20 month DD behaviour getting worse and am pregnant.

[pamelat]

Hello all, I am sorry for sounding like a broken record. I seem to post on here every once every 3 months moan describe my daughters highly strung behaviour, be consoled by other mums with similar toddlers and then it all gets a bit too much for me again

Am currently 7 weeks pregnant (planned and very excited, if daunting) and feel I dont curently have the energy for her antics.

My latest moan worry is more about how bad she is with other people, rather than me.

She is very energetic (as am sure all 20 months are), very confident, independent, quite vocally advanced (compared to other toddlers I know) and she knows her own mind.

Nursery tell me that she is fine (she goes 3 days a week and has done since about 15 months old). They say she is a "leader" and a "character"

That is all well and good.

Her relationship with her dad (my DH) seems to be becoming progressively worse. Its really sad as from 13 months to 15 months (he was out of work) and he looked after her aand she adored him. He now works full time but is a hands on dad, gets up 6 out of the 7 mornings with her, usually does bed time but she screams for "mummmmeeeeeeeeeeeee".

Its really wearing me down

Take this morning as an example. Saturday is meant to be my proper lie in morning. She woke at 640 (thats quite late for her really) and DH got up. By 7am I could hear her screaming at him downstairs. By 720am I cant bear it any longer so I get up (feel quite headachey/sick in the mornings at the moment with the pregnancy - only 7 weeks).

She had thrown all of her cereal (intentionally) around the room. I asked DH what had happened and I think that he had given it to her at her little table (and he is the morning expert with her really) and gone to empty the dishwasher. Now I know that the little monkey was simply a bit cross with his lack of attention but surely she should be able to stand 5 minutes by herself with her favourite cereal before vandalising our lounge?! (Its on the market as well and we had viewings this morning, all adds to the stress).

So I am up and her behaviour calms down instantly but only because I give her constant attention, mainly talking to her.

I just wonder whether I am making things worse by providing this endless attention? And thats why she gets cross with everyone else, nursery excluded for some reason.

We tried to take her to the park and her latest is simply refusing (kicking and screaming) to get in to the car seat. This is despite calming trying to explain the end ooutcome of the park.

It all just feels like such hard work. And I do worry about her total disregard for anything that "daddy" asks her to do. As I am sure he does. It ended up in us having a row .

Thank you. Out of our antenatal group (16 of us) I would say only other other child is as "bad" as my DD. The others all seem to be a bit calmer.

We don't have a kitchen diner. Just a lounge, formal dining room and small kitchen. Formal dining area is carpeted, she can not go in there
One of the reasons we need to move is for a kitchen diner.

She wont sit in her high chair and hasn't for 3 or 4 months. Just at her "picnic" table.

Its hard to know where to put your foot down (and inevitably bring on full blown tantrum, even for minor things). Some things no longer seem important, ie which chair she sits in, at least shes in a chair. Thats a small battle in itself.

The only thing we are properly "strict" on is nap times, and thats for my own sanity.

Hi pamelat,

I also have a 20 month old (and a 3yo) and am also pg so you have my complete sympathy. However, although unbelievably frustrating though it can be, your DD's behaviour sounds entirely normal. My DS regularly chucks his food on the floor, screams, shouts, won't get into his pushchair etc etc. It is wearing but it is just part of their development it really does pass. My DS also has a total preference for me and always calls/cries for me when DH does any thing with him (which I actually quite like because I know he'll be skulking around trying to avoid me before I know it).

They are just too young to understand things like 'if I get into my carseat quietly, that means we'll get to the park sooner and that will be great' - but honestly honestly it will get easier. It is hard when you are pg (although great your DH gives you so many lie-ins !) but atm I would just focus on that 12 week mark when you start to feel a bit better, and remember the mantra 'this too shall pass' Good luck!

Thank you. DD is definately a mummys girl (I took 13 months off with her on maternity leave which may have influenced that? or maybe we will switch to daddy soon) I find it cute but incredibly tiring as its always mummy mummy mummy. "Mummy read it, mummy sit knee" etc and if I dare suggest that maybe "daddy could read it", I get shouted at.

She seems to think daddy is ok for really fun things like being thrown around or dunked at the swimming pool (which I won't do). Its just such a steretypical role, and I think he would like to share some of the other bits with her.

Thanks again. Did once try to use gentle force to put in her car seat but genuinely could not. She is so strong and I obviously don't want to hurt her.

We ended up not going to the park, as she would simply not sit down and obviously not going to drive without her strapped in. And then the madam didnt want to get out of the car. The whole process took a good 45 minutes, which is a shame for everyone on a Saturday morning.

Without exagerrating, the only thing she seems to take any notice of is cars in car parks, she will actually quite anxious about "car coming" and let me pick her up. One good thing I guess.

pamelat - for the car seat thing, I blow rasperries on DS's tummy which makes him laugh and relax his torso and then like lightening I am in there and buckle him up before he knows what's happened! Might work for you?

FWIW I don't think your DD's preference for you is necessarily down to you taking lots of ML - my DH looked after mine more when they were babies and they both have a massive preference for me. Like you i sort of like it (wouldn't like it the other way round) but it is utterly exhausting when you want 5 mins break (especially when pg)

another tip for gentle force into car seat:

when they are screaming and arching their back, they run out of breath, right- so you wait for the second when they have to relax their stomach muscles to draw in breath, push stomach down, buckle seat belt- job done!

voice of experience speaking

have had to man handle her 5 times in to the car seat today, have bruises from the other day from her kicking pick about it.

Have given up trying to reason as it has never worked. Am hoping she just stops this soon?????

Tried raspberries, no success I'm afraid. Shes a determined strong little girl.

Pamelat I write to you everytime you post cos so much of what you say sounds sooo familiar!!! DS is now 2.2 and majorly chilled compared to how he was (though still the first to be up from the snack table at tddler group and the one whinging when it's time to leave etc etc!) He has endless energy and just wants to play and be on the move all the time. Your dd sounds so similar.

Mu ds hated the carseat (as I am sure you know, we talked before about trying to distract them as babies in the car seat!) being confined into a chair for any length of time was seriously boring and made him cry everytime til he was about 20 months, then he'd still scream when ever we put him in it but would often (not always) calm down so we could actually go somewhere!

The food throwing thing sounds completely normal, it probably just seems really extra irritating with the pregnancy and the house being on the market. Most toddlers want constant interaction and attention and I know if I leave my ds unsupervised whilst eating 50% of the time it will be all over the floor.

I don't think you are making things worse by giving her constant attention, I mean think what she'd be like if she didn't have all that attention and interaction she obviously needs. My ds never stops clowing around (esoecially at meal times grrrr ) wanting me to talk to him, laugh at him and so on.

If dh gets up with him in the morning usually within 45 minutes he's crying and screaming over something, not that dh does anything different to me really but he just knows that mummy is upstairs and he thinks it's about time I was up and talking to him. Again, it's normal.

I can relate to the reasoning and distracting not working. If I try to d othat to my ds he just gets more angry as if I am not taking his point of view seriously enough! I just basically leave him to it and I have to say (touch wood) he is not really a big tantrummer or a big cryer now. We seem to have had the terrible 2's early and he just gets better and better the more he understands. (I may regret saying that in a few months if it all turns pear shaped so watch this space! lol)

I do sympathise though, my ds is a very determined character. Very chatty and adorable but you don't want to get on the wrong side of him lol. All I can say is keep doing what you're doing and it will get easier when you don't feel quite so rough in the mornings and she will grow out of it!