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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My 5 year old DD talks loudly and incessantly, I can't get a word in edgeways and it's driving me mad

31 replies

Pendulum · 12/09/2009 08:27

She has always been a talker but recently has ramped up another gear. I can't really describe what she is talking about but it's as if every single thought that enters her head has to leave through her mouth- observations, questions, long rhetorical enquiries about things that MIGHT have happened but didn't and what the consequences would have been (it's a good job we rememebred to shut the car doors Mummy because if not then someone might have got in and driven it away or the rain might hav3e got in or my toy that's in the seat might have fallen out and got lost.....etc"

She expects full participation in this discourse, frequently asks "isn't it mummy" etc and if I fail to respond within a nanosecond the question will be repeated! She also engages any random adult who crosses her path (shop assistants, people in doctors surgery etc) in conversation, which makes me feel awkward at times.

Obviously to a certain extent this is endearing and it's lovely that she wants to chat- but the constant noise is beginning to make me feel panicky and 'crowded'- especially as her younger sister has to compete loudly to get her point across. When driving the car, trying to talk to DH at the weekend or trying to get things ready to go out I often have to say "please stop talking for a minute so I can think/ talk to Daddy" (that usually works for 30 secs if I am lucky)

I'd be very grateful for any ideas on how to teach her to be more selective in her communication and also any views as to whether this is a common thing at her age (5.5).....

OP posts:

Littlefish · 12/09/2009 09:09

My dd is nearly 5 and is exactly the same!

If we ask her to be wait so we can finish an adult conversation, she starts up with "but I don't want to be quiet, I like talking etc. etc. etc. etc."

I hope someone else will come along and tell us both how to sort this - other than that, I'm just going to have to buy some ear plugs!

ben5 · 12/09/2009 09:12

i laughed at your thread because i really didn't think anyone could talk as much as my ds1 whos also 5. if he's not talking it's because he's eating or sleeping!!! will be watching for help on this one!!

Pitchounette · 12/09/2009 09:12

Message withdrawn

Oxymoronic · 12/09/2009 09:13

There's no hope I'm afraid lol my DD's nearly 9 and I still can't get a word in edgeways They have said she's got a very good vocab at school though, so it's not all bad

kitkatqueen · 12/09/2009 09:17

Thankyou ladies I was starting to get worried about my rambling dd1 - it is literally as tho every consious/subconcious thought that runs through her head has got to be verbalised. Half the time I don't think she even realises that she's talking.

Trouble is as you say the other dc's not getting a word in edgewise. dd2 is 3 ds1 is 20mnths and ds2 is 2 weeks.

I crave silence.....

I'm going to put it on my christmas list

kitkatqueen · 12/09/2009 09:18

Do any of you get random excrutiating headaches??? LOL

cory · 12/09/2009 09:33

My ds is still the same at 9, though not with random adults. The thing that helped me most was watching that sequence in the Life of Birds where the parents are under stress and the baby bird gets more and more attention seeking (warning! it is very scary). It made me realise that ds is really rather insecure, his constant nattering is to check that I am there. If I respond cheerfully and calmly he will be reassured, but if I show stress or tell him to shut up he will be driven to keep badgering me for reassurance. Asking him to be quiet or punishing him just makes him worse.

Apparently he is very quiet at school...

ben5 · 12/09/2009 09:43

i like your christmas list. ' silence is golden!!'

LadyTeasmaid · 12/09/2009 10:30

Will be watching this closely, although perhaps this is perfectly normal sigh. When we do manage to get him to understand we need quiet, ie we are on the phone etc, he starts wriggling, climbing or humming to himself.

CarGirl · 12/09/2009 10:38

kitkat could it be her way of getting lots of attention as her speech is way above the ability of her siblings? Perhaps more slots of individual attention will help her back off from needing to engage you at every opportunity?

Can you encourage her to talk to her siblings instead?

It's really wearing isn't it!

Original poster

Pendulum · 12/09/2009 14:29

Hello again- DH has taken DD1 out so I finally have five minutes peace to come online

Glad to see it's not just me. Kitkat, your DD sounds identical to mine. I don't think you mentioned how old she is?

Am interested in the theory it's to do with attention and security. It's true that often am not able to give DD my full attnetion- we are often rushing to go to school etc, her sister is 2 and in prime tantrum stage so often she is trying to grab the limelight that way, and I WOH too so often am juggling many things in my brain at the same time. I do have time alone with DD1 every day but will maybe be a bit more conscious of giving her the opportunity to have my undivided attention whenever possible.

God help me if she is still like this at 8 and DD2 is the same.....!

OP posts:

kitkatqueen · 12/09/2009 14:46

Hi cargirl, LOL! when she's not talking to me she's talking to her sister/brother the head rest/ herself When she goes to bed and all the kids are asleep I can still hear her talking.

She does get planned one on one time with me and her dad but I think tbh that no amount woud be enough iykwim?

