wrong to sleep train at clingy stage?

[duedec2]

Our DS (just one) has never slept through the night, always waking once or twice. I've held off disciplining/sleep training him, because it never seemed right to ignore his cries, but I some experts believe it's okay to do so after one (in a measured kind of way). And I do think it's time to get his sleep sorted before he starts yelling words at us.
HOWEVER, DS is going through an especially clingy (to me) phase and last night he just would NOT go down in his cot after he woke at 11pm - screamed and screamed as if world was coming to an end - and I ended up sleeping beside him on a mattress on the floor. I've slept beside his cot on and off for weeks and my husband is beginning to complain which seems fair enough.
Should I wait until he is a bit less clingy to show him night is night; cot is cot; etc? Or are 1-year-old babies just better and noisier at manipulating their soft mothers? ANY advice much appreciated ...

Hi, cant offer any advice I am afraid but have a similar problem. DS is 8m and although i no longer feed him at night he always wakes, usually around 10-11pm and takes ages to go back to sleep. I can rock him to sleep in my arms but he always wakes when i put him down. I have resorted to leaving him to cry for 5mins at a time and he will eventually go to sleep usually after about an hour. He often wakes again around 2-3am and then at 5am. He isnt hungry or in pain but he is also very clingy to me during the day. I often give in at 5am and bring him into our bed to feed him and hope that we all fall asleep again for an hour or so until DD wakes us all up!!!

i remember DS's sleep going haywire when he was around a year old

try to do a gentle night time routine so at least he knows bath, feed, story and into bed

comfort him in the cot - this can be with your voice or patting

Comforting in the cot ... it doesn't feel much like comfort when he's standing up and screaming; I ALWAYS end up picking him up - anyone have experience of not picking up and it working? Or would it be quicker and therefore kinder for me to leave him to it for 5 mins or so?

do you have him in a sleeping bag? I had problems with this too, especially as I thought he was fully asleep in my arms but would wake as soon as he was in the cot - MNers suggested putting him in a sleeping bag and it made a big difference.

I had tried leaving DS to cry - 40 mins of heartrending wailing is bad for the soul but I sat it out; next night was 20 mins, then 10 then he would go back to sleep himself - BUT sometimes he would fall asleep standing up and draped over the side of the cot, so he would wake again in 30 mins. NOT a good scenario. And other times he just wouldn't go off to sleep at all, so in the end I stopped with the "leaving him to cry" business because it wasn't having the consistent effect that others have achieved.

Sleeping bags dont always work. My DS (8 months) is in one and he still manages to stand up.

Does it matter what random people think is right and wrong? This is not a simple issue you'll find experts and MNers to back up whatever you want to do.

You and your DH have to decide if YOU are ready to do sleep training, and if you think it is right.

Poor you. I can see myself in your shoes in 3 months time. I am feeding twice a night and DS is always standing ready to be fed!

At one point when he was waking 4 or 5 times a night I stopped picking him up and rocking and it HONESTLY worked. That was for the wakes which were extra to feeds 4 hourly. Now he only wakes for feeds.

I used earplugs and didn't talk - just put my hand on him. He never cried for more than 15 mins (but he wasn't hungry). Then it was 10, then 5. Then I stopped going to him after a month or so and he would cry for maybe 2 minutes. But I have always fed if it is 4 hours since the last one or he is ill.

Can you get the doc to check him out before you embark on your plan?

But I think you just have to ignore the standing up thing. He will sit down and lie down when he works it out (that you are not picking him up). Actually DS did the other night (he was sitting up when DH left him after soothing a bit in the cot).

Thank you all for the good advice. He stands very proficiently in his sleeping bag, but I have evidence that he can also lie down again comfortably in it ... It has just dawned on me that my feeding him in the night may have something to do with all this (had pretty much stopped, but he got ill; now better). He has plenty of formula during the day and, I think and hope, enough food (plenty of opportunities to eat too). So tonight I will start by stopping the breastfeeding (hardly any milk left anyway- it was beginning to hurt) and will take it from there ... without controlled crying, probably, as I'd hate it. I like Dycey's hand on baby but plugs in ears! Will try that. If that counts as sleep training - is anything that isn't picking up and rocking sleep training?? - so be it.

ps Thumbwitch I hope your DS is sleeping better now? Sleeping draped over the cot! So sweet, and proof that these harsh plans don't suit all ...

Good luck duedec2 - your due date is coming up again! I believe they call the hand on tummy method 'Gradual Withdrawal' - you step away over the course of ten days. You can plan your exit from the room and move every 3 days. To be honest that seemed too complicated for a younger baby but a one year old might notice where you are in the room? I will look it up in my Millpond Sleep book for you if you like?

Hello - I'm having similar probs with my 1 yr old. Until recently was easy - bath, milk, bed, sleep through night. Now he falls asleep in arms, soon as hits cot bed, wide awake, standing in sleeping bag screaming to the extent he is sick... happening most nights. Have tried controlled crying, but just gets so worked up he's sick. Any advice welcomed.

hi all of mine have gone through this phase. I NEVER leave them crying it breaks my heart to hear them. What I do is when they start crying i pick them up comfort them until they stop crying then put them back down. If they start crying i pick them up again. After a while they give up and gp to sleep. If they dont I take them for a snuggle somewhere else. The way I see it crying for attention etc isnt crying for no reason its crying for comfort.

My older two are 5 and 3 and sleep every night 6pm until 6am so it hasnt done them any harm at all!

That is so nice to hear Fernie. I did that pick up put down with DS months ago to get him to sleep in his cot at the beginning of the night and it worked a treat. He got pissed off rather than very upset. Had always thought it would be a palavar in the middle of the night, but I'm sure I'll do something along those lines/ Dycey's presence when he's got used to no milk (the last two nights I've slept with him as couldn't deprive him of feeds and force him to sleep in cot as once. I'm soft you see. If I had left him to cry when he was a few months old perhaps it would have been better but I have this hippy idea that leaving a baby to cry isn't great for its spirit and confidence in powers of expression blah blah)