Mortified by DS pushing baby at playgroup

[Annya]

DS - 2.6 - and I were at playgroup this morning. He was standing by a slide with a little boy of about 15 months and pushed him. The little lad fell against the slide and bumped his head.

He had done nothing to DS, didn't even have a toy or anything he wanted. I was furious and mortified. I made a fuss of the little boy and tried to get DS to say sorry to him. He didn't really get it and just said "sorry mummy" with a bit of smirk.

I apologised and we then left as a punishment. I told him very sternly that I was really disappointed in him and cross and explained he hurt the other child. When we got home I refused to let him watch a DVD he wanted. He has now gone for his usual nap.

I still feel so cross with him.

How can I stop this from happening again?

Simple answer is you can't. The best approach imo is positive reinforcement of good behavior and brief time out, explanation of why we don't hit and apologise.

More importantly, you need to get over it and move on. Why are you still cross wiht him? Cos he embarrassed you? His behavior seems perfectly normal. These things are never entirely unprovoked, its just that as adults we can't always see what the provocation was. The fact this child was standing in front on him, in his way, could have been enough. You did the right thing making you child apologise but leaving was way OTT imo and to go on about it afterwards and pile punishment on punishment probably pointless. Chances are you ds won't have had any idea what you were going on about. Go look at him sleeping and remind yourself what a beautiful, funny, happy little man he is and how much you love him.

Holding a grudge against him is utterly pointless. I may seem harsh but I speak from experience. DS was a biter at nursery and the room staff had me thinking he was some kind of aggressive deliquent at 1 yo FFS until the manager stepped in with some common sense.

You did the best thing. My dd was pushed a while ago and the Mum did the same as you with her DS.

Honest it happens all the time.

I suspect that some of your reaction to him is that you were really embaressed. But children do these things and he is very little.
He is going to be confused if you are still angry with him about something that happened hours ago - children can't remember and relate back like that.

You told him off. Move on.

If he does it again you can come back here and get advice but for the moment you should just be aware that you are massively over reacting.

Just because he did this does not make him a bad child and nor does it make you a bad parent.

Let it go and next time you are heading to the playground just remind him about playing nicely and being gentle. Then praise him when he does.

At that age, they don't know why it's wrong, so getting them to say sorry doesn't really help - you need to explain that by pushing the baby he made him sad, because he hurt his head, and THEN go for the sorry! Otherwise you can get into the position where he thinks it's ok to hurt someone if you say sorry afterwards.

But it was probably just one of those moments where he didn't think, and it just happened.

You're right, I was embarrassed. I live in France and I still feel a bit awkward doing the whole small talk, trying to make friends thing in another language. It's not very easy, so yes, I probably did feel even worse than I would have in England.

Was telling him off quite calmly but sternly, leaving and then not giving him the treat of watching a DVD really that big an overreaction? I wanted to leave in case in happened again, altho we will be back next week.

BTW, he is now up and we've had a cuddle on the sofa and I don't plan on mentioning it again.

You've done really well:

you stopped it

you showed him it was not ok

and you gave the right reaction to soothe the ruffled feelings of the people around you (damage control)

No need for the withdrawn DVD but that will all be water under the bridge soon.

Thank you for all your posts. Today has made me realise how I must separate my issues - embarrassment etc or whatever - from the actual issue - toddler pushes other toddler!! Perhaps not such a big deal as it appeared at the time...