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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

left work after 20 years in profession to be Mum at home

23 replies

samsysoo · 27/09/2009 20:54

I am writing this to help support any other Mums wondering whether to give up work and be stay at home MUm.
I have been in the top level of my career and worked part time for the last 7 whilst having two children. My youngest is a toddler and I got sick of trying to manage my home/children/relationship and me. So I am fortunate enough to be able to quit. We will be broke and no doubt I am going to be very scared having nose dived my career after all this time.but I don't care. Right now I only wish I had done it earlier. It is too hard to do it all and I actually feel braver to drop of the work cliff than anything. I now have a better relationship with all my family and am becoming more sane daily. Even been painting my nails and cooking decent food sometimes. I am reviving the kind and generous parts of me and remembering who I really am apart from stressed out Mum.
If you are in this dilemma.I can only recommend it but I am not you obviously. I just wanted to say that the water is lovely if you fancy diving in.!!!I am so grateful.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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opinionatedmother · 27/09/2009 22:22

nice psot Samsysoo

LilianGish · 27/09/2009 22:34

Go for it! You can always get another job - you can never get this time back with your family.

Gateau · 28/09/2009 14:34

That's a really nice post, OP. Positive amid so many negative comments from women who have becoming SAHMs. I'm expecting my second DC next month and - at this point - think I would like to be a SAHM (I currently work 3 days a week). Don't think we could afford it, though. That said, if I want it enough, I'm sure cutbacks could be made!
All the best to you in your new role.

llareggub · 28/09/2009 14:40

I am pondering this at the moment; I am currently on maternity leave with DS2. I'm very busy and not quite sure how I'll fit in my paid, part-time work.

Thanks for posting samysoo. I still have some thinking to do.

inthesticks · 28/09/2009 15:13

Good for you samysoo.
When mine were born I could have afforded to give up work but I didn't. I worked part time and struggled with nurseries etc. I was an older mum and remembered the days when there was no choice but to give up work when you had children. It seemed somehow wrong not to take advantage of the family friendly ,flexible working policies on offer to me.

They are now 11 and 13 and I have "downsized" my working life to a 10 hours a week mundane and undemanding job. In some ways they need a parent at home just as much now as when they were babies.

I so wish I had given up work when they were babies as it's too late now and the time passes so quickly.

Littleover · 02/10/2009 22:59

I handed in my notice 10 months into maternity leave as I was pregnant again and am not sure when to go back if at all anytime soon. I was offered a part time role with a promotion as our manager was retiring but I would be off before I had time to retrain! I couldn't do it to them, they were a small firm and it didn't make sense. I whinge about being bored and having no money but I don't regret it. My mum was at home and even now I remember how I loved it, not that I knew any different.

I also knew that I couldn't do all the juggling. If I do anything it will be an evening/Sunday job. Or ironing - I quite like that. Shoot me now!!

labyrinthine · 03/10/2009 10:57

samsysoo have just done this in reverse!

Left a difficult long hours job 17 years ago to look after the dcs and now am attempting to get back in!

I do not regret what I did there weren't many options at the time but do regret that it is now so hard to feel confident and competent again.

CantThinkofFunnyName · 03/10/2009 11:01

Samsysoo - I did the same thing back in January! A 20 year profession, top of my career and jacked it all in because basically I'd had enough and craved some time with my kids before it was too late. A couple of months down the line I found myself unexpectedly pg with my 3rd! This one I am determined I will be at home for - its going to be quite a different experience but one I'm really looking forward to now.

WonderBundlesMommy · 03/10/2009 17:17

Me too samsysoo! Walked away from my top level exec career after we'd been TTC for years and it was suggested that it was a stress thing....we conceived a month after I quit! Best decision ever, though I also described it as walking off the edge of a cliff, and received zero support from family/friends/coworkers. Broke - yes, very - but our life is so much better. SO great of you to post!

tryingherbest · 03/10/2009 17:51

wonderbunnies - exactly the same position but it took over a year and a very drunken holiday to cape town to do the trick.

I've have to downgrade work expectations due to my age, having jacked in work, and like others - felt I should get a job - any job a few months before turning 40. Did all that too - as a first time and only time mum I didn't know how I'd feel - I know now - I've jacked in work again - we're all happier but much poorer and who knows what kind of work I might get in the future should I need it.

My view is this - hey - I'm one person - I can't do everything I feel I should do and stay sane and healthy - so I do what I need to do right now.

I'm happy.

Glad you guys are doing what you want to do.

WonderBundlesMommy · 03/10/2009 19:47

Tryingherbest - for your holiday!

Similar concerns in the event that I ever had to look for something in the future for sure. It would not be easy at this point.

But like you, I'm happy. Glad you all are too...