I just did a shopping trip with all 4 kids while dp is having a day off and has gone fishing.

dd1 just spent 5 mins solidly explaning to me in the car how she takes a drink from her cup it went alongthe lines of...

"first mummy I very carefully lift the cup from the cup holder then I very gently lift this top round piece up - not the whole of the black section just this small round piece on the top - I call it a round piece even tho its actually a circle or I could say circular couldn't I mummy, although I couldn't call it spherical because its not once I have very carefully pulled it up mummy then and only then can I have a sip - to take a sip I have to put the the round piece in my mouth and tip my head backwards towards the head rest of my carseat. This allows the drink to go into my mouth and then I can swallow it then I can push this round piece.....

I have kind of come to the conclusion that anytime she is not being stimulate in a task the anilises (sp ) everything in its absolute minutae.

hmm think I might put some more books in the car

ladyteasmade, have you tried giving him a piece of blutack to fiddle with? My friend is a teacher and they have started to do this with some of the children in her class.

neversaydie · 12/09/2009 14:48

DS, now 10 started purposeful babbling at around 10 weeks (even the HV commented!) and has not shut up since. I do zone out rather a lot, especially the conversations that start 'Mummy, would you like me to tell you about my new xxx game and how I am getting on with it?'

I cannot help a nasty suspicion that a little less talking and a little more listening might help his performance at school. But by Gum he is articulate! I wonder if lawyers need to be able to spell....

weebleswobble · 12/09/2009 14:53

Ds2 is 13 and still hasn't stopped. He says to me sometimes "you're not listening, are you?" I say "no" and he still carries on. I take myself to a peaceful place in my head

kitkatqueen · 12/09/2009 14:57

lol at peaceful place!!! I shall try to cultivate one

RubberDuck · 12/09/2009 16:12

My ds2 (also 5) is just like this. I'm an introvert, need my quiet time and I have regularly contemplated leaving them all and becoming a hermit in a nice warm, dark, cave with wifi .

I have to say, school going back was most welcome.

I'm rather disheartened to see comments that imply he's not going to grow out of it

Original poster

Pendulum · 12/09/2009 20:18

rubberduck, I have taken up running several times a week just to get half an hour of peace- that is my version of the cave...

OP posts:

CarGirl · 12/09/2009 20:25

if it helps my eldest dd improved around the age of 9. It also eased of a bit when she learnt to read!

It is so exhausting isn't it. I now love silence, no music, no TV just silent bliss.

JackBauer · 12/09/2009 20:41

Ah. The stream of consciousness children.

DD1 is turning out like that too. She is only 3.7 but never stops, and like kitkat has to narrate every single thing.

However, I remember doing thsi myself. I still do to a certain extent and have to stop myself so I let her get on with it and never say 'Shut up' or 'Stop talking' as I rememebr it upsetting me (although my father used to snap it at me...)
I do say 'Can we talk about this later' or I suggest she tells her toys about it which she does, at full volume

So not glad to hear it carries on for years....

paranoidmum · 12/09/2009 21:55

Kitkat Queen - think your DD has read the same script as my DD (6.5 yrs). Can't believe where the over-analysis of every tiny thing comes from. I do find it pretty exhausting - but v funny at the same time. It's as if she's planning to be the next Delia Smith, or planning to write an instruction manual.

Pendulum - when DD is in particularly talkative mood I sometimes put Abba CD on - which will channel it into song rather than speak - which we all seem to benefit from!

neversaydie · 13/09/2009 12:22

Stream of consciousness does about sum it up.

I am away from home on a work trip at the moment, and have relished my first day of absolute peace for some time (don't work during the school holidays).

My Mum (wonderful supportive woman that she is) tells me that I was just as bad, and in two languages. Although I like to think I had calmed down a bit by 10 - even if only because I had forgotten the second language by then!

MrsSaxon · 14/09/2009 10:43

My DD 4.8 is like this, so I have introduced her to yoga bugs to calm her down a little bit.

She now sits crossed legged on the floor and oms a lot, tis lovely.

yomellamoHelly · 14/09/2009 12:00

5 yo ds1 is like this. LOVE this going back to school business. The minute he's out though he carries on where he left off! And he gets upset going to bed because he'll have no-one to talk to.
Seriously hope it calms down as he gets older.

kitkatqueen · 15/09/2009 21:56

Has just occurred to me that dd1 might have a certain amount of success in radio ...

Paranoidmum lol at instruction manual thats exactly it!

needahand · 15/09/2009 22:03

OMG are you sure you haven't borrowed my 4 y.o DD by accident she is exactly like that. Am more of a silent person and the incessant talking also drives me nuts sometimes. Even when she does something quiet like a jigsaw she still talks to herself!!

We actually met a friend I hadn't seen for over a year on Saturday for lunch. I only managed about 10 mns of broken conversation with my friend. DD monopolised the rest of the lunch and I couldn't get a word in!

I am going to watch this thread with interest. Makes me feel better to know I am not alone (sometimes if makes me feel like the worst mother on earth to crave a tiny bit of silence) although you crushed my hopes that this was going to passs!

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