Did anyone find baby 2 - and having two DC - easier than having one?

[Gateau]

Looking back, I struggled when DS1 was a baby, for no particular reason other than not knowing what I was doing half the time and being neurotic about just about everything!
With DC2 due in just over three weeks I'm obviously wondering - and worrying - what coping with two will be like. I was hoping I would be a bit more chilled with the baby thing, having been there already.
However having just read the thread entitled "things are much harder with no 2' my worries are now exacerbated!
DS1 will be 2.6 when his baby brother or sister arrives.

Thank you everyone for replying. Some really frank, helpful comments here. And some very reassuring ones!
I am very excited, but also nervous. But I'm not the first person to have two DC and survivied it!
Leningrad: the no 2 being harder thread is in this section - a bit further down.

I guess it depends on your baby to a degree.

DS1 was really a very easy baby so I thought the transition to 2 would be easy but DS2 was a nightmare baby.

There are 21 months between ds's and I found it really hard TBH. DS2 was a very fretful baby and wouldn't settle to sleep at all in the daytime. This made giving enough time to DS1 really hard and he found having a new baby around quite tough.

Things got easier though.

Gateau I was just like you with DS1 as a baby. I had zero knowledge or experience of babies and the whole thing was very difficult.
With DS2 it was so different. I acually enjoyed him as a baby instead of being in a constant state of fear and anxiety. However , I did post on the other thread that it is very , very hard in that first year of the second baby. This is purely from a physical point of view, lack of sleep and coping with a toddler as well as a baby, double nappies etc.
But the babyside of things ---easier second time round because you have more confidence in your own judgement and you know how to handle a baby.

i found two easier- that is it was much less boring, and the days jst fell into a rhythmn straight away, didn't feel so lost as i did with DD.

i am looking forwards to them playing together as all their little bits of play currently need very close watching (dd tickles DS, he giggles...sh does it again more briskly...then hits him...from nice to naughty in under 5 seconds..)

that said, every day i feel knackered by 9pm (but then stay up another 2 hours to MN anyway)

if you click on the pointy ginger mum in the screen box you'll get an idea of this kind of thing (no! POOOR Baby...awww...now stroke baby..etc etc)

I'm still gunning for a third in the hope that'll be even more fun

Thank you, inthesticksa. Your post kind of sums up what I EXPECT it to be like. But I could of course be wrong! More laid back in some ways, but harder work, if that makes sense!

15 months between my DDs. It is harder, but more fun. And I get BREAKS when they play together!! Try and get the baby to nap when the eldest naps once it is old enough (I know, easier said than done...) because otherwise it can be a bit relentless with them taking it in turns to sleep. Mine seem to have started setting each other off yawning now and they always sleep at the same times.

I much prefer having two ds's. It was physically harder work at first, but more enjoyable right from the beginning - I'd had the new-mum stress with ds1 and felt I could enjoy ds2's babyhood more, because I was more experienced and confident (and ds1 had had a few problems in the early months, so it was more stressful with him, anyway, for that reason). Also, having two ds's meant I didn't focus so much on the problems, as there just isn't the time to stress about two the way there is to stress about only one! They are also only 19 months apart, so no problems with jealousy as ds1 was just too young to really suffer from this the way older children can, and they are now fantastic friends - sometimes to the exclusion of other children... This means that they are now less work than an only child would be, in my opinion.

What rabbitstew said.
I also remember that when DS1 cried as a baby I would swoop immediately towards him.
DS2 had competition from his 2 year old brother.
Often when the baby cried I was too involved with the toddler to go to him straight away.( Two year olds scream louder and can chase after you).
I would find that many times when I finally got to the baby .... he'd dropped off to sleep with no help or hindrence from me.

What nigglewiggle said

I enjoyed DS2s babyhood much more, but the logistics of dealing with a baby and toddler take some getting used to .... (DS1 was very put out about the arrival of the baby.

BUT I am so glad I have 2 beautiful boys

Best of luck to you

P.S. my age gap was 2.7, and whilst it is a difficult time for the toddler, now I think it's a great age gap, as the second one has caught up with the first and they are pals.

OP I agree with what you said about being more chilled with the baby. My abiding memory of DS1s babyhood was me thinking "I don't know what I'm doing"

Definitely love having 2 rather than one much to my surprise. Had thought of sticking at one at times as DD was a very difficult baby. DS now 6 months old and a delight during the day, naps easily, eats solids (DD didn't), BFs every 4 hours. DD nearly 3 just ignores him most of the time. However he has only slept through once and wakes up 2/3 times a night and wakes early for the day. I'm exhausted beyond what I could imagine but I know I am very lucky to have two children so late in life, many of my friends are unhappily childless.

IMO key is to get the toddler if over 2 into pre-school a few morningsa week. DD goes to pre-school during the mornings, DS sleeps 2 hours at least during the afternoon providing me with one-on-one time with my toddler, but no nap for me!

I have found having two children far easier than one. Parenting is an art rather than a science and it helps that I KNOW what I THINK. I don't take an sh!t from anyone and I have the confidence to know that I am right.

My son was very challenging. He had reflux, problems learning to walk and glue ear. He was also (not surprisingly) a very needy baby.

