Please advise on supporting dd cope with aggressive boys

[whifflegarden]

Bear with me as I tend to ramble on these forums....I'm still so upset from earlier and have shed a few tears.

Also, I'm changing some minor details in case I get recognised in RL.

My DD, (yr1) participates in a sporting activity a few nights a week and loves it. I have noticed one particular boy being aggressive towards her. Today on 3 separate occassions he pretended to strike her with his (let's call it cricket bat). He caught her finger on one occassion. He also told her to shut up, out of earshot of coach and parents. Today I lost it a bit (VERY unlike me) and went up to him and sort of growled "what do you think you're doing?" He feigned innocence and I stood around for a bit.

Grateful of any advice.

Thing is, she is sensitive and very much a girls' girl - she is a kind kind soul. Unfortunately (as is the nature with a lot of intensive sport), her squad is mostly boys and on some days (like today) only boys. They tend to be uber competitive and this particular boy pushes her and such like (I also noticed today that the other boys sort of took lead of said aggressive boy and were a little mean to DD, although not particularly more so than children can be iykwim). It seems to be somehow more acceptable in sport for this aggression?

Anyway, DD was very upset and really didn't enjoy herself today. I was very upset too. She loves the sport and over my dead body will I allow the actions of a pathetic little bully to put her off something she enjoys.

The question is...what do I do about this? I've already had a word with the coach...but I just wish DD would tell him to shut up and get lost. It is so hurtful seeing one's precious DC being mistreated On the way back home I told her she's got to retaliate and she said "but mummy I don't want to be mean".

I do sympathise - I remember horrid boys at school.

Can you train your DD to retort with a puzzled "why are you being such an idiot and trying to hit me?"

Or "only real losers pick on girls - are you a loser?"

Or even a withering " do stop that, I'm trying to play tennis".

Role play sounds a great idea. I know telling the coach is also a good thing to do, but it's a good life skill to have some withering put downs as there (unfortunately) won't always be someone around for your DD to ask for help.

Thanks for that Jamie, i'll take a look at it! I've just seen these replies so sorry for not responding before.

Jamie and Ozziegirly, you're right about coping strategies. I am working on these with her more actively. This boy won't be with us forever but there will always be bullying characters in life who we need to know how to deal with.

I have had time to reflect and in a funny way I'm happy that this happened now; while I was there and she's young enough that I can influence how she copes with such things in future. It has also made her that bit tougher.....making lemonade from lemons as they say!

I am this evening writing a letter to the coach, copying in the club just to have a formal record of what went on.....you know how facts can have a habit of changing with time

whiffle - no worries about not replying. I did come late to the thread.

I agree with you about what you say in your 3rd paragraph - my DS1 has been complaining about a boy in his class on and off for a while (he's 9 ), but until I saw him in action on a school trip a few weeks ago I didn't know the extent of it. I feel bad because I think this has been going on for maybe a couple of years, but I would not have seen it as bullying had I not seen it myself (this boy does it in the playground, or at lunch, and I think from a distance it looks like normal "joshing").

DS is now getting more wholehearted, practical support from me and doesn't feel so much of a victim, and I've raised it with the school because the "bully" is clearly unhappy, and they are hopefully going to get him some help.

Fingers crossed for you !