So a toddler won't starve himself but not eating can make him (and me) very miserable - please help!

[nondomesticgoddess]

I'm sure this has been covered over and over but I do not know what to do with ds and I've just had enough.

Dd (3.6) was a terrible eater and I did all the 'wrong' things and basically force fed her. It was hideous for about 2 years but she is now a pretty good eater.

When ds (20 months) started to go off food I was determined not to go the same way. From very early on I have been Mrs Chilled Out and let him lead the way - if he wants to eat, he will, if not, he won't. However, he has just got worse and worse. He sits willingly at the table but then refuses to eat pretty much anything offered unless it's a fruit pot or a yoghurt.

Today he ate - 1 weetabix (a miracle in itself), 1 fruit pot, 1 biscuit, 1 yoghurt, 4 minute rice cakes and 1 fruit pouch.

I wouldn't mind the not eating but he now screams at the table. You get him down and he continues screaming.

He is very clingy at the best of times but he seems to be getting upset more and more easily and I'm sure he must be hungry.

Does a toddler know that hunger pains are helped by eating??

Please help me - this is really getting us down. The crying seems endless, I'm snapping unnecessarily at dd and I don't know what to do.

We are having the same sort of problems with DS (22 months). He will sit and scream at the table. It doesn't matter what you give him - if he's decided beforehand he wants something in particular he will cry if he doesn't get it. We're quite strict with him as he's always been a bit of a crier and ignoring him does help.

If he screams at the table his meal gets taken away and he has to get down. He will continue to scream but we just ignore him and he will either stop and go away or he will stop and decide he wants to get back up to the table to eat. He doesn't get what he wants and he never gets pudding unless he's eaten his dinner. He is very vocal and can tell us what he wants. I don't get hung-up about his not eating, I just won't have screaming at the table and he knows it!!

Well I was going to say be very very relaxed but it seems you are. Do you ever do sticker charts or reward for eating?

Perhaps write down what he eats in a week and then what you would like him to eat in a week, how far apart are they with respect to food groups and things he needs.

My DSister got a child psychologist for her DS, it was truly invaluable.

Well, we have had a much better couple of days. He has eaten a half decent amount of food and as a result, has been so much happier both at mealtimes and the rest of the time.

I do think I need to pre-empt his hunger. If he's barely eaten anything all day, I expect him to be desperate for tea. Instead he seems even worse. I think more snacking might actually help sometimes.

Also, I've been very mean (and clever ) - he kept saying 'biscuit tin' over and over so I took all the biscuits (bourbons, custard creams) out of the tin and swopped them for plain crackers! He looked a little perturbed at first but has now accepted it. This has the double benefit of him eating something vaguely more healthy and him not demanding 'biscuit tin' nearly as often!

I don't think LO's are meant to eat 3 meals a day until they are much older. My DD is only 2 so not the same age, but at nursery they feed them every few hours. Suits her perfectly. Rice cakes, banana, grated cheese, that kind of thing, and offer regular milk, and when she gets home she still has a pretty good dinner.
If your DS is susceptible to low blood sugar crankiness some kind of homemade flapjack with grated carrot or something might be better than a biscuit. I suffer terribly with low blood sugar and literally lose the will to live if I'm hungry, oat cakes are great for me.
It also sounds to me like your DS has a cold, maybe a sore throat, maybe teething so feels lousy and doesn't want to eat. I'd try him with soups perhaps? Chicken potato soup that kind of thing.
good luck!

Unseenacademicalmum - well, I have been limiting feeds (although not brilliantly I have to say) and it doesn't seem to have made much difference. she is only having the odd spoonful at any meal. I'm even thinking of giving her quavers every day to see if it kick-starts her hunger for solids as she loves them. I'm going to keep on trying to stick to the milk schedule though as it may take a couple of weeks to have any impact - will keep you posted!

nondomesticgoddess that's all sounding much better - I'm quite jealous. You might have a point on the regular snacks improving appetite - think I might try that...

All the food you describe seems quite liquid. My 15 month old will only eat food he can pick up in his hand. Also he often only eats a particular colour food. This week it is orange/white/blue some weeks it is only green food. At the moment he only wants to eat carrots, fishfingers, banana, sultanas, bread and blueberries. I did worry that he would starve (no actually tearing my hair out), but he has the toddler milk as well and is off the scale height wise so i guess they self-regulate.