Argh! Please help I'm desperate and soooo tired!

[latestincarnation]

Hi everyone - I've read a couple threads that sound scarily similar to my problem, but they are all in older children, so was wondering if anyone can help.

My ds is 12mths and exhausting me. He has gone from a reasonable sleeper (6.30-6) but the last week he has been waking ALOT at night. Last night he was awake from 10-1.30, uncontrollable crying, couldn't settle him on me, ibuprofen and then paracetamol had no effect, fed him, gave him milk, nothing. Its like seperation anxiety with anxiety (read all out sobbing) even if you are in the room.

He had norovirus 2 weeks ago, and although he was settled whilst ill, once he started eating properly again 7d ago, his sleeping is all over the place. He is sobbing for naps, sobbing whe I walk into to the cot etc etc. Last night I ended up co-sleeping, as I could at least rest whilst he sobbed.

Its heart breaking to hear him, but I'm getting frustrated as I am mcing at the moment and totally run down.

Do I do controlled crying when he can cry for 2hrs with me in the room?

So sorry this is long - I am dreading this evening already.

Oh poor you. Sleep deprivation is totally the worst thing ever. You have my sympathy.

I have 2.5 yo twins. I always find when they have been ill, or had a change (gone away for weekend, holiday, etc) the sleep can get disrupted for my DS (not DD much though). He went through a phase of being an awful sleeper from 12-18 mths. In the end what 'worked' was:

• I co slept with him, put up a spare bed in his room and got in next to him to help him sleep. Then left about 8pm once asleep, had my evening, got into my own bed and if he cried in the night got back in. It wasn't much fun, BUT was better than no-one sleeping (he came into our bed before, but disturbed me and my DH). Also meant he was in his room still, albeit with mummy. At weekends my DH slept in with him so I got a break in my own bed.
• we discovered very late he was scared of the dark!!! A friend suggested it was a bit had not thought myself! We leave a nightlight on, but now also have the landing light on and the door ajar. So if he wakes in the night is the same brightness as when he went to sleep.
• If you can, please try not to feed him. Other mum friends have done this, and it seems to have been a terrible habit to break, and caused all sorts of not eating in the day problems. Maybe water if thirsty? Mine sometimes sleep with their tommee tippee cups of water when they've been ill.
• does he have a comfort blanket/dummy/ anything? Is he getting too hot/cold do you think?
• I find a poor daytime sleep often leads to night trouble, as if they are too tired to sleep properly IYSWIM. Around 12 mths mine went to 2 hrs at lunch (which they still do), in the cot in the dark. Maybe try and focus on getting good day sleeps, even if you have to cuddle him (while watching TV works a treat!!) or something?

Not sure if any of this helps, sorry is so long! Just trying to think of anything I could.

Bless him
I do believe in controlled crying, but I don't think it would work right now. You sound far too stressed and upset. It actually sounds like something else is upsetting him. Maybe earache or like penona suggests, scared of the dark.
Maybe just comfort him and co-sleep for now.
Which is probably not much good advice, sorry
If it really is unlike him to cry this much I would get him checked out at the docs.
maybe it will just take him a bit longer to get over the novovirus.
Did you mean you are miscarrying? I'm so sorry, you must be exhausted. Do you have anyone around to give you support?

penona and skinsl thanks so much for getting back to me. I've been at work and rather posted and ran as it was on my mind. skinsl yes I'm miscarrying - my dh is away for a couple of days, and couldn't stay home.

He is really happy when he isn't asleep/staying up all night!

I am beginning to think it may be scared of the dark, separation anxiety and upset from being ill last night.

I know that I need to not feed him - it was the only thing that stopped him crying at the time and I was close to breaking.

The cosleeping really doesn't work - he is a nightmare (but very cute) poking my nose going "mama"!!

Could he want to drop a daytime nap? he is on 2x 1-1.5hr naps at the moment. He seems wide awake and wants to play when I do get the crying to stop.

Poor you with the mc, I am so sorry to hear that. That and having DH away must be hideous for you, do you think he is picking up on that at all and it is making him a little insecure? I know you can't help how you feel, but I have noticed as mine got over 12 mths old they really picked up on and reflected my moods. It sort of makes it worse, I am sad and they get sad too, which causes a viscious circle, but it does end.

