Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Very Grumpy Baby!! :-S

23 replies

EmmaLouise1982 · 18/11/2009 23:56

I wonder if anyone can help me out here?
As funny as it sounds, my son seems to be in a permanently bad mood
He is almost 6 months and had bad colic and reflux as a newborn and was a 'cryer' but we put it down to his tummy issues, but now they are pretty much resolved and he's just not a very happy little chappy!
He doesn't really like to be held or cuddled (unless he is tired) and he whinges quite a lot. If we are out and about in his buggy or whatever, he is as good as gold but he really seems to play me up at home for some reason! We do have a routine albeit a fairly relaxed one, whereby he has a bath at 7 and is in bed by 8 (although he is very fussy with bottles, see my other posts) and the last few nights he has just cried between 6 and 8, eek! I keep putting it down to 'teeth' but none have appeared and he has been like it for weeks now.
Sometimes he's in a nice playful mood but other times someone only has to look at him and he burts into tears, and he has developed a fear of people laughing (!) and he cries of someone laughs too loudly. I think I am doing everything right? I take him to baby groups and read to him, interact with him lots etc. so I hope it' s not an issue I'm giving him?! I keep finding myself making excuses to people 'oh, he's tired' etc. but secretly it's starting to get me down a little I'm in th eprocess of moving him into his own room which isn't hlping as he's not sleeping welll in the day. I feel like I'm never going to be able to let anyone look after him incase he performs and they can't calm him.
Is this something he will grow out of do you think or have I just been landed with a grumpy one? Would a more rigid routine help maybe? Sorry for the long rant! x

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
whomovedmychocolate · 19/11/2009 07:03

Well if you are the same person who has quit breastfeeding recently I think you are just worrying about a lot of things which aren't really problems. Look babies get tired, they don't need constant stimulation and if he is in pain, or you think he is, he's not going to be a happy chap is he?

Having said, DS was a grumpy little bugger till he was about 8 months and it seemed to be frustration because he wanted to be moving about but didn't get crawling properly till then.

I found music helped - he would waggle in time and cheer up and liked to dance round the room in my arms.

But stop beating yourself up, no-one expects babies to be cheery all the time, the only ones that are are a bit odd TBH. We all have our off days and times and babies are just the same.

Bambinoloveseggbirds · 19/11/2009 09:29

My DS can be the grumpiest little boo. He's 10 months now and can be the biggest giggliest little flirt, but some days he just completely blanks people. If people come up to him in the street or in a cafe etc, he will literally look them up and down like to say "what the feck do you want". I have worn myself out thinking all the things you have; that I've not played enough with him, talked to him enough, stimulated him enough and I've even had my MiL and SiL (bitches of the highest order) accuse me of not interacting enough with DS because he, especially, isn't interested in them so I get it in the neck.

Re the fear of people, that could just be separation axiety which is natural. I don't think a more rigid routine would help, and you are being too hard on yourself as it is.

I second music too - DS loves to wiggle. My best advice is to go with the flow and try not to worry. I tell myself now that my DS is playful, but not all the time, and that he's a thinker and as such will probably be ultra intelligent .

angel1976 · 19/11/2009 10:24

EmmaLouise1982 - You probably don't want to hear this but some babies are just born grumps! My DS1 was one - he was born via ventouse (probably gave him a nasty headache) and screamed from day 1. I tried to BF exclusively for a while and had various problems and on hindsight, he was probably hungry a lot of those early months, which didn't help... And he barely smiled. It was so hard going with him in the early months, all my days passed in a haze with me not eating as he couldn't be put down etc etc... I used to be so fecking ENVIOUS of mothers I saw in toddlers group with smiley, easy-going babies!

DS1 is now 21 months old and is now the funniest, outgoing toddler you know! Don't get me wrong, he still has a 'grump' face when he is concentrating on something but he is very clever, speaks really well and very social. I think he just didn't like being a baby. BTW, he also never liked cuddles much, but at his age, it's a bonus as he always wants to sleep in his cot and never comes to our bed!

