Am I an overprotective nutter mother from hell!?

[emily05]

I am really starting to worry that I am being overprotective and will hinder my ds from being a kid who has fun!

Please tell me whether I am or not. He is 3 in August. should I let him:

1. play upstairs on his own?
2. climb up and down the stairs without me watching?
3. play on a trampoline without me holding his hands?
4. be in a room without me there (like a mad stalker!)?
5. climb up stairs to a slide on his own?

You get the jist. Saw my neices today and one is the same age as my ds and my sil is so laid back with her but I am paranoid ds will have an accident and am now thinking I might be OTT.

thanks for listening!

thanks frogs. I think I have too much time on my hands!

anytime emily

its hard to let go. but aslong as the place he is in is safe then I think its ok to let him have a little space! Its nice for you too if they entertain themselves a little. You need to be comfortable too though.

Issymum,

My just turned 14 month old second child was sitting unsecured on an ordinary kitchen chair at the kitchen table yesterday (it was at my mum's house, and I had forgotten to take a booster seat). I just shrugged my shoulders and said to dh - keep an eye on him, I wouldn't want him toppling over onto a stone floor.

Then dd kicked off with a tantrum and dh went to banish her to time out, whilst mum went out to the utility room, and I followed dh to see how he was getting on with dd....

We returned to the kitchen 2 minutes later to remember belatedly that we were supposed to be watching baby ds to prevent potentially nasty fall scenario

I'd be interested in the accident stats for 2nd, 3rd + children too!

Emily05, Only you know the capabilities of your child. But with my DS It was yes to all questions. Not had any accidents as yet!

must say iam very laid back with mine well the 2.5 year old anyway. Wont let him play outside alone though for a long time. He can stay out while i nip in and out if he is around the back!
but with my 12 year old dd I arnt so laid back!! Do I let her go out to hang with friends etc?

is your name Tia? You could be my sister!!
My Nephew looks like a prat compared to the rest of his cousins cos his mum doesnt allow him to do anything! She even peels the skin off sausages incase of him choking. She packs a lunch no matter where they are for incase someone gives him something he may choke on...
AND she WONT let him go on a swing... my dd is 6 months younger than him and runs rings around him... he gets laughed at at playgroup tpp cos his mum sneds in notes to say not to let him on things that are dangerous... even the spacehopper..

Lighten up... he'll be fine

umm....ff2 I think that comparing emily05 to your sister is more than a little unfair. Your sister is far more overprotective than emily in the examples she has given.

And I don't think that telling her to "lighten up" is particularly constructive. If you have read through this thread properly you will see that this is a subject she is sensitive about and causes her some concern. Most people have disagreed with her stance but without insinuating that her ds will look like a "prat"!

I think that maybe your sister is really over the top, but will have her own reasons. Its hard to let your children go and its difficult to know where to set the boundries. I think asses each situation. You are the parent and it is your child! Do what is comfortable. Whats the saying..mother not smother

Issymum - I think yes. I jokingly remarked the other day to another Mum that I'm going to have SS in soon as DD has had so many accidents, and she told me that last time she went to A&E, (being something of a regular visitor, with 3 boys under 6) the doctor told her not to worry about being suspected of abuse, as they make allowances for the fact that second children tend to copy older children and try things beyond their capabilities (as well as us just having got more laid back with subsequent kids than we were with first)!

Dunno whether it's just that particular doctor though, or if that attitude is based on stats. But it makes sense.

No really got anything to add to this emily05 as I agree that your son is probably ready for most of this stuff. I do sympathise though - I was a terrible lurker when ds was a toddler as he was one of fruitful's "destructive nutter" children and always found the most dangerous thing in the room. He also fell in a pond at about 20 months which made me even more nervous. By the time he was coming up to three though, he was much calmer and since then I haven't had too much need to panic and so have been far more laid back with dd. And she has the (small) bruises to prove it...

Ummm Miaou, i was just passing on my experience of my nephew,and i wasnt the first person to say lighten up, and if you re-read you'll see i smiled after i posted that bit... i didnt post to get a reply like that from anyone... and i never once suggested that Emilys dd looked like a prat.. i was stating that everyone says my nephew looked like one. I'll perhaps keep my comments to myself in future. You had no need to reply like that to me... if i wanted insulted i could get that from other places..

And yes Mandy, my sis has her own reasons.. he was a premmie baby, but hes almost 4 now.

