I suspect you're right and your DS is feeding off the power . I think tho that the only one who can do that much about it is your DH. This is only my experience - but - if it's mainly me reasoning to the child and the DH not really playing along, it doesn't really help and may cause more probs!
I'm saying this, knowing that it is hard for my dh when he comes home from long hours at work. It's taken him many many years, but he finally seems to be realizing that he has to behave the same as me!
They cause a fuss, you don't create a negative fuss back, you keep doing & saying positive things with them. Even when you REALLY don't want to. It's not a short term fix, you have to keep doing it. Most of the time you ain't gonna get much thanks. The same as for us mums This has taken him around 9 years!!!
However shattered your DH is, especially if you want a break, I think he needs to take ds places without you, even if it's a 5 min kick around in the garden or park. Do things for him even if he whines, or asks for mum, ignore. He need to keep doing it & not act hurt!! Again same as we "try" to do day in day out.
It's amazing how quick young children are to start getting a grip on social situations. Mine seem quite capable of winding up their father and each other the moment they can move ;)
This reply will probably seem harsher than I mean, but years later I still struggle with my DH stropping and actually causing probs!!! Wish I'd said a few things years back, in a nice way of course ;) I also don't mean that children are horrible scheming creatures that need to be tamed, they do go through so many funny little stages you can ride through.
Probably much easier to get through them when you're both behaving the same way. She says knowing the next conversation she needs to have with her DH