I now have DS2 and he is an 'easy' baby compared to DS1. I actually have time in the day to sleep, eat and do chores. DS2 isn't very smiley either and we are just resigned to the fact that we don't make smiley babies in this family! LOL. It will get better. For me, things didn't get a whole lot easier till DS1 approached his first birthday. We moved him into his own room then, and everything just fell into place and got better and better. Good luck! Not all babies are like the ones you see in the ads...

barneybear · 19/11/2009 16:53

my son was similar to how yours sounds - he was born via emergency section after a 46 hour labour which i'm sure contributed to his unhappy demeanour.

but very frustrating when all the other babies i saw seemed so content. whenever i took him out he cried A LOT particularly in pram/pushchair (he still won't sleep in them but is a brilliant sleeper in a cotbed). i'd had such a relaxed pregnancy and myself and husband are outgoing happy people so it was just SUCH a shock when my baby wasn't anything like what i thought i'd be.

i also disagree that whatever the temperament is of the baby necessarily dictates what they're going to be like as people; i think we as parents can do a lot to affect them/their outlook on things... (see below for how my son is now)

a couple of things i'd say - cranial osteopathy definitely helped (only had 2 sessions) but basically he was still whingey until he was about 1 when he started walking - this seemed to be a magical turning point.

he is now 2 and the happiest, most sociable boy and i look back and cant believe he was such an unhappy baby.

so while it may not seem like there is light of the tunnel, keep perserving, never let him see you frustrated/unhappy with him etc and hopefully he'll become a very happy toddler.

barneybear · 19/11/2009 16:55

ps i do have to smile at the excuses you make for him - i did the same - i always said "oh i think he's teething" when in fact he didn't get his first tooth til he was about 11 months!!

and everything you're doing - reading, social stuff etc - is in my opinion a great idea even if it seems he's more grumpy for it!

aligriff · 20/11/2009 10:58

It sounds like you are doing all the right things, I'd try not to worry. I'm certainly reassured by this thread. Sounds the same as my DS. I'm one of seven siblings and the last to have children and my mum says she has never come across a baby like mine! The midwife said she had never heard a baby cry so loud and I've had another mum comment rather nastily that she would 'never let her baby cry like that'! I was always irritated by HV comments that 'babies cry for a reason' this is no comfort when you have tried absolutely everything. Another said that some boys arn't happy until they are running around which seems to correspond with what others (above) have said, I found this more reasuring. We too tried cranial osteopathy but I'm not sure whether it made any difference, nor did any of the other suggestions seem to pan out - he's hungry, he's got tummy ache. I think he was just unsettled, everything is new, and now he is frustrated. He is now 6 months and is getting better day by day, but he still goes 'wild' on a daily basis. We have started using the baby walker and he loves it, he has a broad grin on his face - I'm sure he thinks he is walking! As with everything else though it only lasts 10 minutes until the screaming starts, he also screams when I'm getting him changed after swimming, in the car seat, in the supermarket etc. I did read somewhere that babies like this often turn out to be bright children! [Although not sure this is based on science it's something to cling on to!]

aligriff · 20/11/2009 11:15

PS, we have started trying to keep him up for longer periods in the day to encourage him to have longer daytime naps, it seems to be working and he is happier for longer.

PPS, my DS also blanks people, it might be to do with the fact that most babies are long sighted so its a bit irritating if people get in their faces - try asking them to back up a bit!!

CaptainNancy · 20/11/2009 11:20

My dd was like this (with colic, reflux, torticollis too) and a majorly grumpy baby. She didn't laugh until she was 14mo She is completely different now though- was a very happy toddler, and is now a happy pre-schooler... some babies just don't enjoy being babies I think.

Dorchies · 20/11/2009 20:54

Hi EmmaLouise, my son is the same age as yours and sounds quite similar. He had silent refluc, which we've just stopped the medication for. He is sooooooo grumpy it's unbelievable. My daughter was so happy so it's a bit of a shock to the system. He just winges all the time at home, wont go to sleep in his cot in the day but is happy as anything if we're out and about. I keep excusing him, but likewise - no teeth have appeared yet!

I'm sure that it's something yours will grow out of - but I completely understand you getting down about it. If i hadn't already got a child I would've been worrying that I was doing something wrong.

My advice would be to continue going out and about as much as possible to maintain your own sanity and i'm sure he will grow out of it as all the other posts have said have happened in their experience. I think I might try the music with my little one.

Keep your chin up

EmmaLouise1982 · 21/11/2009 23:53

Thanks all! Another bad day today but I remain hopeful! x

OP posts:
lindsaygii · 22/11/2009 21:16

Mine's the same age and is also being much more grizzly than usual. Which is a shame, because he was always a very happy little baby.

Description of his behaviour matches yours pretty identically now, though.

I would say two things - 1. I think you are putting yours to bed quite late. Maybe he needs more sleep? Also, the longer he is in bed, the less time you are listening to him moan!

  1. I'm putting mine down largely to the fact that he's going through lots of physical changes just now, and is also suddenly much more able to interact with the world. So he's vocalising more, and has realised he can affect my behaviour and actions. So he's moaning to get things done. In other words - a phase.

