried about him at nursery though. His teacher said he got very upset when he lost his special leaf the other day. (It is very sweet, but it is taking over our lives!)

Small stuff that is not noticeable (bits of paper, fluff) I throw away on the sly. Bigger stuff (a ball that popped once and DS wouldn't let me throw out, but then proceeded to grow mold, for example) I have always talked about first.

Lots of reassurance, maybe? Show him there are other leaves/bits of fluff/hairs and how fun to find new ones? Maybe do a thing where each day he has to find something new - that way he will slowly (hopefully) exchange being attached to the old for pleasure of the new?

We do go hunting for things, we do collages of collected things, and made a leaf 'book' the other day. I think it's the way he gets so distressed about the things he picks up that worries me. Last night he was distraught, he really fightened us until we realised it was all over a hair!

just bumping to see if anyone can help

anyone...?

im sorry i can't really help but i imagine he will grow out of it as he gets older, my ds1 3.7 tries to keep leaves bits of paper ect and does get upset if i throw them away but i just do it on the sly like you do and he never remembers either. I have never heard of it this extreme though sorry i cant be more help x

Hi Chickandduck I have never heard of a little child being quite so fond of hoarding stuff

Could you speak to your health visitor or gp about it.
It sounds almost like Obsessive Compulisive type behaviour - which my 8yo has a tendancy towards

The best thing is to avoid drawing attention to it or to show that you are worried because that will make him worry more, or obsess about hoarding even more

On reflection I would try to find someone to chat to about this gp, health visitor, teacher etc

HTH

I remember being like this as a child! I did grow out of it
I remember feeling sorry for the stuff that was going to be thrown away/ lost. Probably a fear that it would happen to me!

My daughter did it when she was younger, same things..fluff, sweet wrappers, envelopes...god anything and everything. I wouldn't be too concerned I think it's just their wee way of exploring and connecting with the world around them, My dd didn't seem to like the idea that something was useless so she gave it a use and a home!! might be a way of expressing insecurity, as barbar has stated. They do grow out of it!!

Thank you for your replies

Will speak to health visitor I think, insteresting to read your experience babaree!I think he does feel sorry for it! But then, the OCD would make sense, he can be particular about some things... toys in the right place etc... he's not too extreme though.

Chick

My son has some OCD traits. They are part of a coping mechanism for him so it will fluctuate according to how things are in his enviroment - so at the start of a new term with a new teacher he will wantthings a certain way. As he gets used to the new routine stuff can be messy again.

I guess the acud test is how much it interferes with other thing IYSWIM.

If his distress at throwing things starts to feel unmanegable then I would have a chat with someone. Not with the outcome of 'finding something' but more to see if an Occupation Therapist or someone can help you to help him to find better coping strategies - like talking about things or having a hug or a favorite activity.

The concern I would have is that the more these behaviours get entrenched in his mind as genuinely important then the harder they will be for him to naturally move on from.

I hope that makes sense

Not sure if that makes sense

Thank you pagwatch.

This morning we had 3 incidents of him hanging on to stuff - a thread hanging off his jumper was one - I tried to explain that he was going to nursery so would have to leave them behind/throw them in the bin because it's rubbish, but he gets in such a state, and becomes sensitive about everything. It's hard to take the time to deal with it correctly (however that may be) sometimes, we were so late this morning. Ended up taking his favourite bear on the walk to nursery and asked if he could pick him up too.

I've been trying to think if it correlates (sp) with anything, but can't think of anything. Me and DP have been argueing a bit lately...

aww chick
I would not worry too much about what may be triggering episodes as this can be anything that is overstimulating or unusual. DS2 is triggered by Christmas because it is just sooo exciting. And a friend has a duaghter aged about 12 with OCD and she has told her mum that she is anxious about the school christmas concert even though she is really looking forward to it.

And I have been thinking of you all morning because I meant to say and Ed psych rather than and OT.

You can get private referals to ed psychs if you want to have a private ( not school or GP/HV based) look at it and get some advice. That would assume though that it is affordable.

My DS saw a really good EP in Euston and who came toour home and helped us enormously with understanding DS2s behaviours and strategies for helping him.

But I would really stress that your DS is really really young and he easily may grow out of it.
Personally, if it were me, I would only see someone if I thought it was affecting his quality of life, or seemed to be getting more rather than less intense.
And I would see someone privately so as not to get school/nursery/ the system involved .

Hope this is some help

Thinking about it, I think I would feel a bit silly talking to a psych... which puts it into perspective really. Think if it gets much worse I might, so thank you for pointing me in the right direction for proffessional help if we need it!

He's been entertained with a sticker book all afternoon so no fluff taken to bed tonight

sounds sensible.