Pre school problems with 2.4 DD

[Jan2]

Hi
I could type for hours about this! - but will TRY and keep it as brief as poss. My DD has always been VERY sensitive and we have never even been able to leave her with grandparents until recently as it didn't seem fair leaving her screaming etc as she was so upset. I gave up work and myself and DH have always taken care of her.
She has over the past few months really improved and a few weeks ago we were able to leave her for a couple of hours with her grandparents and she actually enjoyed it!

We go to a lot of groups and again her confidence has been improving.

I decided to try her at pre school as we talked about it and read lots of books about school and she said she wanted to go.

She started at pre school 2 weeks ago for 2 mornings a week. The first week was brilliant and she enjoyed it and coped really well. Then on the second week something changed and she didn't want to go. I dropped her off and the staff phoned me to collect her as she was so upset. On the second session that week I went in and stayed with her as she wouldn't go in unless I said that I wouldn't 'drop her off/leave her'.

Since the problems at pre school, she has been really clingy and wingey and doesn't seem to enjoy the groups she used to enjoy and at the weekend cried hysterically when we went to drop her off at grandma's house for an hour - she had asked if she could go to play at grandma's and then started crying when we got there saying 'don't say bye don't drop me off'. We went in with her.

I have spoken with the pre school this morning and they suggest that I take her again this week, settle her for 5 mins and then leave for a maximum of 15 mins and then return. And then gradually build up from that.

I am in two minds as to what to do - she was 2 in May and so we are paying for the sessions and I'm feeling that maybe if we'd left it until this time next year when she'll be three (and the sessions free) she would be better able to deal with the separation issues.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Speaking from a nursery point of view, sometimes children can do really well the first day or first week, in their minds its like oh that was fun i'm glad mummy took me there, and then reality sets in the next time they aren't so sure, and all their fears are realised and they get really upset at being left. This is prob what happened, and you said she is quite sensistive.

Its really up to you what you do from here, what the nursery suggest is what i would suggest if you really want her to settle, but if you don't mind either way you could pull her out, and carrying on going to your groups and e.t.c and leaving with grand parents when she settles again. If you do pull her out though i would def leave it a long time before you try again, as it will end up very confusing for her

good luck on whatever you decide

Thanks for that. It's good to know that what they've suggested is probably the best way forward. I do really want her to settle and to gain more independence so we're going to do as they've suggested and see how things go.

If it doesn't seem to be improving or she gets any worse we will re think things and if we did pull her out it would be this time next year before we tried again.

I don't suppose you can advise on how long it usually takes for this kind of gradual settling in to take?

Many Thanks.

I would leave it for now-she's still very young and as you're a sahm you have the option.
Mine didn't start til after their 3rd birthday and at 4 still don't want to be left anywhere but preschool. One twin happily goes with grandparents, other only goes under duress if I have a can't miss appointment. I can't see the point in pushing it-I'm sure she'll be happy to leave my side when she's 15!

Well the longest i've known a child to settle was a term, and i work at a uni so thats around 13 weeks, he did 4 days but he was a baby and problems with feeding and such so that made it harder. Don't want to scare you

Children that are more clingy to parents do tend to take longer to settle and with only doing two sessions a week it may take a little longer, i would have thought your looking at a month, or more, but each child is different and you should be prepared for the worst.

Try and be really positive e.g. talking about all the different things that she might do there, who her friends are, or maybe something special like a top she gets to wear to nursery, you could give her something like a muslin that smells of you that she can keep as a comfort, to take with her.

When you leave her make sure you say mummy has to go now while you stay and have lots of fun, try and get her engaged in an activity, preferable with an carer, never ever say, i'm just going to the toliet or i'm just popping to the car e.t.c as she'll just start fearing every time you go to the toliet you'll be gone for hours.

I'm sure she will settle, and a good indicatior of this is, is that you left her at twice their and she was fine, so she can do it.

Many thanks again for the advice. We're not going to push things. I'm going to see how she goes this week with me just nipping out for 15 mins and then have another chat to the staff about it at the end of the week and take it from there.