3.7 yo ds2 is such a nightmare in the mornings he is making us late for school

[colditz]

He gets up, refuses to get dressed or be dressed, refuses to use his potty, refuses to choose breakfast, refuses to eat breakfast, refuses to use his inhalers (not in any way negotiable) and refuses to either walk or sit in his pushchair. He refuses to wear his coat, he refuses to get his shoes, then he moans all the way to school about how he 'doesn't want to go to playschool' (which he loves once he is there)

now, I can deal with all of the above, given enough time. But I don't have enough time. I am spending an hour every morning just arguing, cajoling and sometimes FORCING a small boy to do the things we need to do in order to leave the house!

Short of sticking a rocket up his arse, what can I do to get him out of the door at 8.30, wahsed, fed, dressed and toileted?

dd the same. bribery/threats don't work. she's like this every time she wakes up morning or after nap in day. driving me mad. interested in advice too. have you tried stickers? doesn't work for us but .....

Would he care if you threatened to take him out in his PJs and wearing a nappy?

I had a slightly older charge who was exactly like this until I told him that we were going to school regardless of whether he ate his breakfast, got dressed or anything - he chose to call my bluff, we left the house at 8.20 with him in his PJs and slippers (it was summer) and 2 minutes later we were back inside, he was dressing and we were out the door 'on time' (I did have to wind the clocks forward) because he saw one of his friends down the road. Never had any problems again. Advise prewarning preschool in case you do actually go through with it.

Have also threated to put a 4 year old old in her little brother's nappy if she didn't use the toilet properly. Wouldn't have fitted but she didn't know that. I was standing there with a nappy and a very serious expression.

Both of these done with full parental approval in case anyone gets up in arms about this.

he wouldn't care about the Pjs and he wouldn't care about the nappy. he would LOVE to wear a nappy all day, he's very very lazy. He's quite capable of using the toilet but frequently wets himself because "It's upstairs and I was playing!"

His PJs would not bother him one iota.

He's actually a very nice little boy, just infuriating!

Oh bugger

Persistence? Lots of courage and patience for you?

Does he like racing? Could you challenge him to little races either against you or against the clock?

You have my sympathy - DS2 is the same. I'm afraid I don't have any answers.
Have you actually tried taking him to playschool in PJ's / nappies? You say it wouldn't bother him...but when it comes down to it, he might be mortified (or he might just think it's a big joke...which is probably most likely....!)
It is probably a phase and it will pass.
DS1 was the same at this age, he is now 5 and far more sensible (sometimes)
I think 3 is far worse than 2.

DD (3) is going through a similar phase. Things that help (though not all the time):
pretending to phone her friend 'Oh Amy, well done, you got your PJs off? DD can't do that...' cue DD 'OH YES I CAN' and doing it.
Sticker bribery to wear on her tshirt and show her friends.
Distraction via TV/book and getting her sorted while she doesn't really notice.
Racing her to the bathroom.
Piggy back to the bathroom.
Putting on my coat and shoes and announcing that we are leaving NOW - DD then panics and gets ready.
Letting her choose an apple to take with her and eat on the way.

DS was the same at this age. We had a sticker chart for him because he wanted to earn a certain toy, that worked quite well for him.

It does pass!

I remember talking about this with my FIL (child psychologist) as dd2 was (and to some respects still is) exactly as you describe your ds.

i was full of ideas of star charts and entertaining races and distraction and bribes etc and I was fully expecting him to be nodding along full of encouragement.

What he said was, 'at the end of the day you have to be there on time. You are the adult and they are the child. If they won't get dressed then you GET them dressed. It's as simple as that.

So from then on I was very direct with dd, either you get your clothes on or I will put them on you. I'll serve breakfast (or put the bowls and cereal on the table for you to serve yourself - new strategy) and you can eat or not. I'm not fussed. When the timer goes either you put your coat and shoes on, or I will put them on you.

We went through several weeks of tantrums and all the rest of it as I firmly got her dressed (no shouting, no threats, no temper lost) and occasionaly even now she will still try it on (she is 4.5). Then she can choose the easy or hard way.

She's wised up now and chooses the easy way (her doing it herself).

Does he get dressed before or after breakfast? I prefer to get everyone dressed before breakfast (we have a mantra of morning jobs: "dressed, teeth, hair, breakfast" ) but if DD2 is being particularly horrific then I will let her have breakfast in her pajamas becuase she's normally more reasonable once there's food inside her!

colditz, the only thing from your OP I would try to incentivise in a formal fashion(star chart, sweetie, working towards a toy, 15 mins of telly...whatever) is the taking of the inhaler.

All the rest of the shennanigans gets the more subtle behavioural reward of you giving him a big kiss and a hug and 'well done, thanks for getting dressed mate, you are star' (as opposed to mummy having the impassive face of 'this is all very boring and I care not' as you put his pants on).

as you put his pants on him obviously.

If you looked bored as you put little boy pants on yourself well that would be really quite odd.

Apparently a timer/old fashioned egg timer to 'race' agaisnt whilst doing certain things can work with some children.

I guess it is down to how much you want to encourage him - and at what point you take the 'right, I am the mummy and this IS happening even if I have to pin you down' approach. At various times I have deployed both!

Morning. DH struggles with getting DD ready and whenever he is about in the Mornings she messes me about too. I think it is because he babies her a little bit where as I let her and expect her to do things herself.

It is easy to baby them at 3 as they still are very dependent on us but they can do an awful lot. We certainly do, especially DH.

If she refuses to eat then we leave without a full breakfast, DH fusses so much but DD is quite well built and won't fade to nothing just because she only ate 2 spoons of weetabix.

We also "race" to get dressed and there is always a "treat" for her winning. Yes sometimes that may be a biscuit but more often it is a quick stop at the park before the shops, or time for a cartoon before we have to leave.

Also another top tip - "tell" don't "ask".

Sounds good right hard to apply every day in practice though