Hi, not sure how much help my point of view will be,but here goes. Just read through your post and can see simularties between our boys. To me,my ds is a cheeky,yet shy and anxious(???) cheeky little sod,who is very stubborn and set in his ways.(my fault)
And it just took a while longer to settle into things/anything. Which i have found can be common with boys.
My ds 4 and half. started pre-school at his local and within a term the nursery nurse had diagnosed him with asd,being mildly on the autisic specrum. He wasnt even 4.
They had there worries reguarding social skills,eye contact and his speech(pronouncing phonics). Like your ds he would chase people and shove things in their faces and just didnt understand why this was wrong.
He preffered to play alone and silly things would scare him again like your ds.
He would get angrey over silly things and practicaly growl and shout,hit and smack. He was also very anxioius. I mjust admit that we only ever agreed with the school on the facts that he liked to play alone and that he was anxious. We had had answers to their worries on all of the other symptons aswell as the ones we agreed with.
speech- his hearing is not up to standard in one ear.
Social skills-was a only child untill 8 months ago,was fine at nursery and with people he knew out of school.
anger and growling- i have to admit mainly my fault as he was extremly spoilt and i was very laid back and never said NO. And he hadnt learnt these skills yet,there is no age limit to wen they should be learnt by,just a 'average child' timing.
boundries with other children- He only soacilised with the same children untill school and once again was a only child living in our adult world.
So as you can see there is answers to it all if you are honest and open,we felt bombared by the school,with there opinions.
A a year down the line we are nearly finished with the whole asd assesment and guess what???? He is fine as normal (hate that word) as the next kid. Plays happly with people he wants to play and is much better behaved due to me learning new tatics and listening to him and being more firm.
So i had to admit that he was a 'naughty??'child,but down to me partly.
Like i say dont know how much this will help, but my god he is still only nearly 5(next march)he still thinks he knows it all,but he is one of the most happly fun loving little boys around.
As stressful as the whole thing was with school,it helped us a family,to understand a boys needs. And in the middle of it all it made me realise that it was us that needed to change rather then him.
And he still only so young. I crnt stress that point enough. Take any help/advice the school offer it can only help him.
I go on holiday on monday but will regauly check on here before i go if you want a chat.