toddler sleep hell

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jesus 5 omnth old ds woke at 11 for a feed, 2.5 year old dd at the same time SCREAMING , i had to go back + forth, feed him for a minute, see her, and back + forth.

dh was 'helping' by holding ds while he screamed in hunger as i tried to settle her, god knows why he couldn't do it, o yes, i know why she won't settle for him. he has decided in a contest of wills, she wins over him, and so i am up + down like a fucking yoyo.

i was up from 11 to 4 last night, cos i settled her at 11, fed him + because of all the upset he took till 1:30 to go back to sleep. i couldn't get back to sleep as my nerves were shot so at 3 when i was just starting to drift off guess what 'MUMMY AHHHHH!!!!!!'

I took her in to bed with me so i could get some sleep, not ideal but there you go.

she is shut up in the front room away from me as i think i could quite happily kill her right now.

i talked with a health visitor about how to resolve this, she gave me a good idea, to tell her 'it's bedtime, lie down, i will check on you in 2 minutes' then return + repeat with progressivlely longer times til child is asleep. i tried it at 11 and it worked, but we need to be consistent. i asked dh to settle her at 3 and he just sat there reasoning with her, which undoes everything i am trying to do.

i am exhausted, and out of ideas, and really finding her hard to love right now. what would you do?

ha ha while she was shut in the front room she took it upon herself to COLOUR IN MY WALLS RED . I don't know whether to cry or laugh.

I have thrown all her colours out.

Explain (very calmly) to your DH your method and the reasoning behind it. Explain that this method works but requires you both to be consistent, otherwise all your work is for nothing and you will be back to square one. Once he understands all this he should be on board. If he persists in reasoning with your DD, explain to him that as he is undoing all your work, he will have to get up to her in future - his choice! If he values his sleep he should co-operate.

Laugh! You have to! She's probably over-tired, as are you. Stick her in front of Cbeebies and put the kettle on!

If you are feeling that bad then you need to sit down with your dh and tell him he HAS to co-operate or you will not be settling her at all anymore and he can deal with her during the night and you'll deal with the baby. He must can see how much it is getting to you, he needs to support you.

Also, at 2.5 (ds is 2.10) I would have and in fact did, explain that mummy wont have energy in the morning to play or be a happy mummy if I am kept up all night.

Also does she have anything like a comfort toy / blanket? Is there anything she could take to bed which might help her self settle?

Good luck, sleep deprivation is hell.

thanks, I really needed to vent.

She knows how to self soothe, it hasn't been a problem previously. She is clearly going through something, and i need to ride it out I guess.

i will talk to dh, I guess that was the most frustrating part, feeling like I am doing it all.

I also called parentline, highly recommend it if anyone needs it, and had a good old cry.

part of what makes it so hard is having no family here who can help, and dh's parents are not in the best of health, and on the other side of the country to boot.

bah, I know, suck it up, this is what i signed up for. i don't remember any of this crap being in the promotional literature!

have emailed my mum in Canada and she has responded already with some kind words - it is helping, as has you all taking the time to help, thanks, it is v appreciated

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