Lippy 4 year old not sure how to handle it

[lorraineowen]

Hi, i've 4 year old twins (boy/girl) the last month or so my son has been getting more and more lippy, i.e if i tell him off or say come on get ready for school etc i get 'i am going to tell daddy of you' or i am going to tell my teacher, i had started by saying tell daddy/techer what but not sure if engaging in a conversationa about it is the right way to go, also very recently he has been saying well i am going to kick you then or i want to hit you! This is making me upset as it only seems to be directed at me and my husband can do no wrong in his eyes.

Wanted to try and tackle this over the half term so any suggestions please!

Hi lorraineowen.

I have twin boys or 3.5 yrs and the older one is doing EXACTLY the same thing. Although he is also saying he wants to smack a girl at pre-school who keeps kissing him. I just keep repeating that we don't smack people, that it's not very nice, and if he starts causing trouble at home he goes to his room to cool off.

I'm hoping this is just a phase. His brother, although now turning stroppy also, isn't as aggressive.

I think you are right not to engage in conversation with him regarding the "tell daddy/teacher" comments.

Although my oldest will still say the same things to daddy, daddy isn't the main disciplinarian, that's me, so if he does have words with our son about his behaviour, it usually has more effect than anything I could say.

I would say that it's actually quite positive in a way. He is clearly in a state where he wants to hit you, but he is controlling himself and verbalising his feelings instead. He's growing up. Way to go. Later on, he will learn to manage a conversation in such a way that he doesn't need to get to the point where he wants to hit you very often. But this is a start. I would stay calm and unflappable, just say matter-of-factly, 'yes, I notice that you want to hit me, but you are a big boy so you don't do that'. 'Yes, tell Daddy' is fine as a response as long as you can manage to sound cheerful and indulgent about it, not if you feel yourself going whiney.

hi, iv just dealt with the same problem apart from my son is gonna be 5 in march.

He used to say ' your not my best (friend) and im gonna tell my dadddy/who ever else at that chosen time. and practicaly growl he got so angry.

I can honestly say he still
says im telling daddy, i find this is beacuse daddy gives in more!!! i just ignore it cause to them it just a way to get you into a conversation about what they want and it a way to get it. Clever little sods they are. not much help i know but thought i would mention it

Hope no-one minds me keeping an eye on this thread for any tips/advice! It's definitely reassuring hearing how others have dealt with this.

I have a 4.6yr old boy and 2 younger girls.

I think boys tend to go through a VERY physical, aggressive stage at between 3.5 and 5yrs.

For me it was when ds was almost 4- his energy levels went through the roof and he was physically aggressive (not towards me) but just generally jumping, kicking, hitting, throwing etc in a 'full of energy' type of way.

Along with this his behaviour was quite up and down and he could be quite hard to deal with.

However now- almost a year on- he is SO much better. Is much more mature and fun again!