4.5 year old DD becomes monster at bedtime. Why?

[WhiteTea]

The skinny is: the DD gets ready for bed about 7 ish. If we've got the food intake right, and the balance of stimulating/not too-stimulating activities right, and we've kept the mood light, and the wind is from the north west, she'll have had a tantrum-free time from when she gets home from school (reception) to when it's bathtime and bed.

But...... sometimes the head hits the pillow after the bedtime story. There's contented silence for about thirty seconds, then before you reach the door, all 'night night darling and so on' the spitting, snarling beast suddenly emerges, refusing to lie down, kicking, punching, the glaring challenge which seems to say 'OK, hit me why don't you?'.

This is sometimes sorted by kind and/or stern words and impacability and asome of the other ruses like putting her back in bed, standing sentry and so on - but at other times after about half an hour we've got a wide awake blair witch project standing at the top of the stairs hurling abuse (well, 4 year old abuse like 'she's not our friends')and threatening all kinds of nasties. So why is she doing this? (and it's not because the stories are rubbish)

Hello. Poor you. I figure the time between 5 and 7 is not call the witching hour for nothing..... have very similar situation with DS1. (4.5 years)

Sometimes he is in bed/ story / lights out / land of nod and then other times it's hell on earth.

I have actually brought bath forward now to 6.15 / 6.30 and it means that if he is in his PJs at around 6.35 (yes I am very mean with the bath time as it means he has less of an opportunity to get wild) then there is more time to allow for any tantrum. I find I get REALLY stressed if he is having a tantrum later than if he has one at around 7 - i think oh well he has a whole hour to do this and it's not encroaching on my time. I know it sounds mad but it means I don't somehow come across as stressed as I would if it was happening at around 7.45 when I would think shit only 15 mins to get this over with.

Not sure if that is any help but next time - don't think you are on your own because you are most certainly not!!!

All of mine were evil bastard children from hell during the first term of Reception. She's exhausted, and probably a bit stressed because it's all new and different, and pushing her luck. Just keep calm and carry on. Don't react any more than you absolutely need to - repeat "go back to bed" again and again and again. It will pass.

Hassled: thank you for 'Evil bastard children from hell'. Now there's a bedtime story book I'd like to read DD.

She's been doing this weird character switch at bed time thing since nursery and actually pretty much since whenever. With her it's like a switch switched, and the bulb that comes on is incandescent. Perhaps she's always overtired and stressed. Practice for being a grown up, whatever one of those is!

Twolittlekings: does an earlier bath and bed and an earlier tantrum (optional) mean earlier mornings though? Now that would make me really cranky!

Love the idea of the optional earlier tantrum - is this optional for mum as well?

I would try earlier bedtime as it sounds like she is tired. First term of reception is always very tiring for them. If all else fails, you could try letting her have a story CD on for 10 minutes or let her be like a big girl and allow her a light on to read a book herself for 10 minutes before lights out. A change in routine could just help.

Apart from that you just have to stand firm.

I don't know why it happens, but if its any consolation my DD 4.5 is very similar. Tea time is her worst point but she turns in an instant from a normal loving child to a complete flailing, spitting, screaming monster.

I keep muttering under my breath "she's tired and it's just a phase".....

You know what?; this stuff really works. You stick a problem in one end, and a solution comes out the other. Or if not a solution as such, you get stuff which makes you feel better about not being the only one with the weirdest alien love child from hell, or whatever.

The story CD sounds good. But what story? What's good for a tomboy DD who doesn't like pink very much, can't see the point of dolls unless you can cut their hair off, thinks fairies and princesses are stupid, but is still a girl. The story has to be interesting and not infantile. A new thread I think.

Thanks to all.

Horrid Henry story CD's have always been winners in our house.

agree with the story cd idea, dd really likes the julia donaldson (gruffalo, room on a broom ect) books. we often read her the book and then she has the story again on cd whilst in bed with lights out. 9 times out of 10 she is asleep before it ends. your local library should have a good variety of kids audio books, so you could give it a try without spending loads of money?

They do make special relaxation CDs for kids, DS has one and it's very cute. Tells them to leave their worries by a special tree and then float off on their bed for an adventure, etc etc. Very hippy I guess but DS likes it.

I do agree with an earlier bedtime. DS was in bed at 6.30ish in reception year. It didn't mean earlier mornings for us, as he didn't necessarily drop off any earlier, it just meant he was in bed before hysterical-over-tiredness hit.