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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help! DS (3) is driving all of us mad - bad behavior, not going to bed, waking up etc etc

9 replies

KirstyandDarcy · 25/11/2009 21:20

Help! Please... DS1 (and only) is 3 and has recently become a RIGHT MONKEY!! He suddenly is hating going to bed. Currently listening to the 2nd hour of shouting down the stairs at us (and having to go up and put him back in bed). Everything is a struggle - getting him dressed, getting him to eat, getting him to bed, making sure he stays there.

He says he doesn't want to go in his bed, he kicks, screams, scratches, shouts and generally creates merry hell at home. He is an angel for my parents who have him one day a week and nursery who have him 2 days.

How do we cope? I don't think I can for much longer. This really is getting us down and we would appreciate any help any of you lovely mums can give us.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Clure · 25/11/2009 21:32

You poor thing, big sympathies
First and foremost this is a phase and it WILL pass. I think at this age they are all about testing you and pushing the boundaries.
I think one of the things to do is be consistent and calm in your dealings (hard I know!) a few things you may try:

making sure lots of attention at bath time/winding down time

nice story with lots of reassurance about sleepy time being important to give us lots of energy for playing tomorrow, mummy is only downstairs etc

firmly and without fuss/conversation putting back to bed

This kind of thing may take a while to sink in for little ones but when they see you won't budge on the matter the message sinks in. sorry this sounds not a huge amount of help and you've probably tried lots of things. hopefully someone out there will have some other things to add!! Good luck

maxpower · 25/11/2009 21:36

My DD is 3.4 now and went through a similar phase a few months ago. Like your DS, she was well behaved at nursery 3 days a week and with my parents 1 day a week. I really began to feel that she was singling me out for all her playing up, so I really sympathise.

There was definitely an element of her being tired, so we made a special effort to get her to bed early enough which helped a lot.

Other than that, we had to take a firm, united front on everything. We made our expectations clear and didn't give an inch. If we told her to do something, she got one warning then it was the naughty step. We banned all TV - not that she watched a lot, I would stress - but this was certainly beneficial. We introduced a sticker reward chart (she loves stickers so this was a great incentive) and at bedtime, we'd talk with her about the good and bad things she'd done that day, to encourage her to reflect on her behaviour and understand (on the days that she didn't get a sticker) why she hadn't got one.

Just try to stay strong and consistent. It will pass. If you can share the workload with your DH/DP that will help you both stay sane, but ultimately, it has to be you two against him for the time being. Good luck and hang in there.

alittleteapot · 25/11/2009 21:46

We're having this at the moment with dd who's two and a half. She's just got a new brother which can't be helping matters. I've been feeling like I've really gone wrong somewhere! I'd been proud that she was so confident and spirited but it's seriously got out of hand! I'm on the verge of "breaking" the telly again (this worked for us before) except that it buys me some such precious time during the day.
I'd agree that absolute military consistency really helps, though it's hard, isn't it, to stick to. My dd is NOT consistent in terms of sleep needs etc. I've also been wondering about sticker charts for things like teeth cleaning but don't want to go wholeheartedly down the road of reward driven behaviour if i can help it. It's hard but reassuring to hear that others are in the same boat and that it really is a phase that will pass.

Original poster

KirstyandDarcy · 25/11/2009 22:04

Thank you so much for the advice... though to date we have tried:

leaving him to CIO (no longer works now he's in a bed
rewards (stickers) when he does good things
positive re-inforcement
ignoring the bad
naughty step

Some of them work but the last couple of weeks he really has 'upped the ante' and is pushing boundaries like never before (and belive me there were times when he was 2 and nearly as bad).

It just makes us really and we're so fed up. He's just no fun to be with when he's like this and this makes us feel guilty as it's hard to be positive when he makes us so !!

I really do appreciate that there are others in my situation but I'm wondering if anyone knows of any courses/groups we could attend to help us? Jo Frost seems like an angel at the moment - maybe I should call her!!!

OP posts:

alittleteapot · 25/11/2009 22:32

no but if you're feeling worried about it there may be access to a child psychologist at your local children centre who might be able to advise. or just a trip to the library to flick through a load of books with different perspectives? has anything happened that has rocked his world lately? Is he getting enough quality time with you? Remember the little angel with others thing is a reflection of the fact that he is most secure with you. What does his nursery key worker say? Someone like that with a bit of outside perspective might be able to help. But I would also organise some special treat outings for all of you - sounds like you could do with an injection of fun into things to break the cycle a bit? Sorry not much help but a few ideas...

Original poster

KirstyandDarcy · 26/11/2009 08:24

Nothing major has happened in the last 2 months but I think you're right Teapot - a few family outings will be nice.

I do appreciate your advice and have the health visitor coming next week who has asked me to keep a diary of events.... Off to get an A4 pad now

OP posts:

chocolaterabbit · 26/11/2009 08:34

we're having the same issues with DD who is 2.5 (again, new DS just arrived which doesn't help). We're trying to be consistent and concentrating on the absolutely unacceptable stuff (running into the road, opening the oven door and, for us, getting up several times in the night 'to play' and screaming if DH or I won't play with her, refusing bath etc) I'm leaving the not eating and pouring drinks on the floor at home (instantly dealt with if we're out) until we've got the basics sorted again...

I'm trying to console myself that it probably means she will be bright and spirited and very determined, all of which will stand her in good stead later - we just need to get the boundaries in place. It will be a relief when this bit is over though...

maxpower · 26/11/2009 22:00

If there's a particular problem with going to bed, how about (if money isn't a problem) letting him choose some new bedding? He might be a bit more willing if he feels he's been involved. Don't know if it'll work, but maybe worth a try?

Clure · 26/11/2009 22:22

just a thought, my DD had a problem about a year ago about going to bed and it turned out she was frightened of the dark. We bought a little night light and left the door open a little. This seemed to help. not sure if this is a problem for your little one, thought I'd mention it.
Health visitor good first port of call

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