Bossy 6 year old (nearly 7) son - worried will lose all friends

[EmilyD]

My ds (who is 7 in a week) is really bossy, apparently disrespectful to me (i don't always notice this!) and always arguing with me. My partners way of dealing with arguing is to shout at him to stop arguing with him which works but think scares my ds into silence and we have spoken about this not being appropriate. I don't shout but he continues with me (i suppose I continue!).

Anyway he had a friend over to play and they played really nicely for an hour and then they were just at each other because one wanted to do one thing and the other the other thing.

My ds says it is the same at school and he sometimes gets excluded from playing. Not sure if this is just boys being mean or whether my ds is being bossy and irritating.

How do you deal with a bossy boy, I don't want to spend all my time telling him off. he is strong willed but does have some issues with being scared which may account for the bossyness.

At bed times recently my ds has tried every tactic to stop me leaving the room. At 7 should I just leave and leave him to shout and cry? He does seem young for his age with being clingey and older in terms of other areas.

Background:- my husband left us for another woman when ds was 3 and refused to see ds for 6 months, he now does see him every other weekend and half holiday time. I met someone who has a 12 yr old daughter 2 years ago and we moved in with him 8 months ago. The dd stays twice a week and every other weekend.

Any hints/tips in terms of helping my ds to be less bossy and increasing his confidence and helping me to manage things would be gratefully received.

I can understand the reasons why he may be being like this what with your husband leaving and the new sister - I reckon you probably just need to given him time to adjust and realise you are not going anywhere without him.

Can you have a word with the teachers to see what is actually going on at school and see if you can enlist their help?

Yes, I think insecurities come into play and sibling rivalry and he is trying to find his place still.

I was going to speak with the teachers today but the children in question were in the room so think will have to deal with it when there aren't so many around. Don't want my ds to be picked on for mum talking to teachers.

I consider my DS (7) to be fairly bossy - his school reports always praise his 'leadership qualities'. I suppose it's how you look at things? Other strong will ed children won't like being bossed around. Less decisive children may appreciate being led! Unfortunately in this house we are all leaders which does lead to arguements!!

I think only children can tend to be bossy. They are generally not accustomed to sharing, compromising, letting others have a turn, etc.

DD is an only, and I attempt to deal with her bossiness by arranging loads of playdates so she has lots of chances to learn proper behaviour with peers. When one of her friends is very bossy, we talk about it later so that dd recognises the behaviour and (hopefully) knows it is not nice to be bossed about.

Not sure that helps....

Yes these answers do help. School have noted he will be a leader, he is doing excellently at school, he just needs to learn more about team work and not dominating things. The other boys in his class are also quite strong willed which is possibly what is leading to some conflicts.

I think perhaps we do need to arrange more play dates which we havent since moving into the area.