DD has wet knickers ALL THE TIME!

[SydneyB]

Am at the end of my tether! For the last 2 months now my previously potty-trained nearly 3 yr old DD has been wetting her knickers 5/6 times a day. I've tried sticker charts, rewards, ignoring, wild praise when she gets it right and nothing seems to work. Its like she just can't be bothered or is too lazy to go but its now become this awful confrontational thing between us and if I even ask if she wants to go she screams no and if I physically drag her it's a screaming fit too! I'm now not sure how to unravel it all and also just have no idea how to stop her doing it. PLEASE HELP!

Another similar tale here. DD started wetting again (day and night) when going through a period of change recently. New baby on the way, and started pre-school plus stopped going to much loved nursery.
It's been tough, but some things have helped.
Her mad granny invented an imaginary friend who always needs the loo when she is sitting on it! This makes going to the loo fun, as we can speculate on whether the 'friend' is going to be there!
I ask her to go with me to keep me company, then gently persuade her to go at the same time.
I try really hard not to make a fuss when she wets but make sure she changes herself. This backfired on me a bit though because when she's dancing around clearly needing to go she sometimes tells me, 'if I wet my pants I will change them myself?'
Good luck... we seem to be coming out the other side of it now. It will pass.

And more of the same here too. We knew it was laziness/not wanting to interrupt what she was doing (she pretty much told us so). I resorted to the bribery

Me: DD, if you have no wet pants when
I pick you up from nursery, you can have 2 smarties when we get home.

DD: Ok, me not know about that

and she was pretty much fine every day after that. I think she'd just not seen the need to worry about not wetting her pants. The smarties just fizzled out by the way. It became the norm to have them every day and then some days I would "forget" and she didn't mention them.

I know you said you've tried rewards but did you get the right reward - something she cares about enough. At that time DD would do just about anything for a smartie.

So, for the last 2 days she has also pooed her pants! Have promised a present at the end of today if she stays dry. PLEASE LET IT WORK.

How did the bibery go Syd?!

This is my first time on mumsnet so hello everyone. The problem of wet pants has plagued us since taking my 3yr old daughter out of nappies. just when you think you've turned a corner with it you get a day of wetness and sometimes poo too!! We found the minimal response approach works quite well. that is say absolutely nothing when finding our little 'angel' standing in the middle of a puddle. very hard i know but when she goes to the toilet giving lots of praise. also regular toilet visits and stopping activities and turning off the telly until she "just tries" to go. Hope this helps

wow, so reassuring to read this! I posted my own distress call a couple of days ago and got pointed in direction of this thread!! My dd (2.8) is exactly the same - initial potty training went well and she got it, and now for last month or so we are having wet pants about 5 times a day - when I say we need to change her it becomes a screaming tantrum of 'no'. Have tried rewards, pants with Lola on them, stickers, bribes, ignoring, telling off, getting her to put wet things in laundry basket, nothing makes a difference. Her brother is nearly 1 and I wonder if his more active involvment is having an effect and it is an attention thing. Can't keep up with the washing. I know she has awareness of when to go, as she is very good at night at waking me up to tell me she needs a wee (even though she is in pull-ups) and if she is naked, she never has an accident - it's like she sees pants as a safety barrier, and it can be hidden from view (or so she thinks). I think it is laziness that has become habit. Just not sure how I now break it. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Good to know I guess that I am not alone. But still damn frustrating!!!

Another one here... this morning DD1 (2.7) told me she was going to need 5 pairs of pants today. It's almost like she thinks it's fun getting changed into a new outfit Was going to try bribery too, but then thought maybe completely ignoring it all and not even asking her if she needed the loo might be a better approach, since it's becoming a battle of will? Or a combination of both. I can't work out whether she's troubled by anything in her life, DD2 is now 6 months old so I thought we'd be over any possible rivalry. Oh well, glad to hear we're not alone...

Bit of a breakthrough this weekend. Got lots of nice new knicks - Lola and Peppa and tried the 'Lola and Peppa don't like getting wet' thing and it did seem to help. Also lots of wild praise when she got it right (and smarties). No poos! Not sure if it'll last but feel a bit better about it this eve. I think they all respond better to praise than disapproval but its hard work!

