Falling asleep help needed

[usernametaken]

DS is nearly 8 weeks old and needs to be held to fall asleep and stay asleep. The HV advice was just leave him to cry..I shall not be doing that!

He is only 8 weeks old and had a very traumatic birth experience. Right now he needs to be held or rocked to sleep. Once asleep I can transfer him to him chair or pram or cot but within 10 minutes he is awake again. This is repeated over and over.
He does not fall asleep when feeding or being pushed in his pram...not even on an hours walk. On a rare occasion I can get him to fall asleep in the sling, but then when he is put down, he wakes within 10 minutes. Sometimes he falls asleep in the car but within 10mins of stopping he is awake again.

I know he is far too young for sleep training but I would like to put him down sometimes to take a shower, make lunch etc.
Any gentle tips on getting him to sleep longer without being held. He is getting himself so over tired now that it makes going to sleep even harder. It is now nearly 12pm and he has been awake since 7am which is far too long for 8wks. When he does wake up after 10minutes he just cries and cries.

Night time is better as we are co-sleeping...and yes, the HV said this was a rod for my own back but it works for us!

I think you're right not to leave him to cry. I can't give you any foolproof tips as I've not experienced exactly the same thing.

My DD had some sleeping issues when she was smaller (she's 2.2 now) and I still hold her until she sleeps (I had got her sleeping without this but then she was poorly and we went back to stage 1) but I hold her in a blanket and then lie her down with the blanket. This does seem to help. I also make sure she's absolutely asleep before lying her down. I tend to think "I'm so shattered anyway what difference does another five minutes make"?

I know this is a "softie's" approach and any professional nanny would be horrified but they're all different and I think you're likely to know best.

On the showering thing, I used to take my DD into the bathroom with me and put her in one of those bouncy, carry-able chair things so she could still see me. It's hard work on your own with a little one who just wants to be in your arms and the idea of getting up first to have a shower, etc, is laughable if you have a child who can't sleep.

I hope things improve for you.

Hi DS2 was very similar and a complete shock after DS1 who was a super sleeper. 8 weeks is young but not too young to start putting him down semi awake. When I posted in some desperation someone on MN described the moment they all go through just just before they go to sleep and said 'Put him down now now!!'. It absolutely worked and after a couple of times I was able to leave the room with him asleep. It also helped because when he woke up in the night he knew how to drop off again.

DS was a few months older by that point and I was chronically short of sleep. Just my own view but it is worth working hard with the sleep issue early on before you become chronically tired as I did.

Completely agree with MaxineA - bouncy chair whilst showering worked really well. Have you tried swaddling? We went back to this at around 8 weeks and it really helped (Grobag swaddle was fab but too big in the first month or so)-think he felt secure and able to sleep.

Hope some of this helps.

Will he fall asleep in your arms and stay asleep if you sit down, with him across your chest, or belly, etc? I spent the first 8 weeks of DD's life pinned to the sofa by a kipping baby. If I got up to put her down somewhere else she would wake and cry.

Now, at 19 weeks, she is sleeping in her cot from 7pm to 6am, no worries at all (I started changing her in her cot so she got used to being in there).

I watched A LOT of telly in those 8 weeks and didn't get out much, but I don't regret it at all. Now she won't sleep on me at all unless she is absolutely killer tired, and I kind of miss those cuddly days.

Oh I wish I'd been on MN when my two year old was young. I'm having a nightmare time with her all of a sudden - she absolutely will not get into her own bed; makes herself sick; wants to be in mummy's bed; etc and all because I was so weak in the early stages. Absolutely agree with the thread here - it is worth sorting this early if you can. I'm so tired and it's starting to impact all areas of my life... I wish you the best of luck and truly hope you get some rest.

Just wondering, usernametaken, is your baby a flailer??!! by that I mean, does he have an extreme startle reflex?? Maybe he might benefit from swaddling. My DD used to bat herself in the head and wake herself up all the time - she was a sleeping-in-arms-only type of baby. Swaddling helped a bit.

Oh, and ignore the HVs. They are mostly full of rubbish, save for the very occasional one. IMHO (OK, strike me down now). Trust your own instincts. If what you're doing works for you, don't worry about anyone else.

Thank you for the replies and BTDT experiences.
I started swaddling him the other day and it seems to keep him asleep without me needing to hold him. Right now he is in his chair looking like a burrito, but asleep! I still had to hold him to go to sleep but I plan on weaning him off that ASAP. If the swaddling continues to work then he could master falling asleep on his own.

The other day he was in his car seat for a 90min journey- he was awake the whole time! He is a real sleep fighter in the day time. I'm grateful though that he only wakes once in the night for a feed.

DD was an awful sleeper and we vowed to do things very differently this time round, but we seem to have screwed up somewhere.

Thanks again.

Your 8 week old is what my 18 week old was like 10 weeks ago! Even down to staying awake for a 90 minute car journey...except, try a 4.5 hour car journey from London to Yorkshire!! Awake all the way. (So different from my first who was the king of sleepers from day 1....)

Anyway, without any intervention from me, she is slowly getting better - just today she stayed asleep for 2 hours after I had put her down already asleep. I have told myself that if things aren't significantly better by the time I am beginning to wean her at 26 weeks then I will deal with it. Until then I just keep telling myself that in the context of my life 6 months is not that long to be at the mercy of her sleep idiosyncracies(sp?).

So, no help from me, but just wanted to tell you you're not alone....and I don't think you've necessarily screwed up....they're still so little in the grand scheme of things....and everything can, and may, change on it's own.

At least that's what this ever-hopeful optimist keeps tellng herself

Really pleased that swaddling is helping. You won't have screwed up - they are just all so different!

hi- stick with the swaddle and I'm thinking you'll find that it gradualy be able to put ds down..... I remember worrying about this with ds and then just kind of knowing that he was ready to be put down a bit more sleepy (but not asleep ifykwim). He would do this kind of crying (not really crying) with his eyes shut, it was like a little last protest.... and then would get off... good luck- trust your instincts sounds like you're doing great