Unsure about ds' behaviour

[uncertain]

I don't know exactly how common this behaviour is in young children (I suspect it's mainly boys), but ds, who is nearly 3, seems to be totally unable to stand/sit still most of the time. He's ok at home, as he will sit for quite a long time to watch a video and plays quite well on his own, but yesterday afternoon I had to pop out to the shops and he was a nightmare - all in the space of about 15 minutes. If I'm standing at a counter waiting to be served, ds will be jumping around/touching things/opening and closing the shop door, you name it he'll be doing it. In one shop he was holding a small toy in his hand and proceeded to bang it loudly against the counter while I was trying to speak to the shop assistant, and telling him to stop it/come here/don't touch/keep still, is just to no avail at all. He can't just stand there - he has to be jumping up and down or running around the shop inspecting everything. It gets me down because I can feel myself getting tense, I worry that he might break something and I hate the 'disapproving looks' that he occasionally gets. Amazingly enough he actually sleeps very well, but seems to have ants in his pants the rest of the time. Does this kind of behaviour sound familiar to anyone? Thanks for your help....

Sounds 100% normal and healthy to me. Kids are, IMO, like puppies and kittens, who also run around like mad things for no apparent reason. The only thing is, my ds gets more active and unfocussed when he's tired, so I do watch out for that. Your ds is probably also bored in shops and trying to entertain himself. Ignore the 'looks'!

Hi Uncertain, it's completely normal, I agree. 3 yos, and especially boys, do need exercise and to run around and generally hate standing still in somewhere like a shop, it's boring! (I can see their point too.) In Toddler Taming Christopher Green recommends either leaving your child with someone while you shop or, if that's not possible, shopping in what he calls a 'smash-and-grab' way, by which he means legging it around the shop as fast as possible before they have time to get bored and antsy since bored and antsy = tantrum or performance of some kind due to frustration at having to stand still and behave. At 5.5 my ds is still not always brilliant in shops but it depends on the time of day. It would be madness to take him at 4pm after school, when his energy and need to run around is at its height - I'd be asking for trouble. OTOH he will mostly be wonderfully behaved now in a shop as long as I time it right. At 3 yo though there was no way and his behaviour was just like your ds's and sometimes much, much worse!

My ds needed a lot of exercise at that age too and I used to take him on looooooooong walks so he'd sleep, especially if I needed the break by 7.30pm. I do remember it being completely exhausting sometimes since he was full on most of the time. Their energy is incredible isn't it? Just a thought, but you might also think about what he is eating - E numbers and the like can have quite a dramatic effect IME. I very rarely let ds have Coke but when I have the reaction is immediate and quite scary - even MORE full on, energetic behaviour - that'll be the caffeine and e numbers then! So you could maybe look at that too, just in case. But to answer your quesiton, yes, he sounds normal to me. HTH.

distraction?

are you picking on everything? Ignore the trivial things...

Postiive behaviour? Ie "Good boy you are standing still.. "wearing but it works

agree about exercise - mine are like dogs need a good walk

www, the only thing he drinks a lot of is 'weak' Ribena - as far as I know, Ribena is free of colours & flavours, so do you think it would still affect him in the same way? I don't make it very strong at all, and he will also drink plain water if he has to. He sometimes drinks lemonade or coke, but only in small doses and it's really only for special occasions, like at a barbeque or when we go out for dinner. He's not a big 'sweets' person either so he's not getting a lot of other sugar in his diet - he seems to prefer salty stuff like chips. Maybe it's just him........ I just hope he grows out of it.

uncertain, can't find a great link but Ribena is I think about 15% sugar so it might be having an effect, it's not just E numbers, sugar can send children wild too. There's some more stuff about various other additives here but as I said, I think he sounds normal! If you think it's worth a try you could try cutting out the Ribena/other additives and see what happens.

Hi uncertain - you have described my DS exactly!! I do think this is very common (unfortunately for the mums that are going through it) - I very rarely take my DS shopping (or anywhere for that matter!) if I can possibly avoid it; he never 'stands still' - this morning I was practically in tears as in the 30 minutes between breakfast and leaving for playgroup he had ransacked the house, picks up everything, throws it down somewhere else ...... he has very good diet so I can't blame that - the only positive thing is that he wears himself out so much that he can sleep up to 4 hours in the afternoon and still go to bed at 7pm. Now he is at playgroup 3 mornings a week (where I'm told he is 'lively' but have had no major complaints) so at least I get some peace & quiet!

Good luck ....... hopefully it's just another 'phase'.

I have to say, I'd be more worried about a passive child lacking in energy. I'm sure your son is normal & healthy and that nothing is causing his behaviour, it's just how toddlers behave. They are curious, inquisitive, lively and experimental - its how they learn.

hoorah for little boys.

Yup, you've got a boy!

PS: DS exactly the same.

I only go shopping with ds (who is 2)if i'm desperate as he gets bored too. Tend to go at the weekend or when he's at nursery. Before that I tried everything i.e. banning any food that may make him hyper etc but realised it didn't work and he was just being a boy. Wouldn't have him any other way ( well, most of the time....). People always reassure me that although boys are hard work when they are little, it gets easier when they are older as they tend not to go through puberty as bad as girls, so heres to then!

Thought I would resurrect my thread of a couple of weeks ago, since there seems to have been a change in ds' behaviour over the last week and I don't really know where it's coming from. (He's 3).

