violent aggressive 7 year old boy

[samsysoo]

I am so exhausted trying to deal with a 7 year olds violent outbursts when he can't get his way on something. Ie:FRiday.leaves school and because I haven't a treat for him he repeatedly whips me with his coat and shouts at me in front of everyone; yesterday in Asda.frustration as he couldn't find anything to spend his 1 pound fifty on. tries to kick me twice. Today.won't practice piano.so I lose it after about 15 mins of remaining calm.. he slams a door in my face, throws stuff at me.
I am constantly assaulted or something. I am trying methods of anger management with him like the traffic light system (RED-stop Yellow.think etc and been looking at ways he can calm.breathing...........count to ten.go away.hit pillow. It's not that I feel we aren't making progress.we are. I just feel so damn angry that he has had everything I could do for him.done my very best.yet I've got a nightmare on my hands........WHY ??? WHat DID I DO WRONG??? I don't know any other Mum who has to endure this level of a problem..............Is it just me or do other Mums just keep quiet???

HELP!!!!!!!!!!

hi sam - can i ask what sort of discipline you give him when he hits out at you ? imo you have to put a stop to this now - i know its easier said than done sorry

Sam how is he at school and with his friends?

Thank you...yes I agree with this method.We do try to to go over the issues afterwards looking at ACT Adult;what was going on for me.Child ;What was going on for him and then use Tools to manage better. I have found the book.how to talk to kids so kids will listen really good. He has learnt to explain how he feels too which is great. Still, I guess it is a tough nut to crack.
I have spoken to a psychotherapist who suggests that he is really frightened so hug him when he is out of control.
Thanks for the ABC thing.its a lovely tool.
I think it is a combination of all these methods but one thing I am sure of is that it helps when I don't rise to his frustration but remain even calmer and provide that safety he is looking for. I Will do this I am determined to get better at the calm bit. He has learned from my explosions I think, when I feel so angry at his lack of compliance at times.Thank you so much for the trouble you have taken in helping me. I vey much appreciate the practical suggestions.

Discipline....we have had red cards/yellow cards that result in consequences.such as time out.loss of a nice event.bike/DS/Pc etc but are getting away from that more recently to haveing.time out to calm down and then a more realistic consequence ie: because I didn't like the way he treated me after school I will not bring anymore treats . I will not help him with his piano until he cvan control his temper and be nice to me........etc.

At school he is extremely bright .quite bored...but Ok enogh .he has friends and isn't aggressive he just saves it for me.!

I think the main issue is just a rant really about finding this hard.

wow you really are doing all the right things , we find time out works really well in our household as it gives both us & the dc's a chance to calm down & then talk things through ,
just a thought though - my ds went through a spell of being bullied & i found that he took all his anger out on me , its seems quite normal that they take things out on those who are closest to them iykwim ,
good luck

you're not alone - and I think that 6-7 is when it reaches a bit of a peak in some kids - and it's also when you realise that other children are much better at self-control

I second the Explosive Child - really helped me and dh deal with ds1's outbursts

the other thing that helped enormously was medication - it took ages for us to come round to the idea, but am so glad we did as the medication he's on (clonidine) not only helps manage his tics (he has Tourette's) but also helps take the edge off his aggression and impulsiveness. The long-term goal is to get him off medication, but he needed time for the pathways in his brain to get re-set

He still flies off the handle very easily (he's 12) but his outbursts are nothing like so long or so violent and he is able to talk through what happened much more quickly and rationally and he's coping very well at school

good luck

Thanks everyone.i'm going to get that book.the explosive child!

I have come across numerous violent kids. Dopamine can make children violent. Dopamine is produced when a child gets too much screen time. That is xbox, DS, TV etc. Limit to 1 hour a day. He/she will push the boundaries to see what they can get away with. "I'm sorry" always follows the violent behaviour. My stepson used to throw things. HE would lash out too. Also cut out the Alcesufame K and Aspartame fro drinks. He has a behaviour chart. If he is good for a week he gets a treat of his choice. Small toy, miniday out, etc. Two weeks. Bigger reward. Reward at first ONLY. It will take months and is not a quick fix. You MUST stick to boundaries. If he/she is violent put them in their room. If they smash it up. Remove EVERYTHING including the bed. "Do you like an empty room?" Answer will be "No." That way they cannot harm anyone with anything including themselves. This gives them a time out free of harm. After ten minutes they will see you mean business. Now the 3rd time you do this. A wee helpful phrase "what does good get? Nice things. What does bad get? Nothing." It will become your mantra. But he/she will know "good path" and "bad path" if you put it on a chart for them to read.

e.g. 1 day good behaviour sweet, piece of fruit, fave drink
after a week of no telling off as I say bigger treat.

1 day bad behaviour - No TV, no treats, no sugary drinks. Water n milk only. Buy banana or strawberry milkshake mix.
2 days bad behaviour

If they are a big brother or sister make it clear you DO NOT want the bad behaviour to be seen by the other(s). Praise their good behaviour around their sibling(s). Do not start shouting at them. Just make it clear who is boss.