Not quite the same scenario, but this is our experience. DS was never great, but he probably had dry days half the week and one or two accidents on other days. Then it got a lot worse. I also put it down to laziness / distraction and we and his nursery seemed to try everything. Eventually, we went for praise the good, ignore the accidents however frustrating. We were reacting before - telling him that he couldn't chose his clean clothes, or asking him why he hadn't gone to the toilet. I also made rewards easier to attain - we were doing stickers on his calendar and he hadn't had one for weeks; so I changed it to a sticker for a dry morning / afternoon instead of for all day (and made a big fuss of going to put one on his calendar after lunch on days he was at home and had earned it). But I do think that it was the ignoring that was more effective. Just never mind, perhaps you'll get a sticker this afternoon / tomorrow, change your clothes (he had mostly done so already). But if he went to the toilet it was " have you got dry pants? really? that's fantastic - well done you etc." Asking him if he wanted to go didn't work; but firmly telling him to try for a wee wee before we went out, had lunch or whatever excuse I could think of to try and ensure that he went if he hadn't taken himself for a while also helped. I hesitate to post this as he will no doubt revert. He isn't perfect but is so much better (I have been known to go out without any spare clothes!) It is one of those things that is draining to deal with constantly. Good luck to all of you.

Oh it's not just us suffering with this then?

I thought ds had it cracked but he's getting progressively worse for leaving it too late. He'd had several months with very few accidents but can now easily go through 2 or 3 pairs of pants a day. He doesn't fully wet them but just doesn't quite get there quick enough. Mind you, he will sit there jigging and nearly tying himself in knots but still insist he doesn't need to go.

It's got worse since his 4th birthday at the end of last month and I honestly think it is because we doesn't want to leave his new toys for the couple of minutes a toilet trip would take. He's at a school nursery in the morning and doesn't have accidents there. He also manages fine on days out.

I must admit I need to find a way round it as I'm starting to lose the plot with it as I know he is capable of going to the toilet.

A friend of mine had a similar problem with her dd, the health visitor asked if she drank fruit juice as it can cause the bladder to contract. When she cut juice out she went back to being dry !

bump

My DS2 can't seem to control his bladder if he has ribena. Other blackcurrant or apple and blackcurrant drinks are fine, but give him ribena and he'll wet himself several times. Perhaps something else to cut out?

Claremal - I really think your approach is the right one. I really hesitate to say it but we're now on Day 2 of dryness and have been doing what you've done. Making the rewards more attainable so a smartie every time she went to the loo/potty for the first couple of days, making a vast fuss about dry knickers and getting the nice new nicks. She's already forgotten about the smarties and I hope that will last. I think it was helped by a long weekend with granny and aunty too so she had a lot of fuss from everyone when she was dry. Sure we're not out of the woods but its relief to see some progress!

Its very common to have several relapses during the first year after potty training. I'd try not to make an issue of it. I'm sure it bothers you far more than it bothers her.

We have had exactly the same. DD was dry from 2yrs 2 month until about 2yrs 10 month and since then had wet herself a number of times a day. We've been backwards and forwards to the doctors a number of times and there is nothing physically the matter with her , she's just lazy and quite honestly she's not bothered about being in wet knickers she just goes upstairs and changes herself.

I will probably curse myself now but we seem to be coming out the other side at 3yrs 7 months. Over the last 6 weeks or so we've realised that she's now just wetting when she's at school when they are in a group situation. SHe's happy to take herself to the toilet when she's having free play but she doesn't seem to want to ask if they are having story / circle time. The teacher is reminding them all to go before they sit down. Over the last 2 weeks she has only had one or 2 accidents in total so it's massive improvement and I am very pleased.

Scattyspice - well yes, it most obviously does, doesn't it...?

I've just had to find this thread again to say thankyou so much to FourArms.

I'd bought Ribena for the first time the week ds had his party. He had a shocking week with accidents last week so I threw the Ribena away on Friday to see if it made any difference and he hasn't had an accident since. I'm that it does seem to make such a difference but a huge thankyou to you for suggesting this.