I'm so sick of so-called milestones

[supercalmnot]

Milestones make me mad - and stressed. My DD is 18 months and is a 'bum-shuffler'. She's so good at getting around on her bottom she hasn't developed from crawling to walking in the usual way - yet. There are many toddlers who don't walk until they're 2 - but tell that to the people who write these 'milestone' articles.

I got one yesterday that told me my 18 month old would now be walking for at least 20 mins, swinging her arms and carrying toys at the same time. Is this supposed to make me worry? On top of this I have (well-meaning, I guess) grandparents asking 'have you tried just making her walk?' Would you say that to someone in a wheelchair? My DD isn't ready to walk yet - if she was, she would!

Other experts advise you not to 'force' them as this can make them anxious and pick up on your worries. But I bet it's these same experts who write the milestone books and emails that make me so stressed!

She has about 30 words, fantastic fine motor skills and is a happy, sociable little girl who sleeps well. Why can't they all leave us alone?

Because milestones are there to help monitor childrens progress so that any potential problems can be picked up early and, hopefully, corrected. Of course there's always a range of ages that children meet each 'milestone' thats a no brainer. Not sure what your gripe is here, maybe you should have posted this under AIBU.

Thanks for your input. Sorry to have wasted your valuable time.

Bit churlish superclamnot you asked for opinions, I gave mine. If you didn't want constructive discussion why post?

Still not sure what your gripe is. Is it that your dd is a late walker? Is it that other people have pointed it out? Is it that you think you know better than health care professionals? Giving birth does not make us experts in child development. Part of being a good parent imo is knowing when to seek advice and support for our dcs.

Are you worried about your dd supercalmnot? I know a few "late" walkers/talkers - once they get started there's no stopping them!

If you're fairly relaxed about dd i.e. she'll do it when she's good and ready, try to avoid reading any more articles. Smile and nod at the "helpful" comments of others.

And breathe.

Supercalmnot, Milestones are ther as a guide only, do not make yourself sick with worry if they your DC does things at a different speed.

Of my 4 DCs, I can fairly say thei did things either much sooner or much later than they "should" have but very seldomly "on time".

DD1 could crawl at 4 1/5 month but did not sit up until just before her first birthday. DS3 walked at 18 months and DD4 at 9 months...and I could go on and on.

I had the same sort of remark from ILS "have you tried to teach him to walk?"(for DS3) To which I answerd I had not but they should feel free to try... Guess what, he did not walk for them either because he was not ready for it , or too lazy, or fast enough on fours and did not see the point of standing up...

If you really are worried that something is really taking too much time maybe you should ask you GP for to tell you at what point do the mecical professionals think there is really a problem and something should be done about it. My guess is that in most cases it is much further ahead to what other parents will tell you IYSWIM?

I know what you mean about milestones- but on the other hand, they can be really useful for children who do have a problem.

When my dd was 18 months, not walking was actually a sign that something was wrong. If I had been more alert then, she would have been spared years of pain and permanent damage to her joints that can never now be undone.

But I never thought it would come to that, I didn't think there was anything wrong with my lovely dd, I kept repeating again and again that she will walk when she is ready, that children all develop differently.

Also, when it did come to a diagnosis many years later, it did help to have kept tabs and be able to tell the doctor exactly when she did what.

I understand that the stress of milestones can feel pressing. But believe me, it is nothing to the stress of knowing that permanent damage has been done because something was not picked up on. That if she had been given the right support then, she might not have needed the wheelchair now.

Supercalmnot - I'm with you on this one! I knew my dd would have problems and so have worried excessively about milestones. dd was late crawling, walking and doing most things but her excellent Occupational Therapist said - what does that matter as long as she gets there in the end?

Agree that milestones can be useful as a sign something is wrong but more often than not they cause stress amongst parents. Also, they differ so widely as well - some books say by 18 months children should be walking and others will say 2 years.