Bloody irritating phase, but I'm sure that's all it is. Damn babies.... grrrr

LUCIA22 · 23/11/2009 09:54

Hi Emmalouise, I agree with lindsaygii, 8pm sees rather late and the fact that he is crying from 6pm might be because he is tired. I find this with my DS who is 8m. If I dont get him in bed when he is sleepy and miss the window then he cries and cries and its v hard to get him to settle. Bedtime is 7pm but i get him ready much earlier and if he looks tired then I put him down staight away. He is a grumpy baby too alot of the time. Its interesting what was said about them not being happy until they are running around as he has got a little better since he can crawl and looks desperate to get up and walk!!

Bambinoloveseggbirds · 23/11/2009 13:13

LUCIA22, same here with my DS. Much happier now he can crawl.

shehnaz · 23/11/2009 20:42

I have a really grumpy baby too who is now fourteen weeks old. We have been told he could have colic or reflux and he will grow out of it. I have never been through such a terrible experience in my life. He still screams most of the day and night. I have no mum so my partner has had to be signed off work as I broke down and could not cope any longer. I am worried as if I cant cope we could lose everything, his job and then the house. Just feel like someone has taken my dream of a wonderful family away from me and I feel so upset, tired and angry. Most of all angry I think. I have been blamed for baby's behaviour, such as because I am anxious the baby is anxious. Other friends look on me as being weak because I cant cope. I cant stand the idea of going to mums groups as I am scared that all the other babies will be perfect. I just feel at a real dead end and truly dontknow howI am going to carry on as my partner cant stay at home with me forever, I am a capable person -I used to teach infant children for goodness sake but cant even look after my own baby!!

Just looking for some advice really as I feel pretty alone and only those who have been through the same thing can possibly understand how I feel.

Shenaz

Babyisaac · 23/11/2009 22:07

Hi all
I can certainly give you light at the end of the tunnel and really really relied on MNers to give me hope.

My DS (now 22 months) was a horrendously miserable baby. He was quiet for the first 3 days and then the crying started and didn't really stop until his 1st birthday. We tried EVERYTHING. He baffled all the HVs and family members who said they'd never come across a baby like him before. People who didn't really know what we were going through just kept repeating that he was hungry - erm, yes we were starving him! Doh!! We took him to the doctors and the paediatrician but they had no answers. I tried baby massage but he screamed all the way through. I tried various classes such as Rhythm Time and swimming but he screamed all the way through those as well. It made things very very difficult for me as I couldn't really do the things the others mums were doing (such as sitting in cafes cooing over their sleeping babies!). I was the one walking for miles in the wind and rain at times just to get him to sleep, only for him to wake up and start the whole cycle again if I dared to stop the pram. He was over-tired and miserable. I could never put him down and pretty much carried him everywhere for about 10 months.

The whole year put an incredible strain on my marriage and we have had to work hard to get things back to the way they used to be. We were both completely stressed out and very lonely since no-one understood what was going on. My Mum was amazing, as she spent a lot of time with me and DS and knew what was really going on. All she could really offer me was time out and reassurance that it wouldn't last forever. My DH was also brilliant at ensuring I had time out when possible but he was desperately lonely as his family lives 100 miles away and they didn't really understand the true extent of what we were going through and probably never really will.

For a long time we thought we were doing everything so very wrong. I thought I was a hopeless mother, despite devoting all of my time to a crying baby who couldn't be consoled. We felt we were being judged on a daily basis and felt desperate.

But...............I'm here to give you a massive amount of hope. DS turned 1 and it was like someone pressed a button inside him. He changed quite dramatically once he started walking (at 11 months) and talking (at around a similar time). It gradually started to make sense. He didn't want to sit on the floor by himself - he wanted to be carried around and be a part of things. He didn't understand why he couldn't do things and was terribly frustrated. The more he developed and changed, the better he became. He even started sleeping better, would sit in a pushchair, became fine sitting in the car seat and started to spend more and more time by himself in the house without screaming that we'd dare put him down. He will be 2 in January and couldn't be a more delightful little toddler. His speech is amazing - he can speak in 5 word sentences about all manner of things and his memory is incredible - he can recount events that happened months ago and remember them with such clarity. I'm obviously biased and I know I shouldn't compare, but it is clear he is streets ahead of his peers and people are amazed of his capabilities at such a young age. He is very very happy, laughs a lot, smiles all the time and is just very endearing. He has got a very strong personality and I think this has been part of the problem. Don't get me wrong, he still has his moments and is very very strong-willed but you have to take the rough with the smooth since the positive sides of him are brilliant.

