Please, need advice before I throttle him!

[HKT]

My DS1 (9 in a couple of weeks) has always been quite moody, and will have disgusting stroppy outbreaks for no apparent reason. I did think that I dealt with it OK, and that it would pass, but it's getting worse.
When he's not in a mood, he is an absolute delight to be with, polite, helpful, funny etc., but when he is, he is rude, argumentative, will have noisy outbursts and will try to hurt his little DB and DS.
We did try reward charts, which didn't work at all because once he's in a mood, he doesn't care if he doesn't get whatever the reward was in the end, and threatening stuff doesn't seem to work, although we always carry it out.
Things are fairly crap at the moment at home. MIL is in hospital, as a result we hardly see DH. This hasn't affected the moods in any way - he isn't having more because of this, but it's affecting the way I deal with him. On Saturday I got so frustrated with him making life a misery for his siblings, and I ended up smacking him really hard on the bottom. I feel really, really bad about this, as it's not the way I want to bring up my children, also, how can I expect him to understand that smacking other people is not OK, when I've done just that to him?
Does anyone have any ideas how I can handle this better, or ideas of things to say to him, to help him realise that these moods aren't acceptible?
Please help, feeling awful about this

Could you write him a note saying just what you've said here? Maybe if he sees it rather than hearing it, it may help.

I really feel for you. We had this with our DS1 last year when he was 9 / 10 and ended up going to see a CAHMs counsellor about it. He was really moody a lot of the time to the extent that we'd never know whether he'd be in a bad temper or ok one when he woke up. He'd be aggressive towards me and DS2 nd fall out with friends at the drop of a hat.

By the time we got to see CAHMs the worst of it was over but they helped analyse the pattern of behaviour and put it down to stress which might sound strange for one so young but DS1 is a very busy child and there were pressures at school too. Hormones could also be a factor they pointed out.

We tried to be consistent in what we expected of him and if he went off on one of his outbursts gave him space to come out of it and then when he calmed down spoke to him about what caused it and what is / is not acceptable behaviour.

I don't know if that helps at all but be assured you're not on your own in this.

I like kreecher's idea. If you write down the stuff about your MIL and how you are feeling it won't seem as "loaded" as if you sat him down to explain it all.

I will just link you to this thread you will feel in company.

It seems to be a bad stage for both boys and girls when they get 8/9yo.

I probably should have said this in the OP, but we have recently found out he is partially dyslexic (long story, battles at old school - said he had no probs, was just a stubborn, lazy boy - changed school in January) So could the moodiness be somehow linked to this?
I like the letter idea, but reading is one of his triggers He does most of his reading with his teacher, so we don't have to have the inevitable battles at all with it. Should also add, at school he is well behaved, popular with the dc's and teachers - he just saves it all up for us at home!
It's good to know it's not just him that does this

Thanks gorionine

I have to go and get ready for work, but NikkiH - could you tell me how you got to see a CAHMS counsellor?

HKT - I am sorry you are having a rubbish time of it.

Went to our GP (without DS1) and explained the situation to her. She referred us. That was Nov last year and it was February / March before we got to see someone. By the time we did the worst of it was over with DS1 but it was really useful being able to sit down with someone and go through everything that had been happening and ask how he thought we ought to be dealing with things.