DH travelling for work... 3.5 yr old DS having a meltdown

[dylansmumplusone]

My husband has started travelling for work. He's always been away the odd night here and there which DS was fine with. A few weeks ago he was away the entire week, only home for one day on the weekend (and we had company - booked ages ago so we couldn't change it), then another whole week away.

The whole time DS slept badly, was having bad dreams I think. By the middle of the second week he was acting out in nursery, and by the end of the week he was just a nightmare, misbehaving constantly, just not himself. DS doesn't want to be left at nursery and he LOVES nursery. He keeps asking me to stay with him all day.

Now Daddy's been home since Friday and is going away again tomorrow morning. We decided to tell DS today so it's not such a shock. He freaked, started crying, refused to sit in his car seat so we could leave (we'd gone to meet Daddy for lunch).

He is a total Daddy's boy and I knew this would be hard on him but I didn't realise just how hard. He will be away 2-3 nights a week now until next March. Any advice on how I can make this transition easier on him?

This brings back memories! We were living in Canada with DH working long hours and DS (a daddys boy). He would play up and perform for me and be an angel for DH. This always coincided with him being away or working extremely long hours.

That was 12 years ago and now I have 3 DC. The 2 DS both tend to cause more aggro when DH isnt here even though I think that I am quite strict with them.

Its part and parcel of life. They dont throw screaming tantrums just are more argumentative etc. I really think boys need a father figure around. Not sure theres anything you can do other than show consistency with your actions and give lots of hugs

Thanks I think you're absolutely right, and I think it's nothing I didn't know, but it's really nice to hear someone else say it!

Very good advice. Don't think Skype will be possible but the calendar and notes are very good idea. Think I'm also going to print a photo of them together for him to sleep with. He does crawl in with me sometimes but he likes his own bed too. Thanks for this, I think the calendar especially will help. xx

I have a 3.5 year old too, and what mostly prevents the meltdowns and tantrums is PREPPINg. So agree the calendar is a good one, letting him know what's going on. Did you tell him the first time that Daddy was going away for a bit? He maybe is scared that he doesn't know quite what's going on, if it's a new thing. Dd is a bit funny if Daddy leaves in morning without saying Goodbye (if she is asleep eg). But I get around it by saying that he said goodbye but she was asleep - and getting her to wave goodbye anyway (even though he isn't there iykwim).

We have long had this as part of our lives too, DH is often away, and our children have grown used to it, even though they really don't like it at all. DD always worries about him flying , finding it difficult to sleep when she knows he is on a plane etc.

Sadly if it becomes commonplace he will get used to it, mine have grown quite hard sometimes i think.

We never dwell on goodbyes but enjoy hellos if you know what I mean. We would never for example take him to the airport and wave him off, it would be too dreadful for words.

My two also have never ever liked video conferencing which DH sadly loves. They find it really upsetting to see him when he is so far away, it makes them feel so sad. He of course loves seeing them.

When he's gone he's gone until he comes back. That is how they seem happiest to deal with it. He also used to bring them home a present from a trip, but we had to stop that because it got mad! He now does something v small if it's 5 sleeps or more.

But, on the upside, we use his air miles and travel with him when funds and school holidays allow. The children have had some great times when we go and stay with him in his hotel, have breakfast and take him to work ( did this in Dubai recently ) and then meet him later.

Am feeling for you Dylan xx