Sakura · 06/10/2009 08:16

I think thats great.
My friend has 6 kids and has worked full time at her career since the first was 18 months. When she had her youngest (now 3) she went to part time and sent me a mail saying it felt like shed been sleeping and had only just woken up. She really regrets not doing it sooner. My mother worked very full time-all day, most evenings and weekends too. We have no relationship to speak of at all now. NOt sayin that will always be the case, of course not,(there were many other factors invovled) but it definitely influenced my choices. Im 28 and have been a SAHM for 3 years. WHat I have found is that its not as "limiting" as you first expect. I don`T really consider my identity as being a SAHM because I do so much. I realised I enjoyed writing- something I never thought about before and would never have thought about if I was working and I recently did well in a writing competition. I also have had time to learn a new language and an option for me is to look at taking a translation course. I have had the time to discover things about myself that I never would have noticed if I had been on the treadmill. The downside is though, that you are a lot poorer!

woodforthetrees · 06/10/2009 08:31

samysoo, after a night of DD of 8.5 months babbling through the night keeping us all awake, DS waking at 6am wanting a wee, me having been awake since 4am, DH having taken all the hot water last night for a bath so a cold shower and no hairwash (nice!) and then it pissing with rain, getting two kids dressed and ready for nursery, bundling them in the car, arguing with DS to get his shoes on, DD being sick on her fleece, getting buggy out of car, putting rain cover, getting two kids in to buggy and walking 10 mins to nursery in the rain and then DS hugging my leg screaming for me not to go...it's now only 8.32 and I'm sitting at my desk in a miserable environment wondering what happened to my so called "career" that I worked so hard for......Your post has brought a little tear to my eye and I am soooo glad you made that move. I wish I could be braver but I'll be damned if I leave this door without them paying me off first !!!

JumpingJellyfish · 06/10/2009 12:47

A lovely post samsysoo and hope you continue to feel this way. I am teetering at the brink of becoming a SAHM- I have juggled a career, studying (both part-time- but often involving lots of unpaid hours at computer in eves) since DC1 was 6 months old- he started school last month. I'm now expecting DC3 in next couple of months and will be starting yet another bout of maternity leave though my existing contract will expire while I'm off so I will have to look for more work again. We could manage just about financially without me working, if we're very careful, which I think we can be, and to be honest I really just want a slightly simpler life. I love my career but feel so often torn between somehow managing things at home, the DCs needs (especially in a way since DS has started school) and keeping up with the work that I am mentally exhausted and feel the time has come to commit myself to being at home with the DCs for a while. I can't wait but feel nervous too- my colleagues all expect me to come back within a year as could probably chase funding to get more work, but I just don't feel I want to anymore. Your post makes me realise for the moment I need to "let go" of work and give being a SAHM a good chance

cathess · 06/10/2009 12:50

Samysoo, I'm glad you feel the way you do. I gave up work after 15yrs when pregnant with 1st. that was 4yrs ago, i now have 2 and i'm finding it difficult. I think for me I have a big guilt factor in going back to work, i feel like someone else would be bringing up my children, although i don't seem to be doing a great job at the moment, anyhoo good luck with it all, like you say you never get these years back, i don't regret anything just finding it ever so difficult tight now, cheers

juuule · 06/10/2009 12:59

Lovely post, Samsysoo.

llareggub · 07/10/2009 09:21

I've decided to go for it too. I wouldn't go as far as saying that it is down to this thread, but it has helped to know others feel the same.

PoisonToadstool · 07/10/2009 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blackduck · 07/10/2009 12:07

I think I might have done it by stealth and am in a horrible transition stage....I left perm job last feb (last year) and have freelanced on and off, but since May this year it has been off, and I am really wondering if I want to go back at all. However, for me, work was/is the thing I defined myself by and I am finding it really hard.....but good for those of you for whom it is the right decision....
llareggub - can I have your job??

nouveaupauvre · 10/10/2009 21:34

i am just about to jump off the same cliff so was really relieved to read this -am not planning to be total sahm but to go (very) pt and freelance.
just sick of feeling that we are always coping by the skin of our teeth, with two fulltime jobs and nobody ever having time to do the little stuff (and sometimes frankly the big stuff) that makes home and family work.
am nervous that i will miss the status of a big job (and know i'll miss the money) and apprehensive about feeling isolated, but i won;t miss the constantly frazzled feeling. am pretty sure my marriage will benefit as well, oldfashioned as that sounds, from me having a bit more time for dh as well as ds. thanks all of you.

Original poster

samsysoo · 12/10/2009 11:32

Thank you so much for all your lovely support.I am still loving it. I can only describe the feeling as one of 'being let out of prison'(I imagine), the world feels new and fresh, everyday I am grateful for the new found freedom. For those that want to work.fantastic.those that don't .you'll do what you have to.
It still feels great.no doubt in 6 mths time I'll be scared and bored too.but hey this initial euphoria is worth every moment of distant problems!
I so love my hubby more for supporting this move even though he is scared of the additional responsibility.
Thanks evey one........good luck with your decisions!
PS anyone lend me a fiver!!

OP posts:

LeninGhoul · 12/10/2009 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyraSilvertongue · 12/10/2009 13:03

This is a really nice thread.
I never thought I'd be able to handle working full time once I'd had children so I didn't even try. Besides, once DS1 was here I couldn't imagine leaving him five days a week. I now work just one day a week and that's enough for me. The children are at school and I'm spending a lot of time renovating our house (we bought a doer-upper last year) and doing the things I want to do as well as keeping the chores under control.
I do think too many women feel pressured to go back to work after having children, regret it an then feel they can't jack it in as they will look like a failure or can't do without the money.
Well, life's too short, I say. Do what you have to do to be happy.

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