My 12 yr old just told me and his Dad to F@ck off :O(

[HeinzSight]

He has been diagnosed as being on the ASD, he has a social communication disorder. He presents a v capable, intelligent boy but has these awful outbursts and tantrums when things don't go exactly his way.

Dh and I are frankly exhausted by it all . We worry about how it affects the two smallest children, 2 and 3 month old baby. My 10 yr old has suffered no end because of his older brother; we don't socialise because of his behaviour, we haven't done half the things we'd like to have done in terms of weekend activities, most family holidays have frankly been awful because of his 'spoilt brat' type behaviour.

I know he has a condition, i know i know i know, but I;m just so worn out, worn down and sad right now,

Can anyone give me any words of encouragement or strength?

He's never told us to fuck off before

I told him to go up to his room after being made to sit on our sofa for 5 mins and he said in an aggressive voice 'FINALLY' and stomped up the stairs. I told him we didn't want to be around him when he's behaving like this and he shouted 'i don't care what you think'

I know he doesn't mean it, it's so hard as a parent being spoken to like this.

Of course!

How's it going everyone?

I've just had another near miss explosion with DS1. We told him to go to his room to calm down and just stopped discussing anything with him because he was just being difficult.

grr

(exhausted)

It is exhausting, HeinzSight, especially because it's hard to see an end to it. People with ASD tend to live in the present so they're not too bothered about analysing past behaviour and not greatly committed to improving things as they don't see the point. So telling you to fuck off is just an instant reaction and he knows it'll annoy you, though he probably doesn't say it to hurt.

We're much further down the line but I really don't have any instant answers, just sympathy and cyber support. Our son blames all his problems on us ( this happens sometimes with AS) and there's no point discussing this with him ( we've tried frequently) because his views are now entrenched - and he's got razor sharp intelligence and can argue you under the table!

It does seem like arrogance but they are not very aware of all those social nuances.

For your own sanity you need to ignore some of it and give him some space. The teenage years are not easy and if experience has taught me anything it is to try and have some regular help ( ours was very patchy and some definitely not helpful) that your son can feel positive about.Our son decided that he was fine - cos we were the problem!- and would have nothing to do with psychologists once he got to 14 -15. Like any teenager, he didn't want to appear different and thought he'd be able to carry on like everyone else. Whilst the determination was admirable, the results weren't - being in denial is a nightmare for all concerned.

I really could go on at some length but that would be more about me than trying to be of use to you ( I can ramble on for hours but try not to!!).

What I really wanted to say is - don't blame yourself, try not to compare your son / family with other non-ASD versions ( difficult) and try and keep a part of your own life going which doesn't involve stressing in some way about him.
After a disastrous holiday when he was 15 I swore never to go away with him again. And I never have. He's not bothered - hates holidays- as long as I fill the freezer with ready meals!

Heinz hope you are ok your ds sounds like mine he is exhasting at times and I worry sometimes about the other dc too.

Don't know what to add as you have already had a lot of excellent advice just wanted to let you know you are not on your own in this.

Thank you comewhinewithme and campion please if you have time, I'd love to hear your experiences, it does actually really help me.