fear of noise and bad weather out of proportion

[beanymum]

My nearly 5 year old dd is scared of almost any slightly loud or strange noises. She had a fit the other day in bed when the CD player clicked off. The situation has been execerbated by the thunder, rain and wind we have been having. It is particularly loud in her room (which she shares with her 2.5 yr old sister). She now has a complete screaming fit when we leave her in her room after stories etc. I'm not sure if she is really frightened or just playing up. I am feeling really resentful as I have 3 under 5 and feel I deserve an evening to catch up ith housework and relax. She has also started waking in the night and my husband has had to spend th rest of the night in her bed. I really don't know what to do to break the cycle. We can't cope with her and the baby waking up (luckily dd2 is a great sleeper but I feel it is unfair on her as her sister(dd1) is getting all the attention at bedtime). I feel I should be more sympathetic with her and ride it out but am worried it will continue if I don't do something. Any ideas?

Both mine went through a phase like this and came out the other side and miraculously we all survived though it was awful at the time. She is probably playing up slightly as she now knows that your husband will spend the night with her if she does.

I had a system of checking on mine. I would tell them I would be back in 5 minutes and I would duly traipse up all our stairs. Then again, I would say 5 minutes. Gradually (a couple of weeks), I was able to stretch the length of time until I could say I'll be back in 30 minutes and then by that time they were usually asleep. Just knowing that I would be back at a certain time seemed to reassure them. Did the same thing if they woke in the night.

Sounds like a good idea, only she starts screaming if I as much as stand up. I tried going outside the door tonight and waitining there, but she started screaming. She is at present asleep on the sofa waiting to be taken up. I think she is genuinely scared as I tried all the nasty stuff last night and she just ended up hysterical. I think her sister should be rewarded for going to bed nicely but can't think of any little treat I could give her. Star charts are not working at the moment either although I do forget to update them every day. I wonder if it really has become almost a phobia as she has always been scared of noises. I may get her some earplugs tomorrow!

i don't think rewarding either of them is a good idea, because if she is genuinely really scared then all you're doing is setting her up to fail, or if you give her sister a prize it's like saying "you don't get a treat, because you;'re frightened" which isn't going to help, or if it "works" then all you will have achieved is teaching her that when she is scared then she should pretend not to be in order to get something nice!

would she go to sleep in your room?

i think fernie's idea is good. she is old enough for you to be able to say look, dd, i HAVE to do x/y/z, i promise you i will be back in jhust a moment, you can hear me in the next room

you may have to go into the next room and just make some noise, even talk to her while you are in there, and then go back into her so she knows you will come back.

you can gradually make less noise, go away for longer etc etc

really though, it's obviously something she needs to work through, so work through it with her, it won't be forever

The real problem is that I can't leave her or even make signs of leaving without a real screaming fit so no chance of extending the absences.

maybe try a gradual retreat across the room?

also, it's worth talking to her during the day, while she isn't upset, about what it is that frightens her, and help her work through that,
also ask her for suggestions that might help at night. one of those glo-lights she could keep by her bed maybe? a special toy that will keep her safe.

that way when it comes to it you can settle her down and say now, dd, you have your light, and you have your teddy, mummy is going to go very, very quickly for a wee, and then i am coming right back. you don't need to cry, because i know you want me to come, and i will, but i must do my wee or i'll wee on your floor!!!!

humour often works for us in these situations! lol
anyway, do what you need to do to get out of the room, then work on extending it

Agree with thisisyesterday - humour does often work. You do need to get out of the room somehow and keep extending the time. Saying you need to go to the loo, or you have to get something out of the freezer for tomorrow's dinner, or stick some washing in (anything that just takes a couple of minutes) and then going straight back to her will show her that you're not going anywhere and also that you understand she is really scared. Could you do the ironing in the next room and nip in after each item? Just a thought and it would at least make the time you're having to spend with her productive.