My DH has read this and says I'm boasting but to be honest, I think we are in a position to boast after what we've been through. You will get there. It will be a rough ride and you will need the support of everyone who even tries to understand. Have a look at information on High Needs Babies - it will start to make sense. It was a truly horrendous time and we shudder when we look back on it but are amazed how things have turned around and how comparatively easy our lives are now.

Hang on in there. I really feel for you all and felt compelled to write this post. There were a couple of other MNers who were going through the same thing at the same time as me and we really supported each other so please try to do the same with each other. It will end and you will have lovely, happy toddlers and will eventually forget how bad the first year was. Good luck

mumtoem · 24/11/2009 15:55

Shenaz, if your baby has reflux you do not just have to wait until he grows out of it. There is treatment available.

I also had a grumpy baby - cried all the time, hated loud noises etc. She had reflux. Starting her on ranitidine made a huge difference. She is now a (mostly) happy toddler. She is very active and I think part of her grumpiness was frustration at not being able to do things. She does have some really spectacular tantrums, but the rest of the time is very happy.

So if you suspect reflux, please insist that your GP treats it. I really annoys me when GPs say "oh they will grow out of it". No GP would say to an adult with heartburn, so why is it acceptable to say it to a baby?

Babyisaac · 24/11/2009 20:20

Good point Mumtoem, but if reflux is suspected (in that the baby cries all the time and it is a possible answer) and then found not to be the case, it is really just a behavioural issue. I have heard plenty of cases of reflux and also plenty of cases where reflux has been ruled out and the baby will grow out of the behaviour.

Sorry if this sounds blunt, it doesn't mean to be, it's just that DS was checked 3 times for reflux because we were desperate for some sort of diagnosis and it never was the case.

lindsaygii · 25/11/2009 19:43

Shenaz GO TO A MUMS' GROUP!!

For a start, they won't all be perfect babies, and for a second, you will get support and sympathy there.

It will make a lot of difference to you.

Please, do try it. I go to lots of groups run by the local Children's Centres and they are really good. Most of them do drop-ins, baby massage etc, all free.

jadey24 · 26/11/2009 23:20

OMG he sounds like what my dd was like. My dd was a misery child too. Drive me to despair as she was so grumpy and moody it was like having a teenage already lol. Just would scream, cry and whinge from the moment she woke up to bed for days on end. She would cry if someone looked at her, smiled at her good forbid laughed at her or even yawned infront of her would freak her out into hysterics of tears It was worst when i noticed others kids same age wasnt like that and i would start to envy them for having easy babies. She was funny with everyone but me and her dad. Even family that saw her often every week. My dad comes round twice a week yet she has only just excepted him in past 2-3 months & before that would be terrified he couldnt even look at her. We would get the odd good day lol. This started from around 3 months. Was a pain and started to put me off going out socialsing well she was with me as up town she would scream and scream enought to always attract attention. I didnt know what was wrong with her as she was developing fine and id give her calpol incase it was her teeth and other teething remedies but nothing worked with her then at 6 mos the tempers started. Was cute at first but wasnt after a week of it lol. I felt like i was walking around on eggs shells around my own child like she was a ticking time bomb doing everything i can to just try and make her happy for just 5 mins but she was difficult to even get a smile out off. I knew there wasnt anything wrong with her mentally etc and everyone said its her teeth and she may be frustrated. I believe they may be right now coz soon as she could communicate properly and walk and be able to do things more for herself she started became a happy toddler who hardly moans at all nw & is just a complete joy to be around and im still gettin use to it after months and months living with a monster lol infact i posted a thread about her just a few months ago in complete despair with her as it was making me very unhappy and i started to think it was my fault and that i was doing something wrong.
She really is a totally different child its like i had to get to know her all over again if that makes sence.
Chances are its a phase. Babies/toddlers/kids go thorugh them a lot just to make parents lifes difficult lol. Dont worry he will more then likely grow out of it but i know in mean time how hard it is. Its just summit u will need to ride out. Just take each day as it comes and & tell urself that he wont be like this forever. Dont blame urself or anything like i started to do as i now know it was nothing about me it was just simply they way she was.

meandjoe · 27/11/2009 21:14

Shehnaz and Emmalouise, I am just going to tell you my story (many on here have read it and a lot of them went through it with me as I desperately posted on here looking for answers and support!).

Me and dh we delighted when we had our son. He was beautiful and healthy and everything should have been perfect.

