2yr old deliberately vomiting to get own way...

[MaxineA]

Hi

Has anyone got any tips for dealing with a two year old deliberately being sick to get her own way? I try really hard to deal with tantrums (and she doesn't have that many really) by keeping calm, explaining why she should/shouldn't do something but would be first to admit I'm not as patient as I would like to be. Lately, however, when I refuse to give in (over her going to bed/wearing something/etc) she has started to make herself deliberately sick. She does a sort of coughy cry, coughs and makes sicky noises and then is sick. I know it's deliberate and she knows I know.

It's not the defiance (if I'm honest, I'm quite impressed with her level of determination) but it's more that I can't see how to stop it. In the case of not wanting to go to bed, it works because I have to change the bed linen. Similarly when she didn't want to wear a specific outfit yesterday (and, to be fair, she may have had a point), she was sick again and I'm not going to make her wear it when it's dirty.

Has anyone got any ideas?

Can you change the bed clothes/ outfit for something she likes even less, so that being sick is to her detriment?

LOL! When I changed the bed linen to one she liked, she started doing the sicky thing again... Not sure about the clothes. Might try that one!

I second that about making it even worse if she does need it changed. And don't make any fuss at all (hard when you want to scream!) when she does it.

And finally, a reward that she can have the clothes she wants and or a special set of bedding if she doesn't do it for x number of days...

Totally sympathise. DD1 has done this before and it is so infuriating.

My DD used to do this. The most invaluable tip I ever got was to give her the illusion of choice.
Instead of "put your coat on"... "would you like your coat buttoned or unbuttoned?"
"Which teddy would you like in bed tonight?", "Do you want to put him in or shall I?"
You get the gist. I would say that this worked for us about 80% of the time... not as effective if she was tired so we tried not to vary bedtimes.
She has SN and if I'm honest, we still do this a lot of the time and she is nearly 11!

gosh, I am very impressed that she can make herself sick. That is some talent!

Re clothes, I think the tip of putting her in her least favourite clothes is a good one.

Re bed clothes, I would just try to keep it as low-key as possible so she doesn't get the desired delay. No telling off, and the linen change as quick as humanly possible.

Here is what I did when DS1 was potty training and occasionally wet the bed, which might work for you. It makes the change literally 10 seconds work.

Keep a spare set of duvet and pillow, complete with covers, under the bed. Then make up the bed twice with waterproof sheet, ordinary sheet, waterproof sheet, ordinary sheet. If she's sick, whip off the soiled duvet and top layer of sheets to reveal the clean sheet underneath and lay down the new duvet. Job done. You can even do it with the lights off.

Ye-es she's certainly talented... I am wrapped around her little finger.

Thank you all for this advice. I haven't posted anything before and this is all really helpful and supportive (makes me feel so much less isolated). Shockers comment about the tiredness has also made me think about when she does this and I think she it's more when she is really tired (which is more often than it should be as she always wakes up at about 6:30am regardless of how long she manages to delay bedtime, etc).

I'm not great at enforcing some of the discipline - it's just the two of us and I have to work full time (which fills me with guilt, of course) and it's sometimes so much easier to give in, especially when I'm tired too. Unfortunately, two years of this is now having the inevitable consequence and I don't want her to be an unhappy little girl with no boundaries.

My DD did this. In the end I totally ignored it apart from cleaning it and her up when it happened. It was hard but it did work a treat. I did have to completely ignore it though. Not say anything about it or anything to her and just clean away then move on with what I was doing.

I know understand what you mean about feeling guilty and giving in, but believe me, this will make your life a lot harder in the long run. I found the book Toddler Taming had some quite useful tips in, if reading books helps you.

Yep, I have Toddler Taming but I should probably re-read it. She hadn't really perfected the art of being two when I first looked at it.

I'll definitely try completely ignoring it. That, coupled with the great spare duvet/doubled bed linen suggestion should really help speed up the return to normality at bedtime.

Thank you.

My DD used to deliberately wee to get her own way i.e. to get me to go upstairs and see her in bed or to come of the naughty step. It is hard but you have to change them and clean up quickly with the minimum of eye contact, conversation etc.

I tried to pre-empt by giving a couple of choices or distracting her.

Now that is impressive!

I know it's awful but your post did make me smile. I love the idea of you just calmly carrying on while DD2 is at peak of performance. All these posts have been great.

Of course, when I picked DD up from nursery this evening she was back to being my charming little angel and has been a complete joy. We shall what tomorrow morning brings. Or, in fact, this later on this evening when she wants to come into mummy's bed!

hi, just read your post and remembered seeing an episode of supernanny where a toddler was making himself sick to get his own way. I think she said to carry on as normal (easier said than done, i know!!) and ignore it, maybe they have back episodes on c4 website? I remember he stopped doing it by the end of the show though. HTH

Thank you - I'll track that one down.

Yes I saw that Supernanny episode on MOre 4 just this week. They were twins and did it to get picked up- solution seemed to be just to completely ignore it- say nothing to them and clear up as quickly as possible. Good luck- it must be very stressful for you.

My 3.6year old has tried this a coulpe of times. Always in bed when he doesn't want to stay there. To be honest it makes me absolutely lose it, because I cannot keep up with the washing!

I did a bad thing (I'm MaxineA btw but changed name - twice) and told my DD two things (1) if she was deliberately sick in my bed (which is where she was at the time) she would NEVER be allowed in it again (she wasn't sick); and (2) the next time told her that if she was deliberately sick I would give all her toys away to children who didn't have any. She stopped crying/coughing/etc immediately. I, of course, felt like terrible mummy but hey... I haven't had an incident since because I'm getting better at heading it off. Still going to check out the Supernanny thing though as it was close this morning - didn't want to wear tights (as usual).

Oh, and it makes me lose it too!