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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Controlled crying torture in 1 year old!

10 replies

linz451 · 01/12/2009 13:57

I am in pieces - my one year old is screaming in her cot after an hour of controlled crying at nap time. Started yesterday and worked within 10 mins at nap time and bed time. During the night was living hell though and I gave in and brought her into bed with me Today she doesn't seem to be settling at all - I just phoned HV (who I saw this morning) and she said I have to keep with it...........not sure how long I can

Can anyone give me hope - I'm at the end of my tether.

Thanks

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skinsl · 01/12/2009 14:08

how often are you going in to her?
you do have to be strong!!

Original poster

linz451 · 01/12/2009 14:19

Thank you so much for answering!! She has just fallen asleep I was going in every 5 mins or so - couldn't face leaving it any longer. I wasn't touching her - just speaking. But the last time I went in I put her dummy in and lay her down and she just zonked. Not sure if I should have done that - but hey it worked and I didn't pick her out of cot which I would usually have done!! What a thought tonight is............

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MrsBadger · 01/12/2009 14:20

oh dear

I couldn't do it, and you don't have to either if you don't want to.
It's all very well for the HV - she hasn't got to sit in tears listening to her daughter in distress.

skinsl · 01/12/2009 14:24

It is exhausting, but it does work, and hopefully she will get the idea really quickly. there are lots of people who don't agree with it though.
I thought all the advice and info in books was really confusing and sometimes that means that you do it wrong.
I did 5 mins, then 7, then 9. And the longest he cried for was 15 minutes, and not really screaming, so I guess I was lucky.

As hard as it is, you have to stick with it, otherwise all the crying will have been for nothing, and that's sad.
I think you can talk to them, but just briefly to reassure them. in and out!

good luck for tonight!

Original poster

linz451 · 01/12/2009 15:20

I know I don't have to do it - but I have to do something! I'm going out of my mind!!And the poor wee lamb is not a happy girl in the mornrings - prob due to lack of sleep.

Back on early shift tomorrow and know i'll yet again have little sleep, but feel i'm at least doing something positive to try and overcome the problem.

Thanks skinsl - that's what I felt after half an hour - if I pick her out now i'll have let her cry for no reason and be no further forward. Now she is sleeping i'm pleased I kept with it.

I'm thinking positive thoughts for tonight......away to sit down with a book while she is still zzzz ing!

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dizzee · 01/12/2009 16:09

I just did a bit of controlled crying with my ds. who is 13 months old. He went to sleep easily enough at bedtime, but would wake in the night and not settle himself. We were often getting up for 1-2h at 2am and then again at about 5-6am. We were all exhausted.

This was my version of controlled crying. When he woke I would go in and lie him back down and put dummy in. He would always stand straight back up again. So I would put him back down and say goodnight. Then I'd go back to bed and time 5 mins. If he was still crying I'd go back and resettle him and then leave him again. I went in every 5 mins until he fell asleep. First night took about 45 mins, second night around 10 mins and then no more problems. For the past couple of weeks he's slept around 11 hours a night - hopefully this will continue.

I never left him really screaming though. It was either whinging or a bit of crying. I felt guilty enough as it was. If he ever really cried then I always went in and comforted him.

Maybe it depends why they're crying. I think my ds knew that if he played up he could get in bed with us. Once he realised that wasn't going to happen he seemed happy to settle himself.

cranbury · 01/12/2009 19:45

i did the Tanya Byron 5-10-15mins, so DD never cried for more than 30mins, then use the normal technique to get her to sleep if not asleep after 30mins. It worked in 2 days for night time, about a week for daytime. however, she did scream for at least 5 or 10mins every nap time for about 6 months before she slept.
umm you can't give in, because once you do you undo the good work. But it should work very quickly once they are a year old. If it doesn't it won't or you are not doing it right. Do not touch them or anything when you go, i just say some key words that I repeat each time.
Good luck I will probably have to do it again as my 8 month old very very rarely sleeps through but daytime naps are fine (learnt my lesson from DD)

Original poster

linz451 · 01/12/2009 19:56

She is asleep - fell asleep as soon as I put her in cot - which is unheard of! However her teeth are bothering her a lot this evening - not a happy girl - had to give her some medicine.

Thanks for all your advice

Now I have the worry though that when she wakes tonight(she always does these days!) that it will be her teeth hurting her too...........nothing is ever straight forward!!

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skinsl · 01/12/2009 20:25

Good news Linz! Fingers crossed for tonight.

Cranbury, I want Tanya Bryon in my house.. has she got a book? having some tantrum issues!

Original poster

linz451 · 03/12/2009 00:27

Oh my word - up for the third time and only half past 12! And i'm up for work at 5am - how tempting is it just to lift her and bring her in with us for a cuddle............I'm crying with her.

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