My mum took him to a mum's & toddlers group this morning (as she does sometimes), but told me that he was quite badly behaved today. She has never had much trouble with him before but apparently today, he hit a couple of other children out of frustration because he wanted certain toys. He has never done this before but after making two toddlers cry this morning, my mum was a bit upset and smacked him on the bottom & took him home. She said she didn't know what else to do, as a couple of the other mothers were getting a bit uptight about what ds was doing.

He has practically gone from an angel to a little devil overnight!! I can't believe it's the same child. He has always been gentle with other children and particularly ones that are smaller than him, so this behaviour seems very out of character. There is an older boy that ds sees occasionally, who is very rough with other kids and I'm wondering if he has picked it up from being with him... and another factor could be that he was watching my dh 'play fighting' with a friend yesterday - they were slapping each other and pretending to kick each other (while laughing, mind you) but I'm wondering if this has had an effect on him as well.

Have anyone else's kids suddenly starting hitting other children?? I intend to discipline him immediately if I see him do it, and I'm about to give him a 'talking to' about what his grandmother has told me. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest... feeling a little bit ashamed of his behaviour right now.

Personally, I would never smack a child to stop them hitting out - surely it's a bit of a mixed message? Hitting to stop hitting? I can understand your mother feeling embarrassed etc, but I bet none of the other toddlers there are angels either, and I don't know a single child who hasn't snatched, pushed, hit or fought with another child in some way. However, I think she was right to take him home if he was behaving unacceptably. I also agree with intervening, saying 'no' firmly and ideally stepping in early enough to actually prevent the hitting. But I wouldn't worry too much - one single incident of hitting out of frustration isn't enough to label a child a devil child IMO. I was a at a two year old's party at the weekend, and one boy pushed my ds over but I didn't think he was evil, just a little boy and his mother intervened to stop him doing it again, so I was fine. Please don't panic. He's not wicked, just a little boy having a bad day and, like most children, short on self-control.

Maybe what might help is something we SEN moms call Social Stories which you go through BEFORE going to the shops and at home at other times you can use them to talk the situation through. Its a very short home made book or board with an extremely simple sequence, preferably using photos of the actual child involved and setting as well as words. There may be, say, 4 or possibly 5 parts starting with (picture and words) I am x and this is my mummy....... mummy takes me to the shops.......I wait quietly while mummy pays........I am a grown up/big boy OR I like to be like my cousin or someone he likes (with photo).......mummy somtimes buys me X. You might think I'm bonkers for suggesting this but, having a child with severe behavioural problems we have to trouble shoot and solve these kind of problems all the time, just not going out is not an option. I also agree with emphasising, recognising and rewarding positive behaviour such as NOT shouting, running etc (maybe only with attention or possibly something tangible). Whether or not anyone would go to the lengths of a social story, I think its a very good idea to talk thought what you are going to do and what it will be like BEFORE doing it. Reptition is effective but you can always alter the story to prevent boredom or waning interest.
BTW, I've always thought that Ribena was supposed to be poison...!

www this reminds me that I have been menaing to answer you question to me some time ago about boys vs girls.
After 2 sweet self occupying concentrated and articulate girls I have a revolution in parenting on my hands that is an off the scale size wise 2.5 year old bundle of noise energy and enthusiasm. Unbelievable!! and he does much for the nurture vs nature debate as I have tried to 'parent' him the same way as his sisters. I am frightened of his defiance , amazed at his strength alarmed at his frustraed rages and touched to the core by his spontaneous and genuine lovingness, driven to distraction by the relentless motion and need for excercise.

I had a friend with 3 boys who laughed outloud when I had my ds. I really think it is a boy thing and I think that if you have a boy who is gentle and quiet and articulate and calm you should not assume that is by any means the norm.

Uncertain I have left entire shopping trolleys mid aisle, school playgrounds in shame, my parents house in ruins and I am at my wits end as to how to subdue this unleashed force I have produced.

However I just keep him out of doors as much as possible and like www follow Toddler tamings smash and grab (or online!) shopping principle and daily repeat the mantra it's just a phase it's just a phase.
I'm with codswallop on this too - vive la difference!

Sorry left off that I agree taht ssmacking to say stop hitting could appear to be mixed mesage. I take his hand andsay 'that hurts I dont like it' and put him down straight away and walk away. If I need to demonstrate apology to the parent of another child I will remove him quietly from the room after saying the above and keep him out of the room for a bit.

I think it is a phase ds has been through thiss too they need to establish their right to play with certain toys. Like you I discplined my ds but it never really did any good. He doesn't hit anymore but he answers back and tells people, "I don't like you". It is soooooooooo embarassing but I have been told that once they start school nearer 4 yr age they begin to calm down. Seems like a long time to wait doesn't it my ds 3.5 but I wouldn't make to big a deal out of it, but do what I did and give a few warnings and if no joy, take him away from where he is as a punishment. Good luck!

I think this issue is almost more distressing for the parents of the children involved than for the children. As long as you are acknowledging your child's behaviour and trying to help them behave in a more acceptable way, then you're doing well. It doesn't stop overnight, but they definitely grow out of it as they approach school age - they probably figure out they'll wind up with no playmates unless they stop. I had a good friend who's son was always upsetting younger children by hitting them. She used to ignore his behaviour which was incredibly frustrating for us all. I don't think she ever realised it, but it stopped us inviting them over to our houses to play because we knew she wouldn't acknowlege he was doing anything wrong.