I need your help with a clingy/non-sleeping 2 year old before I start to really hate him

[NorkyButNice]

Apologies in advance if this is a long one, but I'm desperately in need of some advice, or reassurance at least that this too will pass.

DS turned 2 last month, and around the same time became incredibly clingy around me. He literally follows me around the room, hanging onto my trousers or shirt tails, pleading "hug Mummy" or "Mummy up". It doesn't matter what we're doing - reading books, painting, playing with Lego - he's got to be sat on my knee hugging at the same time or he's not happy.

If I'm trying to cook dinner (still fully visible from where he's playing), he cries till I come back into the play area, or follows me and demands to be picked up - obviously not possible while I'm opening the oven, or draining hot pans.

The worst time is bedtime. He's never been a good sleeper (he slept through for about a week 6 months ago and that's it), but things have just become terrible in the last month. We go up to his room at 7.30, do the pyjamas/brush teeth routine, but he becomes hysterical as soon as I try to leave the room. I've tried the gradual withdrawal method (sitting in chair in his room, then sitting outside the door, then in the next room) but it's not working.

Last night it was 8.45 before he finally stopped climbing out of bed after DH shouted at him. I'm then up 3 or 4 times a night with him during the night.

Part of the problem is that DH works late a lot, so DS is dependent on me alone most of the week (when he's not at nursery). When DH is around in the mornings, DS still insists that I do everything - nappy changes, getting him dressed etc, or we get the same hysterics.

I'm starting to hate the sight and sound of him . It sounds awful, but the constant whinging, along with having to get up to deal with him 4 times a night is making it unbearable. DH and I were planning on TTC from this month, but I feel like I've still got a newborn what with having to carry him around and get up during the night.

Has anyone any experience of the whining/clinginess and the nighttime problems? Should I just leave him to cry?

My dd is 2 and went through dreadful clinginess recently, waking up screaming too. It's quite common for them to go through seperation anxiety at this age apparently, and also their back teeth are coming through too. I think leaving him to cry would just make it worse. Mine became frightened of everything too and was generally needy and hysterical too!
She is now back to normal and I just carried on getting up, and cuddling her. It didn't last that long and as she is still in her cot she had to stay there!
Maybe try some calpol/ibuprofen before you put him down just in case it is his teeth.
Good luck!

Thanks for the posts - every tip helps!

We have got a travel cot up in his room at the moment as we thought that might be one of the reasons he sleeps better at my parents, but if I try to put him in it he screams blue murder. He's actually able to get out of it, and not in a safe manner (drops headfirst over the edge!) so not sure whether to persist with trying that one.

I decided to pick him up from nursery early yesterday so we spent the afternoon together doing the supermarket shop, then we had a mammoth painting session - everytime he asked for a hug and it was safe to give one (ie not cooking etc) then he got one. He had his half hour of CBeebies earlier in the evening while I cooked tea, rather than after tea as he normally does.

Last night it only took 15 minutes for him to go to sleep, and he's just gone down for his lunchtime nap in 5 minutes! Miracle.

So will perservere with giving lots of hugs on demand, will try not to get too wound up, and hopefully things will keep improving.

IME, you need to either

1. have a good method of keeping him in bed long enough to go to sleep. I have found that story CDs worked for my DD. Once I could get her to actually LIE DOWN in her bed, by listening to the CD, she would then relax enough to fall asleep.
2. Go for the controlled crying. My DD tried every method of procrastination to put off bedtime and we would be up and down the stairs for hours when she went in her own bed. In the end, when I was sure in my own mind that there was no reason for her to be getting up (ie. she didn't need nappy change, she wasn't unwell etc) I explained to her that this was th elast time I was going to come up, and if she wanted to stand on the landing screaming for us, then she was going to be there a long time! Hard, I know, but it worked after a few nights of us not running up to her everytime she cried (we would go up when we felt she was getting very upset, and tuck her into bed quietly).

Not sure co-sleeping will be a good plan if you are TTC !

Re. the attention during the day. I think this is a phase. My DD was like this from 24-36mths, and has only started to entertain herself now she is 3. Not only would she cry if I wasn't in sight, but she would only play with her toys if I joined in!

DD still gets up sometimes in the night, but we have had some success with reward charts (e.g. sticker if you sleep all night).

Good luck!

sounds like a better day. You'll look back and go aww at all those cute cuddles when he's older and you get less of them