Toddler hates new big boy bed! please help!

[kezzylou234]

This is my first post and am hoping one of you fab Mums can help me. My 23 month old moved into his new toddler bed on Sunday. He went with us to buy it, helped Daddy build it and was soooo excited about it... until bedtime. For the last 3 nights he has screamed the house down once it comes to sleep time and just clings to me like his life depended on it. I've tried staying with him till he falls asleep but as soon as I try and creep out he screams - and boy does he scream. Was gutted last night and so exhausted, I gave in and brought him into our bed (I'know it was the wrong thing to do). All the advice I have found says to persevere and just keep putting him back into bed when he gets out but nothing about the terrible screaming with fear!! Our neighbours must be cursing us. I'm wondering if he's just not ready for a bed and whether I should put him back in his cot but that's kind of a step backwards. Any ideas ladies - I'm desperate.Thanks xx

I would let him stick with the cot if there's no desperate reason you need him moved. THere's no point in making the big bed a kind of "punishment" thing. It should be a step he wants to make, not a huge big deal. If you allow him to go back to the cot for a little while he may well feel safe enough to want teh big bed.

Can you fit both of them in the same room? We did this for a while and it worked really well - at first we'd have stories in the big boy bed then move him to the cot for sleep. Then eventually we "allowed" him to sleep the night in the big boy bed.

It was therefore more of a treat iyswim.

In your shoes I'd try to fit both beds in the room and let him play with the big bed in the day - see if he asks to go to sleep in big boy bed. Suggest it after a week or two, see if he wants to, but with the proviso that he can always go back to the cot if he wants to.

tyv is spot on

give him the choice, make the big bed seem a treat and let him move of his own accord

I've kind of been in the same situation, but my son was happy to go into his bed but then all of a sudden he would wake up and come into our room. He didn't like going to bed either, and like you we had to creep out when he fell asleep. We tried putting him back but he would scream the place down!!

Anyway, this went on and on, put him back for a while but then like you we had him in our bed, wrong i know, but he is now finally happy to go in this bed and sleeps all night.

I think your little boy will go in his bed when he is ready, but it might take some time. I know it's hard and very tiring but i'm sure he will be fine soon. Maybe keep using the cot until he's ready for the bed.

Hope it works out for you soon.

Thanks ladies for your advice, it is so appreciated.

Tried him in his bed again last night but he just hated it even more so we said bye bye to the bed for a bit and got his cot out again. His little face lit up and he slept like a log in it!!!

Toddler bed is now in the spare room as it won't fit in his box room with his cot so he can see it and we will go and read stories on it etc. so he knows it's there. I think I just rushed him, felt so much pressure from other moms I know that he should be in a bed by now that I didn't actually think what he wanted. He's always loved his cot and I'm now looking on that as a good thing not a bad thing. When he's ready to go into his bed, I want it to be a nice experience not seem like I'm torturing him!!

Thanks again,

Oh PS - I'm probably being thck here, but what does DD and DS mean????
DD DS

dear daughter, dear son

but good idea to go back into cot. He'll use the bed when he's ready!

I wouldn't feel any pressure at all - there's no big advantage to their being in a bed, in fact in some ways it's a right pain.

Firstly a cot is safer at night (if they can't climb out) as they don't go wandering. It also means they can't get into your bed without telling you! Secondly, DS1 now refuses to sleep in a cot, which means that when we go on holiday he has to have a bed, not a travel cot, which is a real faff and more expensive. Thirdly they can and do fall out of beds while they get used to them, which makes for more broken nights.

So look on it as a positive if you can

Oh dear, I have created a monster!! He now hates his cot (the one he has slept in since he was 6 weeks old!) Have had 2 more nights of screaming uncontrolably and clinging to me. So last night we tried to just let him get on with it - we knew he was safe and warm. He screamed for about 30 mins (which at 2am seemed like hours) and finally, cried himself to sleep. Felt so upset to hear his little sobs as he nodded off. Hoping and praying he will get used to his cot again and plan to keep him in there until he's 18 lol! Thanks for all your advice. Lesson learned - no not give in to other Mum peer pressure

kezzylou234 - how about trying to leave the side of his cot down for a few weeks so he gets used to not being fully enclosed for a while. Then put him in the bed with a bed rail on one side and putting the bed against the wall on the other so it feels like more of a cot?

This worked for us.

kezzylou234 we are going through exactly the same situation. We started with the bed on Saturday and we have had lots of terrified screaming in between. My DS will be 2 in December as well and my second is due at the end of January.

He seemed really keen on the big boy bed and bedding and given the option of the cot (which we still have in the room) he will refuse point blank to go in the cot (flailing and screaming). He talks about his big boy bed a lot, but he is terrified to be in it on his own. The second either DH or I get into bed with him he visibly relaxes and will fall asleep eventually (whilst checking we are still there constantly).

We've found if we keep him in his gro-bag it takes the edge off the fear a little (he can unzip his gro-bag if he wants). We have a side rail up. I've also dragged out a night-light in case he is afraid of the dark (not that he ever has been before) and he seems to like that a bit as well.

Like you we seem to be stuck between being scared of big bed and hating the cot ... I hope that someone can come up with an inspirational suggestion, or can tell me it is just a phase that will pass within a few days.

Well, things still not improving - DS can now climb out of his cot (never did before). So everynight I put him in it to sleep, I leave the room and within a couple of minutes he's at the top of the stairs shouting 'Mummy' and looking very pleased with himself. Returning him to his cot creates the tears and screaming again and then the same thing happens - we leave the room, etc. etc. Just do not know what to do!?! He's so unsettled

kezzylou I'm sorry things aren't improving. We have had a little bit of a better time since I posted. We live overseas so we have had a couple of night and day time naps since I last posted.

We have removed the cot from DS's room as it was confusing him and he was point blank refusing to get into it.

After a couple of nights in his gro-bag, we have now progressed to just pj's.

He sleeps with a small night light now (which I leave on all night ... I made the mistake of turning it off one night and he woke up and screamed the place down).

Instead of getting into bed with him, I (or DH) now sit next to his bed until he goes to sleep ... although I am leaving a periodic intervals telling him I will return so he gets used to me not being there.

He seems to have adapted a little better, but is waking quite early in the morning still... we are thinking that we might see how it goes this week with the sitting with him until he sleeps then gradually wean him off that as there does seem to be a genuine fear.

DS still hasn't really got out of bed when he is upset yet ... we are waiting for that to be the next phase.

I read somewhere if they get out of their cot/bed then the best thing to do is to return them with minimal eye contact and no talking ... not sure if I'll be able to do that when the time comes.

Good luck, let me know how things progress.

stoooooopid stoooopid me! I posted to soon.
My DS has discovered his way out of the bed and down the hallway. Last night was terrible.

He ended up in with us after I failed to get him to go back to sleep in his own bed. Am exhausted. Hope tonight is better.