6yo DS (dyspraxic) being almost unmanageable

[sowhatis]

Hi,

Would love some help please.

My eldest DS is nrly 6 (next week) and was diagnosed with dyspraxia over a year ago. he had some OT and done another course run by them. We have balance boards and do the exercises (sporadically) they suggest. We tried to encourage him into some sports to help build his confidence. He tried rugby, didnt like it, football, same as, and wants to try karate/similar. But I am reluctant as he does have 'anger' issues???

He has been in school for over a year, doing ok at first, now in next class and teacher says he is doing well. Above avg for reading and maths, which is pleasing for him and us. It shows he can concentrate and discipline himself.

Past few days he has been told off at school for punching/hitting etc. Same at home for a few weeks. We time him out, but i dont smack, my DH will occassionally smack his bum. I dont hit/punch anything - but he is clearly seeing this as his only way to 'communicate' his anger.

He knows to tell a teacher etc, but it is normally in 'play' that this happens and not as a 'vendictive' assault IYSWIM.

He 'strops' on the floor, shouts, screams (I am guilty of him learning the shouting from me, but i am doing my best not to) if he doesnt get his own way.

Everything is a battle with him, he will seem to go out of his way to defy simple rules/tasks - when he knows he will get told off for them??

I feel like im on a tread mill the whole time with him - one fight after another. i have (gently) asked him if he is unhappy/happy or sad etc or if something is happening but he says he is happy etc.

Please tell me what I am doing wrong.........I am a lone parent mon-fri and i know he doesnt see my DH/his DAD enough, but we cant change this and its always been like this.

help xxx

My ds1 (7) is dyspraxic, and seems to go through cycles of being very hard to handle too.

When he 'strops' on the floor, or hits/pushes/kicks me or his siblings i remove him to his bedroom, where he can't hurt himself or others. He stays in there until he is reasonable again.

We too encourage sports as it raises self esteem and encourages his senses to work together; we tried with thai boxing and he just used it on his siblings nastily.

Other adults who don't live with it day to day find it hard to understand; i know for a fact my ds1 father doesn't 'get it' at all.

so please dit isnt just me (but sorry you are in the same boat IYSWIM)

does it just make you want to cry at times?

Yes, it does. It can be very hard. I have to try very hard not to get cross at times, as its not his fault iyswim.

Do you get any outside support, SENCo?

no, no outside support. not sure what there is???

Ds attends Taekwondo classes. The instructor runs lots of classes in special schools and I overheard him telling a parent that martial arts are particularly good for children with dyspraxia and anger issues. Its worth giving it a go.

am going to find a class now. thank you. x

just found a local-ish class and have emailed them. thank you xx

DH was talking to a Ju Jitsu instructor the other day who was extoling the virtues of Ju Jitsu for dyspraxic kids - seemed really clued up ( though had no idea that DH as a dyspraxic DD at the time! )
After what her said I am definately going to try it for DD next year. Quite interestingly he said a lot of kids in his classes are obviously dyspraxic but noone has noticed

my Ds is going to have a trial next week! i hope he likes it. Instructor seemed very positive.

i have been alot more positive today, which is good for everyone!!!

xx

My DS(7) is dyspraxic he tried karate last year and just couldn't get away with it and to be honest it made his self esteem lower every time he got knocked on the floor by both the boys and girls in his class. To be honest he struggled with doing forward rolls and the most telling time was when they had a bit of fun and children had to run and jump over a low bar (bit like show jumping) DS just couldn't do it, every one was laughing at him and he just tried and tried. It still brings tears to my eyes thinking about it now.

However we've found a swimming class for him to do and although struggling he's getting there and he's having piano lessons which are very good for his concentration.

He very rarely has anger issues, but does get very upset on occasions and then I firstly have to ignore him and then speak to him calmly while he winds himself down.

Unfortunately he's struggling at school as has concentration issues.

I agree with someone further up the thread, it's very difficult for people who haven't experienced this to understand.

bubble2bubble, can you tell me more about signs and symptoms of dyspraxia? it is not something i am very familiar with (apologies to OP for minor thread hijack....)

sorry - very quickly as I am supposed to working...
The best list of symptoms I have seen is this one: www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/services/gu_symptoms.php

thanks

walkthedinosaur, so sorry your DS wasnt helped at Karate - that is such a shame and awful that the other kids laughed.

We have done swimming with alfie, he can now swim, but shows no interest in doing it anymore and im fed up of pushing him and 'cajooling' him into trying new things. If he shows n interest, i let it grow then try to get him to go and do it.

it is v v hard. sometimes you jsut dont understand exactly what is going on with them. all we can do is our best.

xx

Well, drop the swimming! If he falls in he can get to the side, that's good enough. My dyspraxic son would explode I think after a day at school to then have to go and do something else he finds hard - especially in a noisy place, and especially if the activity included having to get chuffing dressed and undressed! Aaaagh!

Really good idea re the martial arts.

I think you need to work out why he gets angry - when he's calm - and talk about what he thinks triggers it off. He won't know - he's 6. But he needs to be a part of that conversation. You need to tell him everyone gets angry, it's fine, but the two of you could think of something better for him to do when he starts boiling inside. Like punch a pillow, or go upstairs, or breathe in and out, or go outside and kick a tree. Make it acceptable - not separate - it's easier then for him to understand it too.

Music is good for re-ordering their brains after a long day. Lots of talking - LOTS of pre-planning, written lists etc so they don't get overwhelmed and so then angry. A quiet space at home.

We did dorp it a while ago. i tried for the first few weeks he didnt seem keen, but wont force him.

we have done the breathing in and out - but recently have forgotten that - so will talk about it with him again. will def include him in te conversation and try again.

walkthedinosaur your son's experience at karate sounds awful. Ds attends Taekwondo which is non contact for the first few years which makes it easier I think. I would have to say that it doesn't sound as if the Karate instructor is very good. Ds's Taekwondo instructor would come down on the children like a ton of bricks if they behaved that way towards anyone. They have zero tolerance towards bullying in any form.