My daughter's development has followed the textbooks (up to date). She is a very chilled out baby and hardly ever cries. I don't know if that is me being more relaxed or her just being a bit more easy going.

I find it sad how little support there is available for second/third/... tenth time mums. I am really worried about my neighbour who has three children under three and half. She looks so washed out and unhappy. Sadly having a health visitor is no longer universal.

I've found being mum to a newborn way easier second time around, and haven't found having two harder at all, really. When I was pregnant, people kept saying 'oooh, the leap from one to two is very hard', but imo, nothing is as hard as the leap from none to one .

There is a 3 yr age gap between my two, which I do think has made it slightly easier. I have friends with two under 2 yrs old and they have found it much more labour intensive/exhausting.

I also had a high maintenance first baby - hardly slept, fussy eater, boisterous toddler - etc. Second baby is nearly one and is a dream - sleeps well, east well, smiley and chilled out. Luck, or the fact that I was about ten million times more relaxed this time? 'You deciiiide'

One last thing - the main downside for us has been my older child's jealousy and feelings of being pushed out, despite our best efforts and following all the textbook advice about making your firstborn feel included. He is only really coming to terms with not being an only a year on.

Can I recommend a book? Three shoes, one sock and no hairbrush by Rebecca Abrams.

It talks about the experience of having a second child and makes the poitn that most parenting books seem to to assume that the baby is an only child.

Some people think it's a bit negative, but it helped me think through some issues that I'd never considered and also to understand what was happening with DC1's behanviour.

Piprabbit, someone gave me that book and I was quite worried about how I'd cope with a second child in terms of loving it as much as my first and how my ds would cope. I started reading it and found it upsetting tbh! I really wanted reassurance. In hindsight I can see how it does give a realistic picture of things but it wasn't right for me in advance.

I had exactly the same concerns, with a 3 year age gap. DS2 is now 7 months.

DS2 is a MUCH easier baby than DS1. Probably because he has to be. He is left to his own devices much more, often has to wait to be fed, picked up etc. Also he is far more cheerful and beams at everyone he meets. He really is a lovely little baggage.

I also felt very nervous that I couldn't possibly love another as much as DS1. However you do and in a very different way which makes it special. DS2 feels far more like my baby than DS1 ever did. I'm far more confident with him, spend less time fretting and the rest of the family are so wrapped up in DS1, taking him to the park, playing games etc that quite often it feels like it's just me and DS2. DH has certainly had less to do with him, just because it's easier if he deals with the older one. Second children get overlooked by the outside world as the novelty has worn off somewhat and I think I overcompensate for this with my feelings towards him.

On the downside, I don't think things fell into place until 3 or 4 months. Bedtimes were difficult as DS1's attention seeking battles coincided with DS2 wanting to cluster feed. There as certainly a lot of trial and error. I also felt sorry for DS1 as I suddenly expected so much more of him. He suddenly seemed so big, all long arms and flailing legs, and I had to remind myself that he was still a baby himself really.

As Rhinestone said, the most wonderful thing is the 2 of them together. DS2 laughs hardest when DS1 is entertaining them and gazes at him with genuine admiration and awe.

Long may it continue.

Good

Must admit corriefan - it doesn't pull any punches.

but I found it reassuring that I wasn't a freak to be finding things tough.

God no. Baby no 2 was definitely easier, but the combination was harder! I think possibly parenting later on with 2 is easier in some ways (or not twice as hard anyway), as they do entertain each other, but you still have two individuals to worry about, help with homework, buy clothes for etc etc

I found things much harder for the first year or so, but then they got a lot easier.

I've found having two easier than one.

Almost exactly a two year gap. DD (1 now) still doesn't sleep through the night but then DS (3) only started sleeping through about 3 months ago so we're very used to sleep deprivation and have already adjusted out lives (early nights/shared lie-ins) for it.

The play with each other now. DD started walking at 10 months which amde things easier as can now do joint park trips without her in the pushchair all the time.

I think that DS' sleep was so terrible that it helped with the arrival of DD in a funny way and also (like someone said earlier) we don't try to have grown up lives at the moment, we've given in as it were, which makes it easier than struggling to do everthing when we only had one.

HTH

yes, that does help, Skimty. Thanks
DS(2.5) isn't the best sleeper either so it's not like we're going to get a shock with the nightly wake-ups!

I did find it easier to begin with but we do have issues of personal space to contend with now.

DS2 is now 3, he enjoys to wrestle and plays extremely roughly with his teenage brother. Unfortunately he's not getting that he cannot wrestle his 9month old brother in the same way. The ensuing tears and snot are sometimes difficult to deal with and making 121 time with them each is the only way that I can cope with it atm. Hopefully it's just a phase tho and since #3 is growing far more quickly than #2 I'm sure he'll give his brother a whack very soon.

Enjoy your time with #2 as a baby and good luck with the birth.

X

By the way, I would say, if there is any way you can possibly get/afford it, get help for the first month or two, especially in the evenings - IMO that is the hardest part of going from 1 to 2, when everyone (esp you) is tired, wanting attention and needing to be fed, bathed, settled. Make sure DH is home, or a grandparent around or get a mothers help. An extra pair of hands to help with DC's and house stuff will make a huge difference to your sanity and stress levels!