How do you discipline your 2 year old? Suggestions please?

[mummytowillow]

My 2 year old daughter is going through the terrible two's, she is so defiant and cries at the drop of a hat if she doesn't get her own way?

She has done this in front of my best friend and I didn't know what to do really, my friend said she would smack her hand or threaten to smack her hand, but I'm totally against this. I don't believe in smacking children as this is violence, I was smacked as a child and can vividly remember the humiliation I felt one day in Woolies when my mum smacked me

So has anyone got any suggestions that work for my most of the time sweet little girl, who can be a horror! Her talking is excellent and she understands really well, but I'm clueless on the best way to deal with her!

Dd2 is 2.5 the naughty step/chair works brilliantly. She hates it and even just thrb threat of it is often enough.

With dd1, you had to talk to her and explain clearly what was expected of her and why. Punishments did nothing. They still don't now she is 6. The best way to deal with her has always been to rationalise with her.

It's different for different children. What is effective with one might not be for another.

I don't do smacking of threatening to smack. Can't see how it helps other than to frighten and I prefer to reason with dcs if at all possible and if they persist in some bad behaviour then they don't get allowed to do or play with something that they want to. My smallest ds is 2 and very defiant at times.
If he cries just out of annoyance at not getting his own way, I kneel down to his level and ask him not to be so silly, if he really is getting in a state, I don't give him any futher attention for it but try and distract him from what he feels he is being hard done by and usually it works as the angry tears are as easily turned off as they are on!
However, if he is out of line - hitting his brothers, being destructive, throwing things etc then I am very clear and firm about what is and isn't acceptable. Like your dd, ds is very articulate and understands an awful lot and if mummy is firm and stands her ground, then a 2yr old will learn what is ok and what is not. If you threaten to take a toy away or that if they continue to do x or y then they can't do z etc., then it's important to follow through, so think carefully before you utter those words "If you keep doing that, you won't get to go to the park" etc because once you go ahead and do something anyway, you're screwed (even if actually YOU wanted to go to the park!)and your dc will know that they're empty threats!
You'll feel like you're bashing a brick wall at times and constantly saying the same things as you said the last time it happened but I firmly believe that if you're consistent, the penny will drop and once dc is over the terrible 2s and 3s, you will have a child with half an idea what's right and wrong behaviour-wise.
I know this sounds incredibly pious and I'm no perfect mummy BUT I have got 3 boys who, on the whole, are pretty decent and in the main, we have a very harmonious life!

I agree with ShinyandNew about naughty chairs/steps.
We have a naughty corner but it's only ds3 who's ever had to be put there!

If he's just tantrumming for not getting his own way, I get down to his level and explain why he's not getting what he wants, then I ignore. Once he calms down he gets lots of attention and praise.

If he's doing something destructive or is hurting me, then I do use the naughty step, but I think I've only had to use it twice in about 6 months. Just the threat of being made to sit on his own is usually enough.

I have a very determined & stubborn (though of course gorgeous!) 2yr old DS2. I find with him I can't ever give into him as just makes it harder for me in the long run. Personally have found most effective method of discipline is 'time out' & I have to stay with him to ensure he doesn't run off & play. Or if he's throwing things/food around I don't let him do anything until he's picked the items up. This can take ages & often results in DS1 begging DS2 to do what is being asked as he can't stand the battles! My sons are very different so have found different approaches work better with the individual child.

i agree with the time outs, i have a very talkitive dd who also understands pretty much everything, so the time outs work or asking if she would like to be alone to think about what she is doing and just removing her from the situation. i dont leave her there long, pretty much as long as she choses to sit (after all she is only 2) but i have had lots of luck with this method as well. i notice if i getloud she thinks it is funny or if i say "NO" she also thinks funny, but if i just calmly say it she totally seems to get it! who knows!! different for ever kiddo!!

Naughty step (only for a few seconds at first) has worked fab with all our 3 (though less so the middly!) from about 18 months.