Why can't it all be easier?

[Alysm]

Just feeling really down, got a 2 year old and 3 weeker with reflux. I just really feel like I'm losing and giving ds1 a really hard time, because i had a section I can't pick him up, I've had to drag him by his arm a couple of times and feel terrible, and horrible for doing it but only way I can move him. Finding it really hard to keep my temper, and have really shouted a ds1, try to give him and ds2 as much time as possible but ds2 feeds constantly, then pukes. Ds1 has been a real handful, obviously upset about new one and hits him whenever he can. Can't even hit the vino as baby always feeding. Sorry to ramble, just want some advice/reassurance on when it gets better, I feel like a really rubbish mum

Aly this is about as hard as it can get so don't beat yourself up

All you can do at this stage, imho, is get as much help as possible. Three weeks after a section you are still healing and need rest.

Do you have anyone, friends or family, who you can get more help from?

We all do it, try to cope no matter what, but I really think the best thing you can do for you and your kids is to allow yourself to be needy for a bit and get as much help as you possibly can......

Woah, you just sent me back in time to when my two were that age. I could have written that post. I had a 2 year age gap and a newborn with terrible reflux - it was bloody hard going.

I was a horrible rat bag with poor DD (my eldest) as I was so knackered and overwhelmed. She was very violent with her little brother initially too, at this age it's hard for them to express their feelings so they do it physically.

If I could give you any advice it would be to do whatever it takes to make your life easier. Take up any offers of help, let your DH do the housework, let your eldest watch as much TV as they want and only enforce essential rules. Get a sling so you can hold the baby upright to ease the reflux whilst still doing stuff with your eldest. Has your littlest been given any medication for the reflux?

As for the hitting I found encouraging my DD to interact in a positive way with DS - letting her cuddle him loads, help me look after him etc - and giving her lots of praise for this. I ignored the hitting - basically I picked the baby and walked away with him. She quickly learnt that she got more attention from me when she was kind to the baby.

Most of all though be gentle on yourself. Don't beat yourself up about being a rubbish mum, think of all the loving/lovely things you do for your children on a daily basis, bet there's loads. Focus on that not the shouty moments.

It does get better, so much better. The reflux will ease and they'll be playmates quickly with such a small age gap.

Oh Alysym,I was in the same situation same ages.It is awful,exhausting and seems endless at the time but you will cope and get through it.Seek help from profs and family,and remember it doesn't lastforever and EVENTUALLY it will all work out.Mine are 5 and 3 now but those first few weeks/months were a real endurance test,and I still shudder when I look back,but it does improve and get easier in the end (Comradely hug).

Alysym, I am in the same boat, 2 yr old DD and a 3 month old DD. No family help nearby, and hubby working 18 hr days at the moment so no help there either.

Feel knackered the whole time, and DD1 can have me yelling and feeling crap within 10 mins of her waking up in the morning.

DD1 is doing things like tipping her food on the floor, pulling poor DD2s hair when she's feeding, deliberately scaring her by screaming really loudly/high-pitched etc.

I have found it easier to not shout and tell her off for these things, but instead I just do what I have to to stop the situation. E.g. take her food away the second I think she is full and starts to think about messing around with it, or when she tips her milk on the floor deliberately, I don't say anything at all to her, just wipe it all up and say 'Mummy is sad now', and nothing more. If she hits DD2 I pick up DD2 and move her away.

I find it more stressful to shout at her, or explain things (she understands completely but does it anyway), and better to heap loads of praise on her any time she is good.

It is crap though, and completely knackering. You have my empathy and sympathy. We just have to remember there are plenty of mums going through exactly the same thing, to moan with share tips and experiences with, and it will, one day, get easier so they tell me, it better bloody well do.

Ah, thank you, do feel better already just knowing how miserable everyone else is/has been!!! Thanks for tip about taking baby away when being hit, as was clutching at straws about how to deal with ds1. I'm certain I'll look back in a year or two and miss them being so little, maybe. thanks again