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My 2 year old won't go to his father?

7 replies

MrsEpps · 12/11/2009 16:15

Hello,
My 2 year old has always been a more cuddly boy that my eldest child (aged 3) but I am concerned as he won't go to daddy for cuddles or comfort. If my husband asks for a cuddle he'll say "NO" if he tries to take a cuddle he gets pushed away or told to "Go Away" and if he tries to comfort him he just asks for Mummy? My husband is getting quite upset with this and we don't know how to build the bond?
Can you help?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
kcartyparty · 12/11/2009 23:41

Sounds like your little man wants you all to his self. Nothing unusual about his behaviour.

Does Dh play lots of games with ds1?

shabbapinkfrog · 12/11/2009 23:46

My DS1 (27years old) is having the exact same problem with his DS. My grandson is 17 months old.

I look after him every afternoon while my lovely DIL goes to work and I have spent the afternoon chattering to him about his Daddy.

He is a bright little fella and I said 'When Daddy comes to pick you up tonight you need to give him a cuddle because he thinks you are not his friend.' He listened to me and I kept talking to him on and off all afternoon saying 'Awww your Daddy loves you.'

When my son came in I went over to him and hugged him....my grandson then wouldn't leave him alone.

Its really getting to my DS and making him very sad - I will be interested to see if anybody knows how to 'get around' this problem.

PrettyCandles · 12/11/2009 23:51

At this age this sort of thing can be as much about power games as about genuine comfort.

Of course it is upsetting for your dh, but he must be chilled about it. Eventually the LO will come around to him. Don't put any pressure on the LO to go to Daddy.

A couple of things that can help:

Do you always find yourselves splitting up with dh taking dc1 and you taking dc2? If so, try to break that pattern fro time to time, even if it's just who holds whose hand when walking down the street, and even if it's only for a few minutes. But you can also take the other child out, to the shops or to a playgroudn etc.

When dc2 falls over, or needs comfort, don't rush to him - let dh go to him. If dc2 says "Not Daddy - want Mummy", then daddy says, "OK, let's take X to Mummy" and does so. No fuss.

If he won't give dh cuddles, dh could try asking him to catch Daddy's kisses. You might have to model it for him, blowing kisses to each other and 'catching' them dramatically.

The important thing is not to put any pressure on him, not show him that you are upset by this, but to offer him as much as he is able to accept and show him that you (both of you) are ready for him to become more affectionate with his daddy.

kcartyparty · 13/11/2009 00:01

Pretty Candles. Great advice.

Now for a totally unrelated Q.

Is that your hand made pirate cake on your profile page??

PrettyCandles · 13/11/2009 00:08

Yes

kcartyparty · 13/11/2009 00:32

It is fantastic!

Is it a business you run? And if so are you in London?

PrettyCandles · 13/11/2009 13:02
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