Best way to handle a tantrum at toddler group.

[NoseyNooNoo]

I took DD (3yrs) and DS (1yr) to toddler group today We had a lovely time until towards the end when we start to clear away. DD started to sulk and I ignored her. The group then sat in a group for music time. DD sat in the middle and had the mother of all tantrums - screaming, rolling around the floor, tears falling down her face - not helped by another child stealing her chair. Every time I got up to comfort her she notched up the volume so I ignored her.

I could have removed her and DS(who was being an angel) and gone home. Should I have done this? I'm aware that her tantrum ruined everyone else's enjoyment but I ignored her because I feel that if I pander to such behaviour she'll do it again. However, this meant that no one could hear the music.

So - ignore her, console her, remove her and DS or another alternative?

saintmaybe - she had her tantrum for the full song period of about 10 songs. She continued her tantrum half the way home and then snapped out it.

I agree with what Nicacinoonoo said.

I hate seeing kids being ignored (for more than a couple of minutes) while having a tantrum. I am afraid I would have been one of those thinking 'ffs,DEAL with your child...' or even said something sympathetic to you to get you to get up and DO something about it. What did she learn today? That if she has a tantrum nothing will happen? Agree that tantrums are only partly rational behaviour anyway.

Granted my 3 year old has never tantrummed like this - 10 songs and half the way home? My! She did start to have a very-unlike-her meltdown in soft play the other day - what worked was snapping her out of it with distraction (picked her up too, amazes me how many people try to deal with things from a distance) 'oh LOOK, on the WALL - it's funny monsters - HA!' then spoke to her about her behaviour. Was phew! that it actually worked...

Ds is sure to come along and teach me new strategies for dealing with mega tantrums, eh?

PS Agree it's annoying when the younger one is affected by the consequences for the older one. Ideally, the consequences would be different but it's not always possible - I guess we have to make lots of fuss of the younger in that situation.

What worked with my DD was if she was having a tanturm at home (and she could go on for 45 minutes), I'd just ignore her and get on with something else. I found out the hard way that I couldn't shorten her tantrum if she'd really lost it, if I did, it would just re-start again and be a whole lot worse. Eventually she'd calm down, I'd ask her to apologise and we'd move on. No shouting from me, just very calm, easy instructions.

If we were out and about and she started a tantrum which was disturbing people (such as playgroup) I'd tell her that she'd have to sit nicely or we'd have to leave. If she didn't calm down then it would be straight home.

If we were say in M&S then I'd just let her get on with it (and have to keep saying to people 'no she's not just tired') and ignore her until she'd calm down. She'd apologise and we'd continue our shopping.

She hardly ever tantrums now, obviously mainly due to her growing out of them, but also because she knows that shouting and screaming doesn't make mummy change her mind, asking nicely might.

i saw the vicks nasal spray advert where the mums starts to have her own tantrum and i thought..... i wonder if that would actually work..... IT DOES!

My DS2 who is 2.9 starting kicking off at his nursery and was doing the whole foot stamping screaming building into a full tantrum.
so i just started doing it back to him and he just about wet himself laughing at his mummy being so silly (mind you so did the nursery staff).

Now he starts a tantrum but is watching sideways to see if i'm gonna have one too....
Try it! Its really really liberating....

Sorry but if i'd been one of the other mums I'd have been unimpressed if one child's tantrum (and it happens to us all) spoiled songtime for all the other kids. I often ignore my stropping 3 year old but not sure I'd leave her to strop in the middle of a toddler songtime.

Toddler Groups etc can be tricky with 2 - i'd have asked someone to watch wee one and have taken her out.

Hope today's a better day and that this phase passes quickly for you.

Could you be prepared for next week, put DS in pushchair for songtime, or have pushchair readily available, so that if she does it again you can just up and leave?

I run a toddler group and am afraid that if i had a tot who was screaming like that and ruinning it for everyone else and the parent was (seemingly) ignoring the tantrum... then I would have politely asked that parent to remove the child. I dont think it's fair on all the other children to miss out due to one child's disruptive behaviour. sorry.

Should say also thaty I am a mum of 4 andif one of my kids did that i would just scoop said child up and apologise before removing them to a different room until they calmed down.

but then we are all different...

Yes, we are all different. Some people are very keen to tut and judge other mums and the way that they parent.

OP, it's a difficult situation, and I feel for you. It's easy to sit in judgement("My!") at the horror of another child's tantrum when you have little or no experience yourself.

Ignoring it is dealing with it. If I try to pick up my 3 year-old when he throws a full-on tantrum it escalates the situation enormously.

Perhaps remove her next time and sit outside, so she doesn't get to go home or play.

Tricky, good luck.