I do think you might need to change the nap times. About 12 mths mine moved from 2 short sleeps to one longer one, after lunch. It took a little while to adjust, but was much better. Maybe you should give it a go? It is a bit of a pain in the middle of the day, but they sleep for at least 2 hours so is lovely for me to have a break!

I agree with not doing cc for now, sound like you both need some TLC so not a great time to do it.

Good luck tonight. Let us know how you get on.

how are you, is his sleeping any better?
Feeding during the night can start bad habits, but i must admit I still do it sometimes when he is ill, e.g.
Do you think it could be his teeth? Mind you, then calpol would have an effect.

I really can't remember what age my DS went from 2 naps to one, but it was probably somewhere about that age.
hope you are ok.
I have had 2 miscarriages this year, strangely enough, my husband was away for both! on business once and then once i was on hols with my family. hope you are coping ok. x x

skinsl it has developed into full on teething now!! temp all yesterday, then crying ALL last night - calpol and ibruprofen alternating. There was drool like I've never seen before! Sticking his whole fist in. we have 8 teeth and none have been like this.

He seems more settled today so hopefully tonight will be better! Took him to the walk in centre yesterday but didn't get far - they sent me to a+e as I have double vision - couldn't find anything wrong with me, so put it down to exhaustion and told me to rest no one explained it to ds!

So sorry to hear you have mc this year too - its really shit, and really not talked about. I hope you have success soon - its a rollercoaster emotions xxx

well at least you have an answer now. bless him. hope it eases off and you get some rest soon. When is your husband back?
Mc are shit, no rule book, no-one to tell you how you will feel physically or mentally.
If you think you need to talk about it then make sure you do. I didn't tell anyone really after the first one, and then circumstances meant that I had to talk about the 2nd one. I find no-one really knows what to say, and it just makes things awkward.

you should make sure you get some vitamins.
Vitamin C and one of those tonics, so you don't get too run down. Or some rescue remedy, some people swear by that.x
x

does wine help?

yeah, I find a cold beer helps!!

Am posting and running and haven't read the whole thread, sorry!

Lack of sleep really does suck so I hope you get it sorted, so sorry to hear of your MC also you certainly need your rest.

I would get a nightlight and check your DS out for threadworms as they can effect sleep. I do advocate controlled crying in some instances, but it sounds like this would make your DS worse TBH.

I'm not a parent but a nanny so this may effect my advice but persoanlly a night feed isn't the end of the world so long as it doesn't become a bad habit. Most 12 month olds still need 2 naps IMO maybe try a 30 min morning nap and a 2 hour afternoon nap.

Hope this helps & you both feel better soon.

the temp and drooling may indicate that he has some underlying bug - not just teething. I'd keep an eye out for hand, foot and mouth. A sore throat is also a possibility. If this is the case, he will probably go back to his old self in a couple of days. If not, you may want to consider taking him to the GP for a checkup.

Sorry about the miscarriage by the way. You must be having an incredibly hard time

Oh poor you with the teething - is it the incisors coming through? They were particularly bad for my two, worse than the molars in fact. But if calpol not working might be a bug or something? Worth checking out. Could even be both, have found this happens a lot too.

Am sorry about the mc, must be awful for you. I don't think there is anything that can be said to make it better. So will jst send you a very un-MN hug (shhh) and lots of good sleep vibes!

A better night everyone! through to 6 with only one quick settle needed, a few cries that settled very quickly

acebaby I think you may be right with handfoot and mouth - I finally got a look in his mouth and although gums were slightly red he had some blisters at the back and he got a couple on his lips. No rash elsewhere.

Feeling slightly better after a good night - thanks for the advice everyone, was at a low spot this weekend x

excellent, hope you are over the worst of it
x

latest - the same thing happened with DS2 when he had hand foot and mouth. The good news is that you can only get it once for each virus (I think there are two viruses that cause it) so it is good to get it out of the way. And, it is uncommon in adults so chances are you won't catch it.

I let DS2 have an ice pop, which seemed to really help. Ones called iceicles (sp??) contain only fruit juice and water. It was messy though!

How are you doing? I hope you are coping okay today and manage to get some rest.