People who have lost a parent - how do you talk to your children about their missing grandparent?

[theyoungvisiter]

My DS1 (aged 3) has never met my mum, as she died a couple of years before he was born.

A few days ago we were looking through some albums and I came across a picture of my mum, and he said "who's that?" I explained that it was my mummy.

I wondered if he would ask where she was, but he didn't. However I think it's only a matter of time before he puts 2 and 2 together and realises that Daddy has a mummy, who is here, and Mummy's mummy isn't.

My mum was and is a very important part of my life, and I want to talk to my DC about her, and make her a real person to them. But I don't know how to go about this without introducing the idea that people's mummies can die and go away forever and never come back - I don't think they are ready for this.

I would be interested to know how other people deal with this? We are not religious which makes it harder - I can't say "she's in heaven" (or at least not without feeling a big hypocrite).

DH's dad died before I met him and I also had a grandad who died when my dad was 2. It never was a problem. Ds was always interested in his "other grandad" as he called him, and really surprised me one day when I asked him who he would like to go back in time to meet, expecting someone famous, he said "my other grandad".
So even if they have never met them they can still be quite real to them.

I don't ever remember them asking where their grandad was though.

Maybebaby this explains it better than I did. I found it especially useful when we came to the whole 'what happens to the body' bit. DD was quite upset when she found out that the 'lovely little tables and chairs' were in fact where people were buried . When I told her about the hand/glove she was fine and she was completely fine with my Dad being cremated. She didn't come to the funeral but when we had his ashes put into the ground with a small stone she came and she had a good look at the urn and was really happy about it all as she knew that it was the bit of Grandad that he didn't need any more.

Maybebaby

• had gone to live in heaven. She still gets upset and asks if he will come back. I tell her no, but that he can hear and see her so she can talk to him whenever she likes -

This is what we tell our DCs too. DS demonstrated it to DD 'you do it like this' [cups hands and calls upwards] 'Hello Granny, have you got any sweets?'

Sorry for theyoungvisiter and all those grieving.