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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Anger overload in 7 year old ds1

18 replies

iMum · 15/09/2009 16:47

Anyone here got any experience of this? I dont want to go into it to much but he is 99% of the time a wonderful boy caring and funny but he has rages that leave me despairing, he tlks about wanting to die and becomes violent and agressive.

We are waiting on a referral to a child phsyiciatrist but need help now dealing with him.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 15/09/2009 16:51

Hello...I've been there.

What trigger his rages?

Original poster

iMum · 15/09/2009 16:52

Oh can be anything really, But usualy limit setting and or embarresment

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 15/09/2009 16:57

Hmm...sounds familiar.

I think boys af this age have more testosterone than we realise, and the world can be very frustrating for them.

How is he in school?

Countingthegreyhairs · 15/09/2009 17:00

Anger can be caused by anxiety ie flight or fight (in this case he has chosen the latter)

Is there anything bothering him particularly at the moment?

[Am no expert btw - dd has her explosive moments - particularly with regard to limit setting]

Original poster

iMum · 15/09/2009 17:04

He is doing well at school-a bright boy and very able, enthusistic with maths particularly. He is liked in class but has no "best friend"
This mornings rage was set off because I would let him watch a dvd this morning but siad he could tomorrow if he was good today (banned from tv for today due to a rage last night) this set him off and left me having to man handle him into his uniform, forcibly brush his teeth and then his grand dad (who takes him to school ) had to carry him down the path and put him in the car.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 15/09/2009 17:04

Countingthegreyhairs is quite right.

With my son it was always anxiety with was his trigger...not helped by us moving house, etc.

I have to dish up tea now, but will post more later.

Original poster

iMum · 15/09/2009 17:08

wouldnt let him watch it rather!

OP posts:

NormaSnorks · 15/09/2009 17:15

Sounds VVVV normal (and I say as a mother of two boys 10 & 7)

I think it's what I call 'back to school-itis'. The pressure of having to be calm, sit still and concentrate is really hard on boys. Mine seem to explode out of school like missiles and vent/ crash/ bang/ shout.

DS2's trigger is pressure from us to do something he doesn't want to do e.g. go out to school/ stop playing on DS/ go to swimming etc.

LynetteScavo · 15/09/2009 17:35

Well, it sounds like you are doing everything right. (personally I would have weakend and not brushed his teeth, also I wouldn't carry punishments over from one day to the next at that age, but you know your parenting style, and your DS best)

Are you waiting for a refereal to a private child phsyiciatrist/psychologist or to Child and Adolecent Mental Health?

Countingthegreyhairs · 15/09/2009 18:12

Agree with LynetteS about carrying punishments over from one day until next - I tried this with recently with dd and it failed miserably!! My only sanction with dd is to withdraw 'emotionally' for 5 -10 mins or so but am not sure if this is right or not as don't want to think I don't love her if she misbehaves (as opposed to not loving her behaviour iyswim).

This morning's rage sounds absolutely normal to me - and it sounds as if you did everything right to handle it -

The bit about wanting to die more of a concern although at this age dc - particularly if bright like your lad - can be very much attuned to saying things that hit us where it hurts. Sounds more like anxiety than rage anyway.

Sorry for impertinent question but how are things at home? Are they generally calm or pressurised? I only ask because dd has definitely inherited some of her explosive traits from me [shouty mummy emoticon] and I have recently realised that her "barometer-like" mood swings/anxieties are tied in uncomfortably close to mine.

The sainted Dr Tanya Byron's latest book "Your child, your way" (something like that anyway) is good and not at all blanket solution or quick-fixish (especially last 'general' section). I've found it helpful anyway.

plus3 · 15/09/2009 18:22

will watch with interest as DS (5) is also having huge problems with 'back to schoolitis'..today he hit 2 children and bit a 3rd - the biting is completely new

When trying to talk to him, he can also say things like 'ohh just chop my head off' but think that in the past I have reacted badly to this, so maybe he is saying it to get a reaction from me again ???

Things have been alttle difficult at home - I have been unwell, and DD (3) has being having some major tantrums. Am hoping that he will settle down, he doesn't do change well.

hayleylou30 · 09/03/2010 17:18

hi sounds like a mirror image of my son.. i am going thru an awful time with him just now and after doing alot of research i am pretty sure i dealing with anger overload.. not sure how to deal with it but i am awaiting to hear back from all different agencies to help me out..

drdavegot · 05/12/2011 19:22

I am a psychologist and have written articles, a blog, and book about anger overload. Feel free to read my blog and e-mail me questions if you want. Access the blog from this site yourdefiantchild.com. The key is to figure out the underlying cause of your child's anger. Then you can choose the correct strategy.

supposedtobethinking · 05/12/2011 20:47

I am relieved to hear of others with similar problems with their ds's. DH and I were beginning to really worry about our ds and his anger issues

Interested in anxiety being suggested as a trigger - haven't thought about ds as an anxious child but he does struggle a lot at school despite being quite bright (IMO anyway!).

He seems to be ok during the week and then a total nightmare at the weekend. He also has problems getting to sleep (usually 10pm and sometimes later) - does anyone else have this issue?

OP - who made a referral to the child psychiatrist?

ginapop · 03/12/2013 00:05

I am reading these comments some years on since they were posted. We are experiencing some similar behaviour in our 7 yr old son - angry outbursts at school - hitting, kicking out, crying, frustration. Can anybody offer me a light at the end of my dark tunnel? Did the behaviour/anger overload improve with age?

Pootle765 · 26/08/2015 04:04

So, it's now 2015 (!) my 7 year old DS is up and down like a yoyo - irritatingly worse since he saw the lead character in Inside Out yelling at her parents...
I'm pretty sure it's down to testosterone and the last week of the holidays, but I find it very hard to maintain a firm approach without losing it myself!
He is most upset when I ask him to tidy up (aren't we all?) stickers just don't cut it anymore...I am so tired of threatening to take privileges away - has anyone cracked the transition from this to angel son???!

WombOfOnesOwn · 27/08/2015 18:42

A question: do you expect your DH to clean up and set clear expectations for him, too? This is the age when a lot of boys begin to feel very entitled about "women can't tell me what to do." They get it from media and seeing interactions around. You may need to visibly "boss" your DH around a little and have him comply to set an example. Your son may have simply realized that men aren't ge

WombOfOnesOwn · 27/08/2015 18:42

sorry that didn't finish--that men aren't generally expected to just take orders from women and comply with them.

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