It didn't take long before everything began to unravel. We brought him home and he was just so grumpy and cried all the time unless I paced around with him on my shoulder and I couldn't even stand still long enough to make a cup of tea. He would scream constantly unless in motion. People said it could be reflux or milk intolerance, had everything checked out at the doctors and even tried reflux medication to see if it changed anything but it didn't. Took him for Cranial Osteopathy after being recommended it on mumsnet but again nothing changed.

It felt like we were constantly on edge waiting for his meltdowns which obviously didn't help him.

We were miserable. Even when he around 7 months old he was terrible. Whilst he was being held and walked around with you could never really cuddle him or enjoy him because he was so miserable and just glared and frowned at everyone. Although he could smile from 6 weeks, he rarely did. He was over sensitive to everything, noise, new people, bright lights, anyone else but me or dh holding him and he'd scream, someone only had to talk to him and he'd cry. I was convinced he had some sort of personality disorder at one point.

He had to be fed to sleep cos he would never relax enough to drift off for a nap. He would cry constantly in the car seat, cry in the pushchair, just constantly crying and we couldn't go anywhere. We even had to take it in turns to eat while one of us paced up and down the room jiggling ds about just to stop the crying. I wrote many frenzied and desperate messages on here over the first 9 months of my son's life! I always dreamed of how motherhood would be and whilst I realise it would be hard work, nothing prepared me for how it really was and it broke my heart.

Anyway, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Some babies are just like this. No real explanation for it or any reason. I tend to think that babies who are like this are either in pain (which should be ruled out by a Dr if you are concerned) or just like my ds through personality and frustration.

My ds is now 2 and is fabulous! Now I know him and he can talk and tell me what he wants or doesn't want I can totally tell why he was like this as a baby. He is feircely independant (all I hear is 'no I'll do it all by myself... don't hold my hand... I can do it etc'). He still very sensitive (in a good way). Basically all the issues he had as a baby were because his personality just did not match well the bordom and dependancy of being a young baby. He wanted to do things and explore, go where he wanted, move around, touch everything, communicate. Basically he was born with a toddler's personality in a newborn baby's body which must have driven him completely mad.

He is still constantly on the go and active but he's a very thoughtful, focused little boy. He knows what he wants and isn't afraid to tell you when you do something he doesn't like! BUT.... he is gentle, very loving and very talkative (never ever shuts up!). His sensitivity is now a wonderful thing because he is so gentle with other children and has such empathy for people because he feels so much. He is probably NO more demanding than any other 2 year old but is soooo rewarding because of his uniqueness. Because he is so sensitive it means that he genuinely wants to make us happy because he picks up on people's emotions so much.

Anyway, I am waffling on (I like to talk too so I can see why my ds is the same!)

Just to let you know that it won't last forever. My ds got so much better once he could walk and a hundred times better when he could talk which probably seems like a million miles away but believe me it will pass and you will survive, somehow! Sorry for rambling on a bit!

lindsaygii · 27/11/2009 22:41

meandjoe

Wow. Good post. I don't know how you got through in one piece, but what a bonus at the end of it!

I'm going to have so say it again. Great post.

shehnaz · 30/11/2009 14:00

Dear All

Thanks so much for your stories and words of comfort, it helps to know I am not the only one. Went to a mums group today but it made me feel a little down as all the other tots were so well behaved. Ah well, I think I just have to get my head around the fact that one day my little boy will be wonderful - I am sure that once he can do things on his own he will change, let's hope so anyway!! Still going back to see a Pedeatrician on Friday, might insist he gets checked properly for reflux too, just in case.
Has anyone started there baby on some solids before six months? Just wondering if I should give it a try perhaps. Thoughts welcome.

Shenaz

jadey24 · 01/12/2009 12:24

shenaz Things will get better you just have to ride this difficult time out. He wont be like it forever. Best thing you can do is keep taking him to docs and maybe speak to ur hv for advice. There is treatment.
I would hold of on the solids though untill he is more 5-6 months old.

I know how hard it is i really do but things really do get better.
If your finding this stage difficult maybe a trip to the docs for yourself could help hunni. It dont mean you cant cope its just sometimes us mothers need a little helping hand. I went to the docs myself and im glad i did. I went on anti ds as im just a naturally anxious person anyway and it just made me feel so much calmer to be able to deal with dd as i was starting to feel very angry towards her and resentful and i really did not want to feel like that about my own child but now i never feel angry at her even when she plays up. Im not saying go on anti ds but its an option. There is therapy too so you can just talk to an outsider about your feelings and they can help you deal with your negative feelings in a positive way.
You just have to keep telling yourself things will get better. Keep going to baby group tho dont be put of at all. It will still be good for you. As he gets older and can get about and do more he will start to enjoy going to baby group more.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page