Help cannot handle dd 2.4 years at the moment...

[waitingforbetterdays]

DD and I have always been very close and spend alot of time together. I have been working more then usual recently and she has been behaving very badly. It could be because of me working or just her age.

She has always been very deanding but she is now getting even more impatient. She screams and crys if she does not get her way. Demands things she wants like chocolate or going on the swings. And is generally very difficult to look after at the moment.

I love her to bits. I am a single mum and am living at my mums house at the moment. Which could also be part of the problem as when I try to get her back into a proper sleeping routine it is difficult and my mum spoils her. And when I try to stop her behaviour she gets involved.

I do not feel like I know how to deal with dd demanding things from me all the time and crying when she does not get what she wants. I cannot stand the constant whinging.

Just wondering if anyone has got any advice or can point me in the dirction to get some.

Bump

Oh golly I just started a thread about my 2.7yo boy along the same lines.

If anyone replies I'll pass it on...Fwiw I think this is a stage most 2yos go through. It's murder at the moment here too.

I'm trying to remember it will pass...I have a nice 6yo who was far worse and he is lovely now

Thanks for your reply, its good to know that someone else is feeling the same as me.

Also I am finding nearly everything she does now irrates me becase she is playing up all the time. And I feel terrible for being annoyed by my own little girl...

waitingforbetterdays: I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time with your little one. Kids can be so wearing at times!

I have just one child, a four year old DD, so my experience is not that extensive. However, for what it's worth, I think that the behaviour your DD is exhibiting is typical for her age. There were times when I wanted to tear my hair out over my own DD at age 2 - she seemed to wake up ready to lock horns: everything was a battle and as soon as we resolved one issue she was onto the next. I can't honestly remember how I got through it (have clearly blanked it out!!). I think I just tried to be calm and loving but also as firm as possible (as a friend says, "no means no and once means once"!). There might, though, also be a link with your extra work. Perhaps your daughter is feeling a bit unsettled with you being around less and her challenging behaviour is partly to ensure she does at least have your attention when you are there?

As regards your mum, I think it would help to have a chat with her and ask her to support you in getting your DD into a good sleeping pattern and gently ask her not to interfere in how you choose to handle your DD (in particular, not to contradict you when your DD is present). I think your mum perhaps needs to understand that it is one thing for her to spoil her GD and overrule you if she just has your DD to stay every now and again, but that, with all of you living under one roof, she needs to step back a bit and try and come into line with you as DD's parent. If your mum's parenting style is very different to yours and your DD is with her when you are at work then this might also be a contributing factor in your DD's difficult behaviour in that she feels confused about being sent two entirely different messages within the home environment.

You sound a lovely and caring mum and I hope it all works out for you.

I think it is a tough age, my DS is also 2.4. He does tent to 'punish' me and not want to let me out of his sight if I work hours different to normal - I guess it makes them feel insecure. I just try to be consistent, give him attention when I can and try to grin and bear it.

Do you/can you work a regular pattern of hours? I think this helps them know where they are. Are the same childcare arrangements in place - does she feel secure as to what is happening whilst you are at work?

Has the move in with your mum been a recent thing - maybe she is still adjusting? Can you ask your mum to work with you/leave the sleep thing to you (easier said than done I know!).

My DD is 2.8 and she is Very Hard Work at the moment. Most days are a constant stream of demands which range from the sublime to the ridiculous

I need some sweeties, now. - I think we are going to have breakfast actually DD.

I don't like toast/sandwiches/any other food she loves - I ignore this, give it her anyway and she eats it

And just general 24/7 commentary of her every passing thought and whim, it is very wearing. I ignore as much as humanly possible, the low level whinging, unless it is causing a serious problem - ie waking DS up or being mean to the dog.

And I am being very firm - if we give in after 15 mins of whinging it will be worth trying it again - so if I said no more milk, no more. No matter how annoying it is.

I am taking the long term view that if she realises (eventually) that I am the boss, it will be easier in the long run. Its not a democracy - it's a benign dictatorship.

I have also found it useful to try the fantasy thing from 'how to talk', eg she moans for chocolate, I say mmm yes it would be nice to have chocolate wouldn't it, we could have it for dinner, and for tea, and breakfast, every single day! We would never have cereal again! Just chocolate...etc etc' I feel very false and ridiculous saying it, but the whining turns to giggles then I just change the subject and .

I would definately have a word with your mum too - its lovely you want to help but I need you to do X,Y and Z so that we can both help DD with rah rah rah.

theredqueen - I know that when I am at work and leave dd with my mum she gives her anything she wants so there are no tantrums. So that is why dd expects the same from me.

littone - we have been living with my mum for about 6months so that is not the problem. But I do agree with the punishing me thing. I feel she is doing that. I am working more then usual but it will not be a permanant thing. In the next few weeks I will be working less again. But I was hoping to get a proper job in the new year and work maybe 3 or 4 full days per week. And now I'm worried about how that will affect dd.

moaningmini - My dd 'needs' chocolate about 10 times per day and 'needs' the swings so screamed all the way homw today and for about 20mins when we got home.

The main problem with my mum is when dd crys she gives her chocolate. Like when we came in today and dd was screaming my mum gave her chocolate as dd found it on the side. Then dd carried on crying but stopped when putting a peice of chocolate into her mouth.

It is very frustrating but atleast others have this problem not just me. As I am worrying that it is my fault for not being firm enough.

My DS1 is 2.6 playing up too. General naughtiness and really pushinv the boundaries. When I tell him to do something, he looks straight to my eyes and says "NO". Or hits DS2 in the head with a car, or hits the dog.

My MIL feeds him spoonfuls of Nutella to keep him quiet which doesn't help so I know what you mean. I had to ask DH to have a word with his mother because it was getting ridiculous.

DH travels frequently for work and every time he leaves/comes back, DS1 starts making a fuss every morning when I drop him off at the CM and misbehaves in every way so I think that chances do trigger something in him.

I'm with you MMWA, I am firm as well and after a warning he sits in the entrance hall for a while to calm down. Sometimes I feel like he is looking for a "punishment" and seeing how far he can push before something happens. I do hope that it is only a phase.

Have a dd who is 2.3. Haven't really experienced what you have yet but am reading 1-2-3 Magic which has been much praised on this site. The message in the book seems to be to talk less, use less emotion if possible and use the 1-2-3 Method which is to give 3 warnings and then implement either a timeout or some other sanction. It seems to make sense to me but would be interested in hearing if others with dcs who are 2-3 have found this book useful for this age group. Good luck.

I think what worked best for me with ds at this age was firm boundaries combined with a big sense of humour, not taking things too seriously.

You don't need to jump on every little thing with a sucking-a-lemon-face, (not that I'm saying you do, just trying to explain my approach!) some things can be laughed at, joked about, and distraction used. I found that I needed to think my way round things rather than meet them head on, as a two year old is ALWAYS ready to lock horns...however, you as the adult are cleverer and have more experience and can think your way out of most awkward situations. Keeping calm is the absolute secret; you can't think if you're fully engaged with being cross, het up and in the middle of an argument with a toddler.

But yes, other things need firm lines drawn and no backing down from that. I think you might need to have a chat with your mum - in your current situation she is like the co-parent and she does I think need to tone down the grandparenty-treat-based relationship. I do understand that will be hard for her though. But I think your DD needs that, in the interests of those clear boundaries.