dd in Reception is retreating into 'invisible friends world'. Should I be worried?

[Aranea]

Dd1 is in Reception. She has always had a large and vivid cast of invisible friends, but when she first started school they didn't come with her.

But a couple of weeks before half term, her favourite friend dropped her and began to exclude her and be unpleasant, and dd1 was very upset. Since the break, dd1 has avoided the other girl and other children have been friendly and said they wanted to be her 'best friend'. So I thought everything was OK.

But dd1 has been talking more and more about her invisible friends, to the point where she now rather confusingly recounts her day in the plural (as in 'we were at lunch when..'). Her teacher says she has withdrawn and is less sociable.

I am concerned for her in other respects as she is physically poorly co-ordinated and I wonder whether she be dyspraxic.

How normal is it to retreat from real friends into a world of invisible friends? Is it a problem? I am anxious and don't know whether she needs help to make friends.

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Ds1 used to do this in Reception and Year 1 - except they were his 'Disney friends'. I was worried, as you are, especially as he absolutely insisted they were real. I spoke to someone who works extensively with children, who said that he felt that imaginary friends are often invented as a coping strategy and as such should be seen as a positive thing, enabling the child to survive tricky social situations. Certainly I remember DS1 being quite cheerful about it, saying that no-one wanted to play with him, but it was Ok because he played with his Disney friends. It was me that was upset!

I just made sure that we invited children home regularly. When he was older we encouraged him to join a couple of clubs outside school, where he made different friends. And we also encouraged interests that we knew he would have in common with other children: Star Wars, Pokemon etc - not things I would have necessarily chosen myself, but important in helping him to form bonds with other children. Now, at 8, he's still not one of the 'Alpha males' in the class but he's much more comfortable socially. The Disney friends haven't made an appearance for years.

Incidentally he is dyspraxic (diagnosed a few weeks ago). I do think it has an impact on playground relationships if you can't run as fast or pick up games as quickly as other kids.

Thanks sphil, that's really interesting. I will try to see it as a positive thing. Though I can't help feeling sad if it's a result of her being dyspraxic and finding it too hard to cope and make friends.

It's very encouraging to hear that your ds has now made friends and is doing well socially.

It's very hard NOT to feel sad if our children are finding friendships difficult. I was a mess at the time - I'm only calm and positive with the benefit of hindsight!

I remember doing a bit of role play with DS1 (still do from time to time) - if he told me about a friendship problem, we'd take it in turns to play him and the friend and I'd try to show him assertive things he could say/do. I have found that he needs 'teaching' about social stuff more than other children - he didn't just 'get it' instinctively, though he is much better at reading situations nowadays.

Hm, I wonder if the role play thing would help dd1. I don't know what (if anything) she is doing 'wrong' socially though, so it might be tricky.