Am I an overprotective nutter mother from hell!?

[emily05]

I am really starting to worry that I am being overprotective and will hinder my ds from being a kid who has fun!

Please tell me whether I am or not. He is 3 in August. should I let him:

1. play upstairs on his own?
   
2. climb up and down the stairs without me watching?
   
3. play on a trampoline without me holding his hands?
   
4. be in a room without me there (like a mad stalker!)?
   
5. climb up stairs to a slide on his own?
   
   You get the jist. Saw my neices today and one is the same age as my ds and my sil is so laid back with her but I am paranoid ds will have an accident and am now thinking I might be OTT.
   
   thanks for listening!

[Gobbledigook]

My ds2 does all these things and he's 2.5. Has done so for a loooooong time too! He's got an older brother age 4, don't know if that makes a difference.

[Rarrie]

My DD is almost 20 months and I let her do all of these things. But we have a baby's trampoline with a handle (which she Must hold on to) and our house is heavily childproofed! Oh and the slide has only three steps!!

[Prufrock]

Yes to all for my year old - and yes to 3,4 and 5 for my 14 month old - I assume you are talking small kids trampoline with handle.

But I wouldn't suddenly switch from overprotective mother to laid back mother - your ds might have got so used to you being there that the sudden removal of any reassuring mumy presence will worry him. So I would allow him to do 2,3 and 5, but ease gently into 1 and 4 - leave him to play by himself for a few minute at first, gradually lengthening the time and popping back in to check on him every so often.

[Prufrock]

Opps "3 year old"

[Tommy]

My DS1 was 3 in January and he has only just started playing in his room on his own (although to be fair, he has only just moved into a room where there's room to swing a cat) - the other things he has been doing for quite a few months. In fact. DS2 (22m) does all those things too. Don't know if that makes me an underprotective bad Mummy or not!

[aloadoffishyballs]

yes toi all you mad old bint
my baby (2) does all those

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[emily05]

Thanks for answering. feel like a prat now and wish I hadnt posted this.
Dior, yes, he has just started nursery and loves it. Very confident and seems to have settled in - which is a weight off my mind.

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[emily05]

thanks dior.
I think it doesn't help that he is into everything all the time. he does not miss a trick and loves jumping and climbing! but I suppose that as long as the room is baby proofed he cant come to any harm. I think this all goes back to when he fell in a pool when he was younger and sank. I have been more protective since then.

[frogs]

Fishyballs, that's a bit harsh! But agree, actually, my 18-month old non-walking dd2 does all of these apart from the stairs -- even I have my limits.

Actually, I am the queen of crap parenting -- had a conversation with another parent at school in which she moaned about the fact that she couldn't put her ds in shorts because he kept falling over and hurting his knees. And there was me looking forward to sending ds to school in shorts because it saves wear and tear on his trousers.

Miaou, I never had you pegged as an anxious parent. I always had visions of your two girlies roaming freely across the fields on your idyllic little island, unlike mine confined in stuffy London.

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[emily05]

dior, ah bless! the thought of them in little school uniforms. I am not going to beat myself up about it because he a smashing little boy and if my only downfall is being overprotective then that isnt bad! thanks

[emily05]

aloadoffishyballs - I take it being a mad old bint is a bad thing then! lol

[aloadoffishyballs]

only kidding!

[emily05]

Dh tells me I am a mad old bint all of the time so I am used to it now!

[Berries]

1st child - none of them for at least 2 years
2nd child - will have been doing them for at least 2 years

[emily05]

but less of the old please!

[TracyK]

ds is 15 mo and would happily go up and down stairs if I let him - but he loves to get to the step 3rd from the bottom and then do a superman dive into my arms - and I think He'd try it even if I wasn't there!
He does use his baby trampoline on his own - but it does have a handle on it and he holds on.
He does go on the big slide at the park on his own - but I try and be at the bottom for him coming down. But I do think he's a mad baby!

[handlemecarefully]

I'm not going to tell you what to do (since I don't know your child and his needs), but I will tell you what I do with my 2.11 dd as a basis for comparison:

1. Yes - with fairly regular checks consisting of me shouting up to her "Are you okay?"
   
2. Yes - she is careful and holds onto the bannister
   
3. Yes
   
4. Yes - in my house and other houses which are toddler proofed.
   
5. Yes

[handlemecarefully]

I think you hit the nail on the head emily, if you had more than one to look after your standards would plummet!

[MaryP0p1]

1-5 Yes, Sorry but yes. But only with my own child I know their capabilities. Whe I'm looking after someone elses it would depend on the child and how well I know them and their capabilities.

[Miaou]

emily05 - being overprotective (ie you and me) or being more relaxed (like everyone else on here!) doesn't make you a "good" or "bad" parent - I don't feel we are doing anything wrong, and neither is anyone else - we are just doing it differently! I think your previous very scary incident has informed your parenting - and that's very understandable. I have never had such an incident but am still overprotective - and tbh I don't think it has done them any harm. They are not scaredy cats, or clingy children - quite the opposite - but they are good at assessing risk.

Dh and I recognise that it is our problem and not theirs and have been very careful to ensure that although we have taught them a lot about safety we haven't passed on our anxiety about it.

Please don't feel like a prat (otherwise I shall have to too ) - you are doing what you feel comfortable with. As long as you gradually "let go" - give him more freedom as he grows - and don't communicate your anxiety about what he does to him - then I don't think you will have a problem. Parenting is all about constantly reassessing situations in relation to a child's maturity and moving the boundaries as they grow to allow them to continue to flourish.


Frogs - can you imagine what we were like before we left the town environment!!!

[emily05]

thanks for all your opinions, it is good to see what other people do. handlemecarefully - lol! I think that because my sil has two with only a year between them she is shattered and has given up being overprotective!

Miaou - thanks so much for your post, you dont realise how better it has maded me feel! I was starting to think I was actually a bit bonkers! what you have said makes perfect sense and it is reassuring that even though I am protective he wont become a scaredy cat! He is not at all clingy luckily. thanks again.

[frogs]

The fact that you're asking yourself these questions means you can't be going too far wrong, emily -- I suspect real nutter mothers from hell never question what they're doing.