Yes to all!

ff2, I didn't say you said emily's ds was a prat, I said you insinuated it by comparing her to your sister then saying your nephew is made to look a prat. And I'm really sorry if you thought I insulted you, I simply said I didn't think that you were being constructive, which is simply my opinion. Please don't "go to other places" , we are both entitled to our opinions and both entitled to express them

you're right... i apologise if i insuinuated that emilys dd was a prat, thats def not how it was meant... i promise.
Im a good girl really and dont like disagreements.

big ff2 - friends again

My dd is 3 on Sept 4th and I let her do all of those except the trampoline - wouldn't let her anywhere near one as I believe they are the cause of many an unneccesary injury, if she wants to bounce she can do it on my bed!

do you not think it might be more dangerous bouncing on a bed than a trampoline after all the kiddy trampolines don't really let them bounce too far, but a bed is much higher off the ground

I think original poster has already been answered but yes to all and from far younger than the age you say your child is

I am not surprised to hear most people would let their children do the things you mention, Emily, but I think it is fine NOT to let your son do them if you don't feel comfortable about it. Trust your instincts! We are all different in our parenting styles and there is nothing wrong with that - often there is good reason as our children are at different stages of development - no way would all 2.5 year olds be proficient enough on the stairs for safety, for instance.

Having worked with children for many years, I have seen and heard about enough accidents to be more cautious than many people - personally I would rather be over-protective than neglectful if you see what I mean (and that is not meant to suggest anyone who has posted here is neglectful, by the way). But none of us here know your son or his capabilities, and it's nobody else's business to suggest what level of care you should take with your (only, precious) child!

dd is 4 in August and I think I'd answer yes to them all. However she is a second child so we probably allow her more independence than her elder brother and ds has been diagnosed with motor issues so I was definitely instinctively more protective towards him at that age, probably on 2 . 3. and 5. We moved to an apartment when he just turned 3 so can't really recall before then for 1. and 5.

There will come a time when you have to relinquish your sense of control - possibly when he starts a nursery or school and you have to trust someone else to watch out for him. You can't and won't prevent every accident (dd fell down marble stairs while I was with her aged 2) and he will only really learn to take care if you give him the space to experience things for himself. Perhaps better, for both of you, that you do this gradually. You could try allowing him a little more independence at a time for each "task" so you build up both your confidence slowly. dd has a trampoline with a handle and loves it !

I really wouldn't worry Emily05. So what if other mothers think you are being over-protective? You do what makes you and DS comfortable.

My DD is quite accident prone - likes to swan dive off the top of the stairs and hurls herself around a lot. So, I probably appear much more over-protective than some mums, especially around stairs. Other mums I know let their 2 year olds children wander around completely unsupervised, relying on other mums to intercept if there's a problem. I always feel that they think I'm over the top, but I behave that way because that's the way my DD is.

Anyway, after all these months of over-parenting, on Monday a huge mirror fell off the wall (of our evil German apartment, am suing landlord) and landed on DDs head, breaking her foot, cue ambulance and visit to A&E. So typical!

Emily, I'm kind of in the same boat but my ds is a lot older, 8. Most children his age where we live walk home from school by themselves. There are no roads to cross and its a 15 minute walk. I felt that I knew my ds and that, being the absent-minded chappie he is that he would forget to come home and that I would be there an hour later, frantic with worry, ringing all the other parents to see where he was. Well, I was wrong! I finally relented one day and let him walk and he arrived home in 15 minutes, which was far quicker than our usual jaunt home with ds2 and ds3 in tow. He walks with his friends and feels part of the gang. I think it can be hard to let go but probably worth giving yourself a talking-to every now and then to ease up a little

I think Emily has probably got all the answers she is looking for!! Can I just add being a parent is an individual thing all though there are 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000of us!!!! There is no wrong or right way..(apart from obvious before anyone starts about abuse etc!) there is only your way! You will still be asking yourself these questions..well a bit different but the should i let ds do...... for years to come.

My dd is 3 and 2 months so I can relate to you.

1. Yes providing obviously there is nothing dangerous within his reach.
2. Yes he should be able to do this OK by now.
3. Yes providing its not too high obviousy.
4. Yes
5. Yes

Having said all that I am in a dilema too in that I think that my dd should be out of a pushchair and able to walk beside me. As I am heavily pregnant at the moment I am keeping her in the pushchair (although she doesn't always want to be in it!) but her road sense is terrible - better safe than sorry I suppose but I see much younger children walking beside their parents. Anyone got any tips? Sorry to hijack the thread.